There are Monsters in the Mirror
by Haitus80
Summary: Daryl never returned to the prison with Merle. Instead they became a part of a new kind of group. Lawless men. Carol never met up with Tyreese after Rick banished her. Instead she was leading a new kind of group. Women with a Vendetta. When these groups collide, Daryl has trouble coming to terms with what she is and Carol will have to remember that she was once a merciful woman.
1. Chapter 1

**Wasn't expecting to post this one so soon. It's one of those things that just kind of slammed into my head and needed to be written. Hope you enjoy. Be safe this weekend and thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter One**

Normally he didn't bother paying attention to what day it was. He didn't care if it was December or if it was January. He never knew if it was a Monday or a Friday. He didn't give a damn about things like that. Time wasn't the same as it had been before. Time had become subjective. In the old world it was split up in nice neat categories.

There was a time to get up in the morning, a time to punch the time clock, a time to get yourself in bed, a time to eat, a time to hunt. The weeks were broken up the same way. Each month brought with it a sense of separation from the next with the coming of Holidays and Birthdays. Seasons meant something in the old world.

Everything back then was neat, orderly. It gave a man a sense of control over his life. It gave him a clean cut impression of the now.

Normally, he didn't give a damn about things like times or dates.

Normally.

Today wasn't a normal day. Today, there was a distinct marker to separate it from every other day. On this day, a year and a half ago, his life had made a turn that he had never expected. Now time was broken down in six month intervals. He wasn't sure why it was like that but it was. He had turned his back on people that he had thought of as family. This marked a year and a half since he had walked into the woods and didn't look back.

He left the safety, the camaraderie, the sense of belonging and the security of the prison to follow his brother into the unknown.

He had regretted it after a while. No matter what had happened, when he was with the group, he felt like they were the good guys. They were people that were trying to hold on to who they had been and they were out to help one another like a family should. Those people hadn't looked at him like he was lower than them. They didn't doubt him because of his social standing or because he was raised differently. They had respected him and they had valued his ideas and opinions and they had appreciated his skills.

Oh sure, it hadn't always been like that. Not for most of them. In the beginning they had looked at him with clear contempt or fear in their eyes. He knew this. He wasn't delusional. But not all of them had. One person had always met his gaze with a strange understanding in her eyes. From the start, he'd found a kindred spirit. Someone that somehow knew exactly who he was instead of who he wanted people to believe himself to be.

 _What about Carol?_

Glenn had asked the question and a year and a half ago he had been able to give the boy an answer. An honest one. He knew she would understand why he was leaving. But after all this time, Glenn's words had taken on a new meaning. The implications in that question had been obvious but Daryl had ignored them. Glenn hadn't been asking him what Daryl had pretended to hear. Glenn was voicing something that Daryl had never dared to contemplate before.

 _What about the woman back at the prison that clearly loves you? What about the one person in your life that has stood by your side without ever asking for anything in return? What about the heart you're about to break when we go back and tell her that you're gone. Alive, but gone?_

That was what Glenn had been asking. And that was one of the things that kept popping into his head every six months or so. That was one of the things that he could honestly say, he'd thoroughly ruined. Because the woman did love him. Had loved him for a long time. She had been the anchor. She had been the one warm place in his heart. And he knew he'd hurt her by leaving with Merle. She wouldn't begrudge him for what he had done. She would have pushed her pain away and she would have persevered regardless of his absence. She would have wished him the best.

He could have had it all. If he'd just said something sooner. If he'd just tried harder to get the others to understand that he couldn't walk away from Merle. If he could have convinced them all that there was a chance they could all make it work, despite Merle's crimes.

But he hadn't. And it had ended up costing him everything. Walking away that day he was convinced that he could eventually put them out of his mind for good. He had convinced himself that it had always been just him and Merle and it wouldn't be hard to go back to that.

He'd been wrong. Because the man that walked away with Merle that day wasn't the same man that had walked into that quarry camp. And now he was haunted by the ever fading memory of her kind smile. Her quick wit. Her unending fucking compassion. The brief touches and the playful banter. And the realization that all of it could have been his if he'd just done something about it. And now he was here and he was changed once more, because he wasn't the man she had known then.

He was a killer.

But there wasn't any sense in dwelling on that now. Now he was a part of a different kind of group. The kind of group that his old one would have taken out in a heart beat, or would try to anyway. The men in this group had seemed to shed all of their humanity at the start of it all. They were rough, wild, with a strange code of conduct that Daryl still didn't necessarily understand. They were hard, mean, and had no sense of right. They fought amongst themselves a lot. Daryl had the blood of several on his hands.

The women were nothing like the women in his old group. Some were wives from before the world ended. Some had been captured, literally taken from other groups. All of them were meek, abused, used. Some were traded off for odds and ends like they were nothing but material bric-a-brac. It made him sick. Literally, the first time he realized what was happening when one of the friendlier men asked if Daryl wanted to take his woman for the night, he'd became nauseous. The sickest part, the woman actually looked like she didn't mind.

He'd actually helped as many as he could. He'd figure out ways to get them out of there. Send them off with enough food and any kind of weapon he could get his hands on. Ten women in a years time were free because of him. The other women seemed to accept their lot without complaint. It was as though the thought of being nothing but meat didn't bother them in the least. But it was the other ones. The ones that wanted out, that he stayed for. Without him, that's ten more women that would have ended up dead, used up, or wishing for death.

Sometimes it seemed like it was just too much, and yet, he stayed. Merle wasn't as bad as some of the other men but he sure as hell fit in a lot better than Daryl did. He was rising in ranks while Daryl stayed on the fringes, almost like nothing had ever changed. It was how it had always been. No one looked at him like he had any value. No one asked for his advice or his opinion. No one here respected anyone at all. But most of them feared him, and that was more than he could have asked for. Weak men had no place in this group.

"Where's your head at, little brother?" Merle asked, sidling up next to him.

Daryl stood up from where he was crouched. They were on a low ridge not too far from the city. He was suppose to be scouting for signs of life but he wasn't. If he'd seen a group that was loaded down with more food and weapons than they could ever use, he'd still never tell the others that he had spotted anything. These men didn't just take. They took and then they slaughtered. Merle kept him away from the worst of it but Daryl wasn't stupid and he wasn't blind. But his hands were tied. And that was why he was going to keep his mouth shut about the group of women he had seen down there in the town they were checking out.

Besides the fact that he felt like he could help a few of the people here while still keeping his brother close, if he was a part of this group, he could do what he could to make sure that he was able to keep them clear of the prison. Merle had caught onto that when the men had talked about pulling up stakes and finding a new, more secure place to stay. One of the men had done some time at the prison years before and suggested going to check it out. It took him a while but he was able to convince Merle to convince the men that the prison was a lost cause.

"See anything of interest?" Merle asked, eying him.

Daryl shook his head. It was a lie but he wasn't going to tell Merle what he'd seen through the rifle scope.

"You sure about that?" Merle asked.

"How about you get the fuck off my back?" Daryl snapped. He'd been doing a lot of that lately.

Merle spit off to the side, his eyes narrowing. "You know, that fuckin' attitude of yours has been a goddamn thorn in my side. Those assholes are getting twitchy around you, brother. You're gonna have to step up. I ain't gonna be around forever."

"Fuck you. What am I suppose to do? I gotta go out there on one of their runs and pick me up some unwilling woman to bring back. Slit a couple of throats of some men that ain't never done me no wrong? Go fuck yourself." He turned around but Merle's heavy hand landed on his shoulder hard enough to cause him to wince. Merle jerked him back roughly.

Daryl had changed during his time away from his brother in more ways than one. He didn't take shit wordlessly anymore. He turned and stepped into his brother until they were nose to nose, both fuming, breathing heavily as they sized the other up.

"You wanna do this, boy?" Merle asked, his blue eyes flashing dangerously.

It was time. It'd been a few months since their last brawl and it was about time he reminded his big brother that he wasn't a boy. He took a small step back and saw the smirk on Merle's face, thinking that he'd caused his little brother to back down. That was when Daryl reared back and headbutted the bossy son of a bitch right in the face.

Merle howled, his hand going to his nose that was now streaming blood. That was when Daryl hit him. He landed two blows before Merle came in swinging hard, clipping Daryl in the jaw with the force of a Mack truck. But he'd seen it coming and was able to out maneuver his brother easily. Merle was a little bit bigger and a little bit stronger but Daryl was faster and he'd take speed over brawn any day.

By the time it was over he was on his ass, blinking blood out of one eye after Merle's fist busted his brow open, but Merle was on his back, panting for breath. This one went to the younger Dixon. Not even Merle could dispute that he'd gotten his ass kicked this time. Daryl grimaced thinking about their last fight because it'd taken him three days to recover.

Merle wasn't the only man here that he'd had to fight either. He'd been in plenty. In a group with this many men, all vying for the Alpha male spot, you got in your fair share of fights. He'd seen men beat to death in this group. No one ever batted an eye. He'd beaten three to death himself. The first time it had made him sick but he hadn't been given a choice. The second time he wasn't exactly sure how it had happened. It was all a blur until he had found himself standing over the body. The third time was a week ago. It had started off as a minor argument. The man had come at him, knife in hand. Daryl did what he had to do.

But sometimes he worried about it. Worried because he felt very little after playing God and taking another persons life like that. It was just another day. He felt nothing but an odd sense of detachment.

Most of the men steered clear of him for the most part. Merle was right. He made them edgy and one of the reasons he made them edgy, besides the fact that he didn't seem to mind the killing, was because he didn't go out of his fucking way to empress any of them. He didn't grab up a woman at random and start fucking her right there in the middle of camp. He didn't try killing his neighbor over any minor disagreement. He only hurt people when he was given no other choice. He was quiet. He was watchful. And that made these men damn nervous. He had nothing to prove here. Not like they all seemed to.

"You're gonna pay for that you little fucker," Merle grunted as he grabbed Daryl's offered hand.

"Go fuck yourself," Daryl said in a low voice before he turned and headed back to camp.

Hopefully the women he'd seen earlier down there on the streets had gotten the hell out. Merle was the one on lookout now and Daryl didn't know if Merle would sound the alarm or not. He counted seven of them. That would be a real score for this group. The good thing was, they didn't look like any of the women that he'd encountered before. For one, all of them were armed and even from this distance, they seemed to carry themselves with a kind of lethal grace. So maybe they would be okay. And if the men did go after them, maybe the women could protect themselves.

He was thankful that Carol was safely behind the walls of the prison and protected by decent men. Rick would never let anything happen to her. He was sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Time to see what Carol's been up to. Hope you like this chapter and thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Two**

The clouds were low and angry, swollen with rain that didn't seem to want to fall just yet. Carol eyed them dismally, her eyes tired and grainy from lack of sleep. She hadn't wanted to settle in this place for any amount of time. She wanted to keep moving, knowing they were close to the group they were after, but getting caught in a storm was not on her to do list so she hadn't been keen on leaving just yet. It was harder to keep a watch out for walkers and the mud slowed her down; slowed them all down. She had people to look out for now so it wasn't like it was before, when she had first been banished from her home. Now she was responsible for others.

She didn't want to be. It had just happened. She had been on her own for a few months before she had stumbled upon any survivors. She hadn't been looking for any. All she had been doing was trying to survive as well as she could on her own. Then she met up with a small group of women. At first she had thought it odd that there had been no men but then she learned the story and had been disgusted.

A few of the women had been with their husbands after the outbreak, running for their lives like she had done herself before they settled at the prison. Apparently there were other groups out there that were ran by men even worse than Philip Blake. The husbands of these women had been killed and the women had been taken.

Carol didn't have to ask them what had happened to them while they had been held captive. She could see it in their eyes. But there had been a man in the group that had risked his own hide to save them. As far as they knew the man had helped seven of them escape. Those seven women were no longer the cowering frightened creatures that she had first encountered. And not all of the women that were with her now were escapees. A few she stumbled upon in different towns. One she met while her group were camping near the quarry where it had all began.

She had something in common with all these women. She hadn't been through the same thing they had exactly, but she had suffered at the hands of a man for many years and knew what it felt like to be dominated, degraded. To feel as though you're less than human. The other thing that she had in common with them was a simple thing. They didn't need men to survive this. Not at all. They were strong and they could do everything that a man could do. They didn't need nor did they want to be around men. She didn't really mind being around them personally, but the others, well, they were scared and she sympathized.

She wasn't afraid of men but she had no need for them either. Her husband had tormented her, the one man that she thought she actually had some kind of connection with left her without even a goodbye and another, that had been like a brother to her, forced her out of her home. Banished her from the people she loved.

No, she was finished with that. There was no reason in the world for any of them to pretend that they couldn't make it out here on there own. They had done just fine so far. She had done just fine completely alone before running into these women in the first place.

The rest of her group were settling into one of the buildings up the street. She had wanted to take one last walk through and search for signs of herds but there was nothing close as far as she could see. It had been a long time since the world had ended and even in a city as big as Atlanta, the food supply for the walkers would run out. Oh, there were still plenty, but this side of the city, where the buildings mostly consisted of warehouses and factories, there probably hadn't been too many people to feed on in the first place. Occasionally there would be a walker or two that needed to be dealt with but so far the small area that they were currently residing seemed to be bare.

"It's all clear for ten blocks in every direction. No walkers."

Carol's head snapped up, her eyes locking onto the woman's standing in front of her. Cassidy Sinclair had been beautiful. To Carol, she still was, despite the scars that marred one side of her face. Her eyes were dark and hard. She had been with the group of men the longest and had probably suffered the worst, but she never spoke much about her time with them. She hadn't been rescued by the man that had saved the others. She had escaped on her own after another man, the hero's own brother, had given her a knife and told her to run. The same night that the leader of the group had cut into her face out of sheer boredom, and possibly madness.

The woman fell into step with her, heading towards the boarded up building that had been abandoned long before any of them had ever even heard of a walker. "There's at least one man watching us. I didn't see any more than that."

Carol looked over sharply. "Could be more."

Cassidy only shrugged, her lips thinning out in a hard line. "Let's hope," she said, her voice stiff.

Carol was used to her gruffness. "Cas, you do know that not every man out there is out to hurt people."

The woman cut Carol a sardonic look. "Your optimism gets on my nerves, you know that?"

"I'm the Pollyanna to your Cassandra," Carol quipped. "We need balance in this group if any of us are ever going to survive."

Cassidy rolled her dark eyes, her brows pulling together but she couldn't keep the side of her mouth from turning up in a lopsided smile. "You make me sick."

Carol hummed and then Cas bumped her shoulder with her own but then let her smile fall. Carol felt the need to ease her friends mind. "I want four girls on the second floor, one at each window. Make sure they have plenty of ammo. We aren't ready to go after that group just yet. If those men show up, I want most of them cut down before they can even get within a block of this place. Send up our best shooters."

Cassidy nodded. "Are you forgetting that _we're_ their best shooters?" She asked.

"Are you forgetting that we have been scouting for two days and neither of us have slept for the last thirty six hours? If we go up there we'll end up shooting at shadows and scaring the hell out of all of them."

"Wouldn't hurt if you ask me. They need a good scare. Some of the younger ones are getting too damn confident. They're forgetting that these people don't look at us like we're even human. If they find us then they won't let us get away again."

Carol followed her through the door. "Them being confident is a good thing. None of you were worth a damn when I found you. You were all either near comatose or ready to shoot down anyone you saw. They're okay now. And after we hunt down those men and get rid of them for good, they'll be even better."

Cassidy didn't reply. She was one of them that had been angry at the world for what had happened to her. Carol didn't blame her for it. She understood it, even though she hadn't been through what they had, it was still a pain that she thought she at least could relate to a little. "I wouldn't use the word _better_ to explain them. Or myself," Cassidy said quietly before they parted ways.

They all had their own little niche. A place, although temporary, that they could call their own. There were fifteen of them total. The youngest was a girl of just sixteen. She didn't speak but she was a quick learner. She had been with them for a few months now. Carol and Cas had found her cowering in the basement of a house, half starved. She'd been terrified, sick and probably wouldn't have lasted for another week, but now she was at least healthier, even if she didn't speak. Carol didn't know if she'd been mute before or if it had happened sometime after the outbreak.

Carol trusted that Cassidy would instruct the girls to keep their ears open and their eyes peeled. Carol was ready to face plant her bedroll and get a solid eight hours of sleep for once. Maybe more, depending on whether catastrophe struck or not. She sat down heavily and went to work on the buckles of her boots, sighing when she was able to pull them off. Her feet ached, her back ached and her mind felt fractured from lack of sleep.

She sat there, staring at the strip of gray light that seeped into the room from the crack under the door. She had found the storeroom and called it as her own before anyone else could. She was no longer afraid of tight spaces. After you lost everything you ever loved, closed spaces didn't seem as scary as they used to.

She ran a hand through her hair before stretching out and pulling the blanket over her. It was cool in the building, a welcome reprieve from the heat of the Georgia summer. As tired as she was, it wasn't easy turning off her thoughts. She worried about the women that looked to her for guidance. The thought of her leading anyone was absurd to her, considering who she had been before, but they looked up to her and she felt a strong need to keep them safe.

She had killed for them already. She would kill for them again. This thought had her mind wondering back to the day that Rick had taken her on that run. The day he had told her that she was dangerous. That he didn't want her around his children. He had deemed her a threat to all of them.

And now that was exactly what she was. She had killed to protect the people that she loved. The people that she had thought of as family. It was because of those very children that she had done what she had done. But Rick hadn't seen it that way and that was okay. What was one more let down?

Of course her tired mind conjured up other disappointments in her life. Like the day Rick had returned without Daryl Dixon. How, briefly, the news that he had taken off with his brother had cut her. Despite her better judgment, she had loved the man. She had never admitted as much out loud but it had been the truth. She had trusted him and she had felt safe when he had been near. They had shared a different view of the world than the others in the group. They had always been the two on the outside and that alone could have drawn two people together.

But she understood why he had left. Despite the pain, she had never lost that deep respect she had for him. She still missed him. Out of everyone, it was him that haunted her and over time that love had turned bitter and brittle. It had splintered in her heart and when she thought of him now, the memories of him, even the very best ones, were shaded at the edges with something hard and hollow. How she could grieve over the loss of a love that was completely one sided was beyond her, but she did.

He was a good man. It took her a while to convince him of the fact, but it was true. What would he think of her now? What would he say if he knew what she was really capable of? She wasn't the same person she had been when he had left. She was a new woman. A colder woman.

Sometimes she wondered if their paths would ever cross again and if they did, would he still be the same? Would he be disgusted that she wasn't the woman he had left? Would he have regrets that he had ever saved her?

The last thing she thought of as exhaustion finally pulled her under was the soft look in his eyes the day he had came to her cell after finding her in the tombs. He hadn't gotten close. He had stayed in the doorway, but when she had met his eyes she had thought that maybe there was a little love behind the small smile. That maybe, just maybe, something could finally change between them.

Thankfully sleep pulled her the rest of the way under before she could drown in regret but it wouldn't do anything to steady her troubled thoughts. She would dream about him standing in that doorway, arms crossed and eyes narrowed as he accused her of being a killer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Today has been super crappy! One of those days where nothing at all seems to go right. It's settled down a bit so I figured I would update before something else happened! I hope you all had a better day than I've had! Thanks for reading! You guys are awesome =)**

 **Chapter Three**

Daryl looked up, his hand stalling with a piece of meat in front of his mouth, when Merle stormed into the clearing. His eyes met Daryl's then and he knew that Merle had seen the group in the city. The man was livid. There was one thing that Merle couldn't stand for Daryl to do and that was lie to him. Daryl looked away and tossed the meat into his mouth, chewing dismally.

Merle sat down heavily, turning his head to glare at his brother. "Why the hell didn't you mention that there's a group down there?"

Daryl shrugged.

"You know how low we're getting on supplies? You wanna be caught out here without any fucking ammo? How many groups have we had to fight?"

Daryl turned his head slowly, his own eyes narrowing on Merle's. "Fight? We ain't had to fight off any that I can recollect. How many groups have we raided? Plenty."

Merle scoffed and glanced around at the other men but none of them were paying any attention to the brothers. Merle and Daryl fought a lot. It was something the others were used to. "Either way, we need what those people have."

Daryl felt the ever present dread expand in his chest. He couldn't explain it but somehow he had to make sure that Merle didn't say anything about the other group. "It's a group of women, Merle. Why the hell can't we just leave them be?"

Merle glared at him. "Because they're packin' some pretty heavy artillery and we need what they have."

"It won't end at that and you know it. And you ever think that maybe if they have the weapons, they might just know how to use them? Goddamn, can't we just let people live for once?"

Merle shook his head. "I don't even see how we're related, you know that?"

Daryl shrugged. "You and me both."

"I ain't never done the same type of shit these mother fuckers have done and you know it. Any woman I've been with since we got here, I was with cause they came to me," Merle hissed.

Daryl forced the last of his food down, his appetite lost for now. Merle was right about that. He was a lewd son of a bitch but he wasn't a rapist. The killing, that was a different story. He reveled in the killing. He got this gleam in his eye when he knew that he was about to take a man down. Daryl didn't comment on that, though.

"You still stewin' about leavin'?" Merle asked suddenly.

Daryl grew still, his eyes on the flames. Lightning lit up the sky in a blue white web and then thunder rolled, slow and heavy. He could feel the vibrations in his bones. "Nowhere out there to go," he lied.

"Prison," Merle said, his own eyes following Daryl's.

Daryl shook his head. "We've been through this a thousand times. After what you did to Glenn and Maggie-"

"I didn't touch that little corn fed bitch and as far as Mr. Fugi is concerned, the kid asked for it. All I wanted to do was find you and he wouldn't tell me where the hell you were. What was I suppose to do? Split a fortune cookie with him and tell him all was well? You know better than that shit little brother. I shoulda killed him. He's lucky."

"You tried to kill him, Merle," Daryl pointed out.

Merle shook his head. "If I'd tried to kill him then he'd have been dead. I was just playin' with him."

"Yeah, well, either way, they don't want you around. If I go back to the prison then I go back alone. That and you know as good as I do that as long as I'm here, I can keep these pieces of shit clear of the prison. We're better off this way."

Merle shook his head. "What the hell is it about those stupid fucks that has you so hell bent on savin' their skin?"

"You wouldn't get it. We've been through this before too."

"If we could run them cock suckers out of there that place would be the perfect spot to hole up," Merle grumbled.

Daryl stiffened. This was a constant worry of his. Merle finally getting fed up with being on the road and then letting it slip that he knows of a place. There were twenty five men in this group, all of them as nasty as they came. The prison group wouldn't know what hit them and then that blood would be on Daryl's hands. "Just keep your mouth shut, Merle."

Merle looked at him, the firelight giving his eyes a demonic shine. He smiled slowly. "How about a compromise then, little brother?"

Daryl shook his head.

"Oh yeah. I'm tired of this goddamn good guy shit you're always pullin'. You gotta cut me some slack here. I can tell them exactly where the prison is. I can deliver them right to it."

"Merle," Daryl growled, his teeth clenched.

"Or I tell them there's a couple of broads down there with some nice looking weapons. You can flip a coin if you want, but I'm not goin' empty handed for you anymore. I don't owe nobody a goddamn thing. Rick Grimes especially. I don't owe those women down there a damn thing either. You pick or it's gonna be both."

Daryl stared at the flames. Those people down there in the city had never done him any harm. They were just people trying to survive just like he'd always done. But he wouldn't lead these men to Carol's doorstep. There was no way he'd put her a risk. There wasn't enough good in the world anymore and she was good. He'd never be able to live with himself if she suffered the same fate as some of the other women that he had seen brought to this group. He'd die first.

"Tell them about the group in Atlanta," he said in a low voice, his eyes staying on the flames.

Merle chuckled. "You're too soft little brother. And you're too trustin'."

Daryl turned his head, eying Merle sharply. "Merle..." He wanted to believe that Merle could go on keeping his mouth shut but he knew that Merle was finished lying for him. The man didn't have much of a conscience and he hated the group at the prison. He didn't look at it like a betrayal to Daryl, even though that's exactly what it was.

"Tell me why?"

Daryl shook his head.

"You have yourself a little crush on the good sheriff? He make you feel all safe and loved?" Merle chuckled.

Daryl tensed. "Keep these mother fuckers away from them, Merle or I swear-"

"You left a woman back there, didn't you? We're out here suffering because you found yourself a soft piece and you're protecting her, huh? Well, if she was that damn good she'd be with you right now instead of back there with the good sheriff. You know she's found herself somebody else by now. Am I right?"

Daryl shook his head, refusing to meet Merle's eyes now.

Merle stood up then. "Got some good news boys," he barked, getting the attention of the others quickly. "There's a little group down below that looks like they're packin' too heavy. Might wanna make a trip down there before first light and relieve them of their burden." He glanced back at Daryl. "After that maybe we can have a sit down and talk about a more permanent set up. I ain't the only one that's tired of bein' on the move."

Daryl felt his fists clench. He'd take down every goddamn man in this group to keep them away from that prison. Maybe that's what Merle wanted. Maybe he wanted to push Daryl into doing something drastic. Merle wanted Daryl to be more like him. He wanted to make a "man" of him still, even though he was forty two fucking years old. Until Daryl was as cold and calculating and filled with as much hate as his older brother, his older brother would always consider him a boy. Someone that he felt he needed to take care of.

Daryl knew why Merle was the way he was. Daryl knew that he had suffered the same way Daryl himself had suffered. But the two of them had taken their pain and used it in different ways. Daryl used his like a cloak, keeping himself emotionally distant to others. He hid behind it to protect himself from letting others inside.

Merle's pain was different. His was like a poison. Like a drug. The pain caused Merle to want to inflict it on others. It made him toxic and cold. In Daryl's mind, the way for self preservation was to keep the pain close and use it as a reminder to not let anyone in. Merle took his own pain, spun it inside of himself like yarn, and then distributed it to anyone that gave him the slightest reason.

But it had managed to cost both of them a lot and Daryl was sure that it had cost Merle more. After a while, Daryl had actually learned to trust others. He had learned that not everyone out there was out there to hurt him. He had started trusting people. Merle, though, had never let anyone get inside at all. Even Daryl was held at arms length when it came to Merle. Maybe Merle could have opened up eventually, if he was around the right people. The only problem was, the right people never wanted anything to do with him because he was... Merle. And now more people were going to suffer and it was Merle's fault.

Merle sat back down a few minutes later, having discussed whatever plans with the self proclaimed leaders of the group, and grinned at Daryl. It was like he was challenging him, daring him to say a word. Daryl didn't. He didn't say anything at all.

But he'd come to a decision. He wasn't doing this anymore. He _couldn't_ do this anymore. He was leaving out with the others and he was going to trail after them like Merle expected him to. But then he was out. He wouldn't partake in the slaughter of a group of women. If this was how Merle wanted to live out the rest of his days then that was okay. Daryl had come to terms with it. But _he_ didn't have to. He would go home and he would do whatever he could to make amends. He could brainstorm with Rick and the others and they would be waiting in case this group decided to attack.

But Daryl didn't think they really would attack the prison. Merle wouldn't deliberately put Daryl at risk, no matter how mad he was. Daryl was the only person in the world that had ever given a damn about Merle. Merle liked to say it was the other way around. He liked to tell Daryl that no one other than his own brother gave a shit about him. But that wasn't true. Maybe it was true about Merle but Daryl had people that had his back.

Or he had.

He would come clean once he got back. He would tell Carol everything. If she gave the slightest hint that she still cared about him as much as she had before he had left, then he would tell her the rest. He wouldn't waste anymore time because God knew none of them knew how much time was left.

He stood up and realized that he felt lighter. There was a heavy weight lifted from his shoulders as the decision cemented in his brain. No more of this. No more pretending like he was no better than these sons of bitches because he _was_ better than them. Leagues better than them. His heart was heavy because he would be walking away from his very own blood but Merle hadn't given him much choice. Merle wanted to stay because of how lethal the group was. It was secure, unless one of them tried to kill. No outsider would dare try to take out this group.

But there were more important things out there than security. And Daryl could only hope with everything in him that the group would take him back. That _she_ would take him back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Carol wasn't sure what woke her up. She laid there for a while, listening to the rain pounding onto the steal roof of the immense building. The sound of rain was masking any other sounds that she could have heard. The girls on watch knew where she was so if something was amiss they would have come to get her.

A sharp crack of thunder shook the concrete under her bedroll and she sat up straight. The sound startled her, sure, but it was more than that. She tossed the blanket aside and stood up, shoving her feet into her boots and running a hand through her mused hair. The sound had a strange ominous quality to it that made her feel like it was more than just thunder.

It was an omen.

Something was coming. Something was about to happen that had the fine hairs on her arms standing on end. For some reason she felt as though she were standing in the shadow of some great wave that was ready to come crashing down around her.

She threw open the door and, without any light at all, stalked towards the steal switchback stairs that would take her to the second floor. Before she was halfway up them one of the watchers came tearing down towards her, flashlight in hand.

"We saw a group a few blocks over. Looks like they split up but one group is heading right towards us from the west. It's hard to tell how many but we're lucky we saw them at all. That rain is really coming down."

Carol nodded. "Thanks, Jane. Go get Cassidy. Make sure everyone has enough rounds. I'll go out first, Cas can follow just like we talked about. Pair up. I don't want anyone out there on their own," she called over her shoulder as she hurried back down the steps. She tried to tell herself that she was prepared for this. They were all prepared for this. There was a reason they were here and that was to find those men and take them out. Every damn one of them. If the people stalking them now was the group of men that had hurt her friends, then good. They wouldn't expect them to retaliate. They wouldn't expect a group of women to be as dangerous as this group was.

Her rifle was already strapped to her back and she cursed herself and her too tired mind for not thinking of checking the magazine before she went to bed. Now there was no time. She pulled a black bandana from her pocket and tied it around her face. All of the women did when they encountered others. She wished there was more time to change. She didn't want these men to know that they were dealing with women but it was pretty obvious that that's what they were.

Then again, maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe the men would underestimate them. That would be a grave mistake for the men. Carol had been with these women for quite some time and she had made it her mission to make sure that they were prepared for anything that this life had to throw at them. She worked with them constantly. She took the tattered pieces of what was left of their self worth and she mended it by building them back up. She made sure they all knew that they were good and they were tough and they could make it. She gave them a _purpose_ because they had become hers. She wouldn't fail them now. She wouldn't see that lost look in their eyes again. She would fight until she had no fight left in her.

They were outnumbered, but these men, in her mind, didn't stand a chance. They had no heart. They had no loyalty. Carol and her girls had an endless supply of both. They weren't just fighting for their own freedom and survival, they were fighting for each others freedom and survival and that meant that they would fight twice as hard as anyone else. She tried to tell herself that this could be just some random group but she knew, knew deep inside, that this was it. This was what they had been waiting for. This was the group that had tormented some of them.

The rain was coming down in sheets and the darkness wrapped around her as soon as she pulled the door closed behind her. She felt panic for a second and pulled the rifle around, holding it at the ready. She was disoriented as she blinked water out of her eyes but it didn't last long. Her panic could get one of her girls killed and that wasn't happening. Not tonight.

She was thankful she had put those specific girls on the top floor. If they hadn't been paying such close attention there was no way they could have seen anyone in this mess. The rain was coming down in sheets and it wasn't quite daylight yet. It was a small miracle they weren't still asleep and oblivious inside that building.

She headed west down the alley, keeping close to the building. It wouldn't have mattered. She wasn't sure if anyone would have seen her even if she had been walking down the center of the narrow road. There was a chain link fence on the other side and her eyes kept going to it, flashbacks of walkers pressed against the fence at the prison distracting her for a moment. She took her hand off the gun just long enough to run her fingers over the knife strapped to her hip.

When she made it to the corner of the building she wasn't able to make anything out at first but the longer she stood there she was able to see more clearly, shapes on the other side of the street. The rain was lessening now, making it easier to see. And what she saw had her swallowing hard. There were at least ten men walking towards her. They were armed, she could tell that from where she crouched next to the building.

"Come out come out wherever you are!" A man yelled, startling her. Another man elbowed him. The one that yelled just laughed loudly.

Carol brought the gun up, took aim as best she could in the rain and then let loose a short burst of fire. The big mouth dropped and so did his friend. The rest of them scattered. She knew she had stood in the rain long enough that her own group had enough time to get to where they needed to be. These men weren't too smart if they thought that staying together would make them safer. That was just going to make it easier to pick them off.

She smiled to herself and blinked rain out of her eyes. Cas was going to be pissed. She wanted to take her time with a few of these men. When asked what she'd do about the man that had helped her escape she had simply shrugged and said she would just kill that one quickly.

Carol slipped through the shadows like a wraith, her eyes on movement towards the mouth of another alley between two long abandoned factories. These men were making this much too easy on her and her group.

~H~

Daryl knew that they weren't just dealing with your average group of women. As he'd watched them earlier he could see just in the way they carried themselves that they knew how to handle the weapons strapped to their backs and they wouldn't be easy to pick off.

He was glad that they seemed to be even more ruthless than he expected but damn if it couldn't get him and his idiot brother killed. He'd damn near taken a head shot when someone had started shooting from across the street, and he could hear more gunshots coming from another direction. Somehow, in the dark and through the rain, him and the others had been spotted.

He grabbed Merle's shirt, urging him to follow him towards the alley and was surprised when Merle actually stepped in beside him. But so did another man. One of the ones that Daryl had fought before. He cursed under his breath but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Daryl was wanting a moment alone with his brother so he could tell him that he was leaving. He'd thought about just going without saying anything but he couldn't bring himself to actually do it.

At the end of that alley they were taken by surprise when they rounded the corner and nearly ran over a little girl. Little girl was the only word he could use to describe her. She had to to be as young as Beth Greene with that same surprised expression on her face and same boyish frame. Unlike the little girl back at the prison however, this one was carrying a gun and looked like she knew exactly how to use it.

Instantly she aimed and fired, cutting down the man that was with them. Daryl felt a sharp hot pain in his arm and then Merle had the girl. He ripped the gun out of her hands and then wrapped his arm around her throat, hauling her up.

"Stop!" Daryl roared, reaching for his brother so he'd drop the kid. Daylight was coming fast and he could see how scared she was.

"She shot you, dumb ass!" Merle growled.

"She's a fucking kid, let her go!" Daryl spat, glancing at his arm. He hadn't been shot. The bullet had grazed him. It was a deep gash but he'd suffered worse. "Just take her damn gun and let her go. You can't kill a little girl!"

"No, you're probably right," Merle growled into the girl's ear, "But I can sure as fuck teach one a lesson on manners."

Daryl understood why Merle was pissed but he couldn't let his brother hurt the kid. He grabbed the girl's arm and yanked her away from him. The girl cried out but Daryl turned so his back was to his brother and peered down at the girl. "Get the hell outta here. There's men here that you don't wanna run into..." He looked over his shoulder when he heard a dull thud and then Merle was on the ground. Someone was standing there and then she surprisingly tossed the gun aside and grabbed a knife from her hip. Her face was covered with a bandana and her hood was pulled up, obscuring his view even better than the rain and the weak early morning light.

Before he could even fully turn around the woman was lunging at him. The girl pulled away, backing into the wall as Daryl felt a knife come around, pressing into his throat. He couldn't let this woman kill him. Not now that he had finally made the decision to go back to the prison, back to his group.

With a little regret he grabbed at her arm before she could slit his damn throat, pulling it away from him and then threw a hard elbow into her ribs. He looked up in time to see the little girl slide down the wall, her wide eyes full of shock. The woman behind him grunted at the impact and then he turned, sure that the girl wouldn't do anything to him. Her gun was tucked somewhere under his brother's prone form.

He wanted to just get away but he needed to make sure his brother was okay. The woman was crouched in front of Merle, looking ready to pounce. Glancing over his shoulder one last time to make sure the girl was still in place was a mistake. The woman launched herself at him again, knife raised. He managed to catch her wrist just in time and then he found himself turning her, bringing his arm up around her neck like Merle had done the girl.

He didn't hit women. He had never hit a woman in his life. Merle always told him to never put his hands on a lady but to knock a bitch out if need be. He'd never put his hands on a bitch either. But this one wasn't going to let up on him and he wanted to check on his brother. It wouldn't be long before the other men came up on the scene and, despite the fact that this raving lunatic was trying her damnedest to kill him, he really didn't want her killed or taken.

He finally got a hold of her wrist again before she could try to stab him, and managed to yank the knife out of her grip. It all happened fast. As soon as he tried to bring the knife around so he could get it out of her reach, she struggled, shifting her body away from his and inadvertently causing the blade of the knife to dig into her side and back. She didn't cry out, even though he knew that it had to have hurt her, but as far as he was concerned, it served her right.

She didn't know who the hell he was. He'd been trying to help the little girl behind him. He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone and yet, she was giving him no goddamn choice but to hurt her. She was still struggling and all he could do now was let her go. He didn't know how deep that knife had sunk in and he didn't have time to wait around. He just wanted to check on Merle and fucking leave. So he let her go, shoving her hard so she landed on her knees.

He hadn't expected her to get up. He sure as hell hadn't thought that she would have another knife. But she did, and instead of running away like any other woman with any damn sense, she turned and drove that goddamn knife right into his side, strangely close to a scar he'd gotten while looking for Carol's daughter back at the farm.

He had no choice now. She wasn't giving him any goddamn choice. Before she could raise her eyes to meet his he back handed her, trying to get her away before she could pull out the knife and stab him again.

She spun and fell right on her ass right next to Merle's prone form, a sharp cry escaping her. He reached up, gripping the knife handle protruding from his side, knowing that he couldn't pull it out just yet but for some reason needing to feel it there. The rain stopped as suddenly as it had started. He looked down, half tempted to shoot the woman right in the damn head, but then she looked up.

The world froze then and there was a sudden ringing in his ears. In the murky predawn light he watched as the woman stood up slowly, her eyes as wide as he had ever seen them. But it couldn't be her. She couldn't be out here. Not with this group of rogue women.

She reached up and pulled the bandana away, pushing the hood back from her head.

"Carol?" His voice was nothing but a breath, blowing away on the breeze.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

She shook her head and took a step away. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be him because he wouldn't do the things that her friends said this group had done. He wasn't a monster like those men. And if she had it all wrong, if this wasn't the right group of men, then her and the others could have possibly killed innocent people tonight.

It hit her then. The man that had helped them. It had to be him because she knew that he wouldn't ever do the things those other men did. He would have helped them. She knew him. Unless... She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. It had been so long since she had seen anyone from her group, but even longer since she was able to look at him. She never believed that she would see him again. But there he was. His hair was longer, he was leaner, his arms a little more defined, but it was him.

And she'd stabbed him!

She saw his eyes move to a spot behind her and then they narrowed. She glanced over her shoulder and gasped as five men started walking towards them.

She turned, her hand instinctively going to the knife at her hip, but the sheath was empty. The men were leering at her, their eyes cold as they swept over her slowly, like she was standing naked before them. They finally stopped a few feet away from her, one of them kicking Merle's leg roughly.

"Looks like your brother got taken down by a bitch, Dixon," the man said with a grin. "But that's alright. I can take real good care of her for him. Make her scream real good."

Before she knew what was happening Daryl grabbed her from behind, dragging her back roughly. "Fuck you, Leo. This one's mine," he growled, his voice harsh and rough. "Me and her, we're old friends," he said in a voice that didn't sound very friendly at all.

The men all shared astonished looks for a second and then they were grinning. "About damn time. We all thought your dick was broken, since you only ever used it to piss."

Carol scowled but was actually glad to hear this come out of their filthy mouths. He had something up his sleeve because even though he had her arm twisted behind her, his grip was light and he squeezed gently, letting her know that he had to say whatever he could to get her out of this. She felt something hard slip between her fingers and she realized he had pulled the knife out of his side. She gripped it hard, hoping that the hilt was slippery because of the rain and not because of his blood.

"Throw me some rope. She's a fighter," he said to one of the men. "Bitch bout bashed Merle's skull in." One of the men brought him a length of rope and he loosely knotted it around her wrists. "One of you check for a pulse," he said, nodding towards his brother.

Just then Merle groaned and pushed himself up off the street. He rubbed gingerly at the back of his head and then looked up, meeting her eyes. There was no sign of recognition in his gaze and she was sure he didn't know who she was. "You're gonna pay for that, and trust me, I'm gonna make sure it fuckin' hurts."

"Your brother called dibs, Merle. Maybe he won't be gentle with her," one of them laughed.

Merle stood up, shouldering the gun he must have taken. He glared at her and she glared right back. If it wasn't for him and the crap he pulled in Woodbury then Daryl never would have left. Maybe things could have been different. But they weren't different and she had needed something to focus that anger on and here it was. Something that she could blame for all the pain she had suffered.

He took a few steps towards her, glanced at Daryl and then he stopped. She wasn't sure what Merle saw there in his brother's face but he didn't advance on her anymore. The men stepped around them and Daryl turned them both, keeping his grip on her so he could watch the men head towards the alley. Carol didn't see any sign of whoever Merle had been scuffling with. She knew it had been one of her girls but she hadn't been able to see which one.

As soon as the men had their backs to them and was just about to step into the alleyway, Daryl let go of her, wretched the gun out of Merle's hands and then opened fire, cutting all five of them down so fast it took a few moments for her to understand what was going on.

Carol was able to shake the rope off her wrists easily and that was when she was jerked off balance and thrown onto the ground hard. Before she could push herself up Merle was looming over her, his face an angry mask. She was still sure he had no idea who she was.

He was jerked away from her quickly and she raised up in time to see Daryl shove him back. She scrambled to her feet then. Merle was glaring, breathing like a bull and Daryl was mirroring him, their foreheads nearly touching. She still couldn't believe it was him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Merle roared, shoving him in the chest.

Daryl stumbled backwards but regained his balance quickly. Carol took all of two steps before she saw three more people come around the side of the building. She knew who was leading the other two just by the woman's movements and she knew that she only had seconds before both men were gunned down. Carol sprinted towards the brothers, putting herself between them and the approaching women.

"Nice job, Carol. After we kill these two that brings the body count up to ten. Maybe the other girl's were able to take down a few more. What a bunch of idiots."

"Cas, we aren't killing them," Carol said, sensing the tension in the men at her back.

Cassidy stopped a few feet away, the other women flanking her. "What the hell do you..." Her eyes slid to Merle and Carol saw her jaw harden in anger. "You two, huh? You think you get a good guy pass or something?"

"I know them," Carol said quickly, hoping that Merle would keep his mouth shut. Her hopes were dashed seconds later.

"I don't know you, you crazy bitch!" Merle growled and then she heard him grunt. Daryl must have done something to him.

"Oh fuck," Daryl breathed and Carol could hear the dread in his voice. She turned and a terrified sound bubbled up from her throat.

Walkers. A herd of them. Of course they would have heard the shots but she had been hoping that they were far enough away in the city that it would take them longer to get to them. She thought they would be able to take down the men and then get back to the factory before they made it this far.

She heard Cassidy curse and then their eyes met. "We can make it to the factory if we haul ass."

Carol nodded and they all started moving. Or so she thought. She heard footfalls pounding behind her and risked glancing back. Merle was nearly past her but Daryl was slower. Much too slow actually. He was holding onto his side and she remembered, in all the chaos, that she'd stabbed him. She still didn't know if it was a mortal wound and even if it wasn't, it was going to get him killed because he wasn't moving fast enough. The walkers behind him were gaining ground.

A memory flashed through her mind. Him opening the door to what she had thought would be her tomb. Carrying her away from death. Saving her. Regardless of how she may feel about him now, she wouldn't let him die. She stopped, knowing the others were already ahead of her, and then sprinted towards him.

"Fuck!" Merle yelled.

She glanced over her shoulder and gasped. Merle and the others had just passed an alleyway and more walkers started teaming out from between those buildings, cutting her and Daryl off from the rest of them. Within seconds the others were obscured. She finally made it to Daryl just as the fastest walker did. She grabbed his arm, not knowing where the hell they were going to run to but knowing they had to do something. Walkers were coming at them from both ends of the street and there was no where to go.

"Are you fucking crazy!" He spat, anger clear in his eyes. She was about to knife the walker that was reaching for them both.

"Completely certifiable," she grunted and then cried out when something grabbed her from behind. She watched as Daryl ignored the walker that was snapping at his shoulder and then plunged the knife into the one that had gripped her. It was her knife. The one he'd pulled from his side.

Gripping her hand hard his frantic gaze swept over the buildings surrounding them and then he was pulling her towards one of them. She barely noticed the narrow door that he was leading her to until he was kicking it in. There was a steep flight of stairs right behind the door and the two of them started up, the walkers actually stalling in the doorway because they were all trying to enter the space at once. It gave Daryl and Carol a few seconds anyway, and they didn't waste any of them.

The darkness was like a living thing reaching out to pull her down, helping the walkers that sounded like they were right behind them.

"Light?" He gasped once they reached the top.

"What?"

He growled. "Flashlight! Do you have a goddamn flashlight?"

She blinked, felt something grab her ankle and screamed, fumbling in her pocket for the pin light she knew was there as she lashed out with her foot, catching something in the face. She pushed the light into his hand and then kicked again. Jesus, why hadn't he gone further away from the damn stairs?

The light came on and she realized he hadn't gone any further because there was nowhere to go. The stairs led to a small space with a single door directly to the left of them. It opened outwards, which was ridiculous considering how close the door was to the edge of the steps but she didn't have time to think about that because he was shoving her into the darkness beyond. Neither of them knew if there were walkers on the other side. It didn't matter because they both know what was below them. If not for the heavy leather of her boots, she would have been bitten for sure.

They were in another narrow hallway and directly in front of them was another door. To the left, at the end of the short hall was another set of steps that lead up to the third floor and beyond. She had no idea what kind of building they were in. All she could do was hope that wherever they were, there would be something they could use to stop the bleeding in his side.

He tried the door in front of him, found it unlocked and then turned towards her without opening it all the way. Wordlessly he shoved the light into her hand and then proceeded to strip off his belt just as the door to the stairs was about to open. She gripped the lever and pulled it closed again, nearly dropping the light. He fixed the belt to the lever and then wrapped the other end to a pipe that ran from the floor to the ceiling next to the door frame.

His hands were shaking and from the light she could see that he was pale and sweating badly. Once he had the door anchored shut he turned to the door that he had checked, grabbing the light from her wordlessly and pulling the knife from his pocket. His pants were coated in blood from the wound in his side.

"Daryl, let me check," she whispered as he pushed the door open.

"You've done plenty already," he muttered, pushing through.

She didn't respond to his words. Instead she followed him into the room and let out a relieved breath when she looked around and saw that they were in a small kitchen. There was a short hallway beyond the kitchen leading to the rest of the house. She stayed at his back. A living room, bedroom and bathroom lay beyond the hallway. The gray morning light filtered through the dust covering the tall windows. It was neat and tidy, like the renters had simply got up and walked out. There was a putrid smell from the refrigerator but other than that, no smell of walkers.

After they had checked the apartment the two of them stood there, catching their breath, not saying a word. Silently, she left him standing in the living room while she raided the medicine cabinet for anything she could use to patch him up. She found a few things there but hit pay dirt in the pantry in the kitchen when she found a box of first aid supplies.

Her mind was numb. She had taken too many hits to the system this morning and her brain was going into survival mode, refusing to let her feel anything other than a strange calm that made her able to function.

She was sure that there would be time later for the onslaught of emotion that was sure to follow the events.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

He stood there in the middle of the bedroom, trying to wrap his head around everything that had just happened. He was worried about his brother, he was worried about himself, his mind couldn't even process the fact that this woman was Carol. The same soft and sweet person he had left safe behind the walls of the prison.

The rain started up again, pounding against the dirty window but it felt like it was pounding against the inside of his skull. He looked up when she came back into the room. He watched closely, noticing differences in how she moved now, how her eyes scanned the small space despite the fact that they had made sure the apartment was clear. When she looked up she met his eyes levelly, not ducking her head shyly or offering up that sly smile.

"Take off your shirt," she said, her tone brusque, no nonsense.

He knew he needed to listen to her but there was something about her tone that squirmed under his skin, causing him to narrow his eyes. "You gonna explain what the hell is going on?" He asked. "Why are you out here with these people?"

She huffed and then her fingers were boldly working the buttons of his shirt open. He let her, knowing he was injured, knowing he wasn't in the position to put up a fight. "Rick thought that the group would be safer if I wasn't a part of it. He drove me to a subdivision and he dropped me off. I was on my own for a while and then I ran into other women."

Daryl wasn't sure how much more he could take. Nothing she said made any sense. Her being here right now didn't make any sense. Rick wouldn't have done what she was accusing him of. "Rick never would have done that," he said just as she shoved his shirt off.

She smiled but it was cold. "I need you to lay down."

"I need you to tell me how the hell any of this happened!" He barked, losing patience with her.

She looked up sharply. "And I need you to let me take care of this. Please."

He sat down, wincing at the pain that he had nearly forgot about. She pushed him gently her eyes on his injured side. He stretched out and let her take a look. He'd already guessed that it was nothing. The knife had went in a few inches away from the bolt scar, hitting the fleshy part of his side. It was still bleeding but it wasn't life threatening. The only thing he was worried about was infection.

"This is..." Her voice trailed off and he came up on his elbows, looking down in time to see her finger trace the small scar left from a time he had been so sure he'd find her daughter for her. For a few seconds her eyes softened until they became familiar again, her teeth dragging across her bottom lip as her gaze lingered on that scar. Suddenly she was the woman that had spent the last year and half haunting him. "Why did you have to leave?" She whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

He let out a slow breath but before he could answer her question her eyes came up, settling on his and taking on that edge once more. That cool facade slammed back into place and she schooled her features quickly, almost hurriedly.

She cleared her throat and waved her hand at him, like she was dismissing a child. "Never mind. This is gonna sting," she said and then he hissed as she poured alcohol right onto the cut, and then the sadistic woman actually worked the wound so more would get inside.

"Jesus," he growled, squirming.

"We have to keep it from getting infected," she said, wiping away the blood and alcohol. "You'll live."

His teeth slammed together and he silently endured the torture. He was glad that it was only a flesh wound but damn if it wasn't starting to feel like his whole side was on fire. He hadn't had to endure much of this part when his side had been injured that first time because Andrea had shot him in the damn head and he wasn't conscious for the worst of it.

"Now your arm," she said grabbing his hand and urging him up and getting right to work on the bullet graze. Keeping her eyes on her work she asked, "What were you and your brother planning on doing with the girl you had when I showed up?"

Daryl scowled. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Was she accusing him of something?

She shrugged. "Merle looked like he was ready to rough her up."

Daryl shook his head. "She shot at us. He was getting the goddamn gun from her. What? You think we were gonna hurt her?"

She met his eyes. "I don't know. I didn't know it was you. And even if I had known it was you, I don't really know you anymore now do I? You don't seem to be the same man that I knew and I know that I'm nothing like the woman you knew so, were you? Gonna hurt her?"

"No, I wasn't. Neither was my brother. Now will you tell me what happened to you? Why Rick would turn you out like that."

"There was some sort of virus sweeping the prison. A lot of the people from Woodbury were with us by then. I thought... I thought if I got rid of the carriers, that the virus wouldn't spread to the others. I killed a man and a woman, dragged them out and set their bodies on fire."

He felt like the floor had opened up and he was sliding down a dark hole. He shook his head. "You couldn't have done that," he said, wondering what the hell could have happened at that prison after he left.

"I did it because I was afraid that the children would get sick. Anyway, I confessed and Rick got rid of me. He said that I was cold and he couldn't have me around his children," she shrugged. "I wasn't necessarily surprised by what he did. Believe it or not, I don't really put too much faith in anyone at all anymore."

He stared at her as she worked on the cut on his arm but her eyes stayed hard, focused. He tried to understand. He wanted to. He'd killed too, since he'd been gone. "You were tryin' to save the group. You thought you were doing the right thing at least. Even if it didn't work."

She looked at him then and for a brief moment she smiled. It was a small sad smile and very brief but there all the same and he took it as a good sign. "You're all finished. You lost a lot of blood and there isn't anything we can do right now. Get some rest." She turned to walk out of the room, like he'd actually be able to rest at all knowing his brother was out there somewhere, possibly dead. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her. She glanced down at him.

He motioned towards the blood that had soaked through her own shirt. "Your turn," he said gruffly, not wanting her to leave just yet. Hoping that he'd get another glimpse of the woman that he'd missed for a long time now.

She looked down and arched a brow. "I didn't realize I'd even gotten hurt."

He shrugged and grabbed the bottle of alcohol she'd left sitting on the bed beside him. He stayed there on the edge of the bed. "I got your back the worst I think."

She nodded and then turned, shedding the hooded jacket she was still wearing and tossing it to the side. His eyes widened when she stripped the shirt off without a care in the world. Her back was to him so it wasn't like he had a view of anything other than the line of her spine but it still had a strangely embarrassing effect on him.

His eyes zeroed in on the long jagged gash and it sobered him a bit. He went to work cleaning it up, clearing his throat loudly. "So, how exactly did you end up becoming some sort of hard ass?" He asked, just to make conversation. "Sure as hell put up a fight down there."

She glanced over her shoulder and he looked up in time to see another one of those fleeting smiles. Her shoulder lifted lightly in a shrug. "It was just one of those situations where you act without thinking. I'm not a hard ass. I wanted to live and I thought you were going to kill me."

"I wouldn't have killed you," he mumbled, turning her slightly so he could keep cleaning the wound. It curved around her side. She kept one arm crossed over her chest. "This was my last run. I came with them to the city just so I could have somebody at my back. I was leaving the group and coming back to the prison."

She was quiet while he bandaged the cut and then he stood up. With her back to him she walked to the closet, sifting through some clothes until she pulled out a suitable shirt and slipped it on before she turned. "Why?"

"Why what?" He asked, even though he knew what she meant. He'd told himself that if he ever saw her again that he'd be honest with her. He wouldn't beat around the bush. But that was when he thought he was coming back to the same person. He felt like he didn't even know this woman, so what should he say? He shrugged. "I thought I'd be able to stay gone. I thought, with Merle, I'd be able to just do what I'd always done. I was wrong."

She nodded. "I'm not sure what you'll find. I haven't been back. I'm not begging anyone, especially Rick, to let me back in. I don't need him to survive. I've done just fine out here."

He looked up sharply. He hadn't expected her to go back after she'd told him what Rick had done, but to know that she wouldn't even consider it, considering _trying_ if he was with her, well, it stung a little. Were they really that far gone that after seeing one another after a year and a half she'd just watch him walk off without batting an eye? He had known that him leaving had probably hurt her but he was starting to wonder if that was true. "Maybe if we both-"

"Rick made it clear I wasn't welcome," she said stiffly, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

"That's Rick's problem right goddamn there," he snapped, the anger pouring over him in a rush, unexpected and unwelcome. "He's a fuckin' head case. He's been a head case since he lost Lori. Him struttin' around barkin' orders even though he was half out of his goddamn mind, like he was the only person that's ever lost somebody. That was your home. Those people were your family and it ain't right that you would give it all up without a fight." He needed her to understand that she could have it all again. And even if she couldn't have the prison, or the group, back... she could have him if she'd knock down this impenetrable wall she had built. Right now she was more closed off than he had ever been.

"I don't think you understand, Daryl," she said, her voice soft. "I don't need the prison and I don't need those people. My family was Sophia and Sophia is dead. The group at the prison were just people. People I was trying to survive with. Do you think Rick was the only one that thought I was a danger? You know he had people backing his decision."

Daryl shook his head. "That ain't true."

She shrugged. "You keep telling yourself that. But family doesn't abandon family and family doesn't just throw you away like you're nothing. I'm alone and I'm okay with that. You should be okay with it too. Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I actually owe you."

"Owe me?" He asked, frowning.

She nodded. "You taught me that people leave, even when you hope like hell you're worth staying for. They'll leave and they'll do for themselves before they'll ever do for you. Believe it or not, Rick Grimes was far from my greatest disappointment, Daryl." She stepped around him then, closing the door to the bedroom without a backwards glance.

He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. A memory came to the forefront of his mind. The memory of the woman he'd met at the quarry. Her spirit broken, her feelings smashed by a son of a bitch that, at one time, had claimed to care about her. The woman on the farm, the way she'd flinched from his words the night she'd came to him after her daughter was found in the barn. The woman at the prison that had seemed full of hope and promise, the sly teasing she'd rib him with every so often.

Her spirit wasn't damaged. He'd seen that down there in the street when she had fought so hard to survive. But her heart? Yeah, that had taken hit after hit and just from those parting words, he was almost sure that he'd broken it worse than he'd thought when he left the prison. Maybe she didn't really see the injustice in what Rick had done because she had expected him to do something like that. And maybe she expected it because Daryl really had let her down that much.

He wasn't sure if he had much of a chance to make amends with her. She seemed hardened and unwilling to even give him even an inch. Maybe that just meant that he had to fight a little harder.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello. I wasn't planning on posting this until later because I felt like there are still some kinks in the chapter that needs ironed out but it's raining and my internet is acting up and I wanted to get this out in case it went out completely. Thanks for reading, even though I know most of you are busy and don't have a whole lot of time. You guys are awesome.**

 **Chapter Seven**

She took the penlight out of her pocket as soon as she shut the bathroom door. She turned it on and sat it there on the side of the sink before she sat down on the edge of the tub. She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could so no tears could escape and she clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that came unbidden.

She hated crying. She loathed how weak it made her feel but she couldn't keep it at bay anymore. She couldn't let herself feel the things she desperately wanted to feel. She had let her guard down too many times, put her trust in too many people that hadn't deserved it. She hadn't just been hurt by her past, she had been crushed by it. She had been ground into sand and it had taken her so long to begin to put herself together again, one small piece at a time. It hurt too bad to care about people. People couldn't be trusted to not take what you had to offer and throw it in your face. But she wanted so badly to trust him. The memory of the man literally haunted her and to know that he was right there in the other room seemed to be as crushing as the day she learned she'd likely never see him again.

So what if she had ran into him by chance? So what if he seemed eager to make amends? None of it mattered because he'd walked away and he'd stayed away. All she wanted to do was open the door and go to that room and... she wanted to say that she wanted to leave. Just leave the building and find her group and leave the city and never think of him again. She wanted to say that. But what she wanted even more than that was to go back into that room and cry and scream and throw the worlds biggest fit and let him know how bad things really were. Let him know that she was tired of being let down. She was so tired. Tired of feeling like she wasn't worth anything. Tired of craving something that she could never have. Peace of mind, love, acceptance and security, none of it was real but she wanted so badly to have all of it.

She wanted the pain to go away. The never ending ache that she lived with from the moment she opened her eyes until the moment she finally sought sleep. Seeing him, listening to his voice, feeling his hands on her, cleaning up her wounds, it was all too much. The pain wasn't a dull ache anymore. It was a searing hot poker shoved between her ribs, branding her heart and making her wish for things...

Making her wish for things that were simply dead.

She wanted to feel whole again but she knew she never would.

A sharp knock at the door had her standing up quickly, wiping at her face. When she tried to draw a deep breath it shuttered through her, shaking her body physcially.

"You okay?"

She closed her eyes again, his voice making the pain sharper. She had to say something or he'd never go away but if she did he would know and then he would start in with the questions like he gave a good goddamn how she was feeling, or where she had been or who she had...

"Carol?"

"Just go!" She snapped. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing tears. Not for him and not for her old home and not for the bastards that she had thought of as family. She leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling weak, her arms banding around her middle like she needed to physically hold herself together. She truly did feel like she was falling apart.

She kept telling herself that she was okay. She was just tired. And she had been through an ordeal down there. That's all this was about. She was strong and she knew it, had proved it time and time again, but at the moment she just felt so goddamn broken.

"I ain't goin' any damn where. You can open the fuckin' door or I'll open the door. Your choice. Don't matter to me either way."

She wiped at her eyes again, glared at the door until her vision blurred with fresh tears. Couldn't he understand that she didn't want him here? Couldn't he understand that she just wanted to be by herself, to sort out all these feelings that seemed to rush over her like a tidal wave? Of course not.

She jumped when the door flew open, slamming into the wall a few feet away from where she was standing. He stepped into the room but stopped suddenly when he saw her. She heard him curse under his breath and then he was staring at the floor. She tried to slip past him. She'd leave the apartment if she had to. She'd rather face a herd of walkers with nothing but a knife than stand here while he pitied her. Pitied her for letting herself get hurt over and over.

He grabbed her arm, shoved her lightly back into the middle of the room and then kicked the door shut.

"Let me out," she said, her voice cracking in the small space.

He shook his head, grabbed the pin light and then turned it off, plunging the room into darkness again. "You need to tell me what's wrong. For some people it's easier to do that when they ain't getting stared at. So it's too dark to see and I ain't here to stare at you. I just wanna know what the fuck I can do to help fix this."

"There's nothing to fix," she whispered. He was right though. It was easier to have him in here when she couldn't see him and he couldn't see her. She wondered briefly where he'd learned such a strange technique. Then she remembered that out of everyone, he was the one that was the most like her. She shoved that thought away viciously because it caused more tears to flow.

"Okay, I'll start then. I ain't going back to the prison because the only reason I was going back in the first place was for you. You ain't there no more so I ain't got no business there."

She shook her head so hard it made her dizzy and she was silent for a long time. When she did speak she only did so because she truly needed him to answer her question. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because somethin' tells me you needed to know."

"I waited for you," she snapped. "I thought that maybe you'd realize and you'd come..." She shook her head again. "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm happy to see you alive, but as soon as we can, I want you to get your brother, if he isn't dead, and I want you to leave. I don't want you here." Her words were a mirror of his own. He'd thrown them at her a long time ago.

"You never told me-"

"You knew!" She yelled, her voice shaking as badly as her hands. It had taken a lot to keep her composure in the bedroom while he cleaned her up but that shaky grip on her composure was gone. She shook her head. "You knew," she said again, her voice barely audible now. She had loved him and he had known she'd loved him and just like that, he walked away from it because it wasn't enough. It was never enough. It wouldn't ever be enough and she would die before she went through it all again.

"I knew," he agreed after a moment.

"Please leave me alone. If you ever cared about me at all, if you ever cared then just leave me alone," she would beg him if she had to.

"I can't do that."

"It's easy. Turn around and walk away, Daryl. You've had practice," she said, not even able to put any venom in her voice anymore.

"Is that really what you want?" He asked.

She opened her mouth to tell him that was exactly what she wanted him to do. Instead she tried to step past him again, reaching blindly for the doorknob. But she didn't find it. What she ended up grasping was his hand. It wasn't on purpose but that didn't matter. Before she could pull it away his grip tightened. How that small gesture could tear through her so intensely was beyond her, but it did. Like a sledge hammer crashing through her carefully constructed defenses, wrecking her ability to stay away from him.

She let him pull her closer. It was so strange that he would even bother. The man she remembered was so closed off. The man that she remembered would have yelled right back and he would have stormed away and let her have her space. Somehow her arms were around his neck and he was holding onto her so tight that she could barely breath. His forehead hit her shoulder.

She felt like she had let a half ton of burden fall from her shoulders. She'd spent a long time holding in all of that pain and lashing out at him for being one of the people to cause it made her feel lighter, even if she did know that one of the reasons she felt better was because he was right there. He was solid and alive and she had always wondered if he had been killed out there. Merle was tough but he was also arrogant and that could get a person killed.

She desperately wanted to hate him. She didn't want to trust him not to walk away again. But that was hard to do when he was actually letting his own guard down, so eager to let her know that, though too late, he really had been on his way back to the prison. And he had said that he was coming back for her. She closed her eyes and took slow even breaths, his familiar scent filling her up and with every exhale she tried to pretend that she was expelling the bitterness inside her.

Why would he try so hard if he didn't care? But if he cared, why would he leave and not come back in the first place? She wanted to keep him at a distance. She wanted to help him get to where he wanted to go and then walk away without a backwards glance. But she knew that she wouldn't and knowing that scared her more than the walkers. More than the prospect of dying out there.

The tension in the small space was thick and heavy. The moment was surreal and she wasn't sure how to pull away from him because she was right where she had always wanted to be. But it was so risky to want this. His hold on her was still tight and she could feel his heartbeat race against her own. Her mind and body were still suffering exhaustion, the few hours of sleep she had managed the night before having done nothing to make her feel very rested. That's what she needed. Things would be more clear once she wasn't running on empty.

Thunder rumbled above them and then another rumbling sound filled her ears from inside the bathroom. His stomach, pressed flat against hers, growled furiously and he snorted into her shoulder.

She managed a feeble smile. "Maybe there's food here. Whoever lived here seemed to leave in a hurry. Surely there's something salvageable."

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, the words barely audible.

She nodded and finally raised her head. "Me too." Jesus, this wasn't smart. This wasn't smart at all but her defenses were crumbling at the sincerity of his words.

"Once we get out of here, you still want me to go?" He asked, his voice rough and low, his arms loosening.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, then remembered that he couldn't see her. "Against my better judgment, no."

"I ain't goin' anywhere," he said.

"And I'm not prone to emotional breakdowns. I'm just tired." And that was the truth. Physically and emotionally, she was completely exhausted.

"Good cause I ain't used to cryin' women." He finally pulled away but she could feel the tension leaving him.

"Yeah," she sighed, shaking her head and feeling like she was ready to fall on her face. "Neither am I."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Merle looked up, scowling hard at the metal dumpster lid. Rain was seeping through the cracks in the structure and he could still hear the walkers outside, scratching at the walls of the enclosure. He didn't know how the hell they could even smell living flesh over the rank odor of whatever kind of nasty musty shit he was sitting in.

"We need to figure out how to get the fuck out of here," he grumbled, brushing at something that was crawling up his arm.

"You think?" A bitter voice muttered from the other side of the trash bin. "I thought we'd stick around and get to know one another over a feast of moldering bread."

He glared at her. There was just enough light to see by and he knew who she was. She was the one that had been through the worst of the shit with those men. She'd been a hell of a good looking woman when he'd first seen her. Then one night Leo had went into some sort of psychotic rage and had taken a knife to her face. The scars were bad and looked like she'd been attacked by an animal. Three long gashes marred the left side of her face, like she'd been slapped by a bear or mountain lion. The marks were straight and precise despite the fact she had probably tried to put up a fight. They gave her a dangerous look.

Apparently she had been something special to the man and he had gotten sick of the others looking at her. The night he'd mutilated the side of her face Merle had went on a run and brought back as much alcohol as he could bring in from the city, urging the others to drink more and more, calling them a pussy if it looked like they were slowing down. They all assumed he was drinking just as much but he hadn't. Once most of them were passed out he'd hauled the girl out of Leo's tent.

She'd put up a fight too, thinking that Merle was after something else but he'd felt bad enough that all he had wanted to do was see her get the fuck out of camp. He'd never expected her to survive but death at the hands of walkers would have been a lot quicker than what was coming to her with that group. Usually he was pretty damn good at minding his own fucking business. He wasn't hurting those women. He'd done his fair share of killing but he'd never laid hands on one of those girls. After a while, though, something started eating at him. It had become less and less easy to turn a blind eye to what the other men were doing.

He ran a hand over his head and sighed loudly. He wasn't going to try to make small talk with the woman. She was one pissed off bitch and he knew that she wanted him dead. He wasn't sure why, since he was the one that had finally gotten her out of that hell hole, but she seemed hell bent on killing. It was almost like she didn't care what she was killing either. She had taken down walkers with this crazy ass gleam in her eye. When she'd turned the gun on him he'd lucked up and she had nearly been taken down by a walker that she hadn't noticed.

And he'd saved her ass again. And he didn't know why cause the bitch had been about to kill him. He didn't know where the other women had gone. They could have gotten away but he doubted it.

~H~

Daryl sat there on the floor for a long time, staring at the wall and listening to the rain beat against the windows. His back was pressed against the side of the bed. Carol had been asleep for a long time but he didn't want to let his guard down just in case something made it through the doors. He wasn't really in the mood to leave anything up to chance and he wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

His nerves were frayed and he couldn't turn off his thoughts. He wanted to hold on to faith that Merle was alive but there had been so many walkers he wasn't so sure. Not to mention, those women hadn't looked like they were the type to show any man any mercy at all. He'd recognized all three of them. If Merle had made it through the herd then he'd also have to deal with the women. The odds were stacked against him.

But he was Merle. After all, and if anyone could slip their way out of a tight spot, it was him. When his ego wasn't getting in the way, his brother was damn smart. He could easily hang on to hope when it came to his brother.

Merle was only one of the problems at hand that plagued him, though. He had more hope in Merle's survival, despite the odds, than he had for him to reconcile with the woman sleeping behind him. He was a hunter and he'd seen his fair share of wild animals in pain. The look in their eyes. She had that same look in hers when he'd busted into that bathroom. It had fucking stunned him. And it wasn't just the pain there either. It was also the stark fear he saw. She was afraid and he knew exactly what she was afraid of and it made him feel lower than the dirt caked onto the bottom of his boots.

Ed, him, Rick... The shit that woman had taken at the hands of men she'd trusted had worn her down and then when she had recreated herself, she had made sure to create something hard. She didn't want to feel and he couldn't blame her. He'd be a goddamn hypocrite if he did because deep down, further down than he ever liked to venture, he knew that Merle wasn't the only reason he had left the prison that day. She had been another reason.

Earlier she had accused him of knowing how much she'd cared about him and she had been right. He had known and he hadn't wanted it. He hadn't wanted it for the same reason _she_ didn't want it anymore. When you gave a part of yourself to someone, you also had to trust them not to take it and use it against you. It had happened to him throughout his whole goddamn life and as he slowly came to the realization that she did, indeed, love him, it had caused him to panic.

Glenn's words the day he had left had only confirmed it. It had let him know that he wasn't the only one that saw it. She loved him and that was reason enough to leave. He could say it was only for Merle all he wanted, and that was a large part of the truth, but it wasn't all of it.

But he wasn't as scared of it as he had been back then. Since he had left the prison he had seen the worst of the worst. He had witnessed the ugliest and darkest parts of human nature rise to the surface and turn regular men into vicious monsters, and after a while it had changed him. He wasn't a monster and he wanted something that wasn't dark and ugly. He had wanted free of the vileness that made up his life and the only thing he could think of, after a while, was getting back to her.

Because she'd been the only thing in his life that seemed to not carry the taint of what this new world made out of mere people and he'd needed to know that she was still the same.

But she wasn't the same and he was partially to blame for that and he felt the impact of how much he had failed her. Not for the first time he cursed himself for not figuring out a way to go back to the prison that day. Cursed himself for using Merle as an excuse to escape something that he wasn't sure he could give back to her.

He looked over his shoulder, like he had been doing periodically for most of the day while she fitfully slept and was surprised to see her lying her on back with her eyes trained on the ceiling. He had checked out the window earlier and noticed that the walkers on the street had thinned out. The rain was washing their scent away. Their were probably still too many in the stairway to safely fight through but a window in the back led right out onto a rusted fire escape that looked like it hadn't been up to code since the seventies.

"You didn't even try to get any rest, did you?" She asked without looking at him.

He stood up, stretching the kinks out of his back. "Been sittin' on my ass for a long time. That's about all the rest I'm willing to risk."

"They aren't getting inside," she said quietly. She still hadn't looked at him.

"Yeah, well, better safe than sorry, right?" He muttered. "Wasn't too tired anyway."

She raised up on her elbows and then ran a hand through her hair. "Cassidy and I were up for nearly three days scouting the city. I slept a little last night but it didn't really count for a whole lot." She sat up, swinging her legs around and looking at the floor. "Do you think we can just forget about what happened earlier? I hadn't slept or eaten anything and everything that happened had me completely out of my mind."

He stared down at her for a moment and he was about to tell her sure, he'd forget it, but that wasn't going to solve a damn thing. "You said what you said cause it was the truth. I ain't gonna forget you said it."

She shook her head and then her eyes came up, meeting his in the waning light. "What do you want from me, Daryl? Why were you coming back?"

"I told you why I was comin' back."

She stood up, looking a little defeated. "And now you know that the woman you came back for is gone. She's staying gone. So what do you want from me?"

He looked past her towards the window, focusing on a bead of rain that was winding down the pane of glass. "I don't know anymore," he said, hearing a little defeat of his own. He wasn't going to lie to her though. He didn't know this woman. He thought maybe the woman he knew was still in there somewhere, but right now, she wasn't her.

"Thank you," she said quietly, drawing his eyes back to hers.

He held her gaze before letting it slip away, back to the window. "For what?"

"For being honest." She smiled slightly and then stepped past him, leaving him standing in the bedroom, watching after her for a few moments before he followed. He needed to show her that they had an escape route, as long as the damn fire escape didn't crumble under their feet, and even if it did, they could easily survive the fall. It would be worth it to be able to get the hell out of the city.

"You think we should spend the night and start fresh in the mornin'?" He asked as she gazed out at the fire escape. He'd managed to open the window with minimal noise so now they could at least get a little fresh air.

"I want to find my group," she said, eyes scanning the alleyway below.

He nodded. "Wouldn't mind finding my brother either."

She looked up then, her gaze sweeping over him quickly before nodding. "Let me clean you up one more time and then we can go. If you want to sleep for a few hours that's okay too. We can just leave while it's dark."

"You just wanna watch me squirm when you dump that damn alcohol in the cut," he grumbled. "I'll be fine. You cleaned it, it's covered. I wanna go."

She shrugged and then gave him a once over. "I don't care either way. I was just trying to get you out of your shirt again," she deadpanned, her face expressionless.

He felt the heat in his face then but his pulse sped up. Not because he thought she actually wanted to fool around but because this was her. This was the woman he'd known. The tips of his ears were burning. "Stop," he muttered, ducking his head from her level gaze and looking out the window.

He cut his eyes to her and caught her lips turning up. "Still so damn bashful. I missed you like crazy back at that prison. I hated you for leaving. I still hate you for leaving, but I'd be a liar if I tried to pretend that... well, I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're still you."

He snorted but met her eyes. Her face was open, almost warm, despite the fact she'd told him she hated him. He didn't honestly believe she did. He believed that she wanted too but he didn't think it was in her to truly hate him. "You ready to get out of here?" He asked, just to keep from feeling so goddamn awkward.

She nodded and threw her leg over the windowsill but he grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

"I'll go down first," he said, unable to drown his worry over the condition of the fire escape.

She looked up sharply, her eyes catching the last traces of waning light and then, despite everything that had transpired, she grinned at him. He froze at the site of it because he hadn't been too sure he'd ever see it again, even though he had no idea why she was grinning at all. "Even better," she said quietly.

He opened his mouth to ask her what the hell she was talking about and then a memory hit him right in the face. The bus out in the prison yard the first night that they had cleared it. She'd enjoyed teasing him and he hadn't realized a moment ago that he had said the same exact thing to her back then. He remembered how happy she had been that night. How free it had felt to be in such a secure place after the rough winter they'd endured. "Shut up," he mumbled, despite how glad he was to see traces of her old self. He flashed her a grin of his own and she blinked in surprise before he ducked out and stepped lightly onto the corroded landing.

For the first time in a long time, the smile lingered. Things weren't going to be easy, but he had a feeling that eventually, they would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

They had to drop down the last seven feet because if they'd released the ladder it would have made too much racket. He was ahead of her and she heard the sharp intake of breath when his feet hit the ground and his hand went to his side. She felt a sting of guilt and she worried that he would start bleeding again.

She landed lightly on her feet and looked up at him worriedly but he instantly shook his head. "I'm fine. Just stings."

She nodded and started down the narrow alley. It wasn't smart to stick around when they were blocked in on three sides by buildings. If another herd came by and noticed them down there, there was nowhere for them to go. The street was better, but only a little. Her and the others had done a good job fortifying the old warehouse they'd holed up in and she wanted to get to it. She needed to see how many people she had lost. She needed to organize search parties for ones that may still be alive but in trouble.

The street at the end of the alley was deserted, as she had expected it to be. The two herds that her and Daryl had been trapped by were on the other street at the front of the building and the part of the herd that split them up had went after the others and were likely a good distance away. As long as Cassidy and the others didn't come this way, her and Daryl should have clear streets to the warehouse. They ghosted through the streets like wraiths as darkness descended on them. She almost welcomed the dark and the threat of the walkers. It kept her mind busy and she needed that right now.

She had humiliated herself up there in that bathroom and she wanted to forget that it had ever happened. She had looked weak and pathetic and desperate and that wasn't who she was. Not anymore. And she'd be damned if she was going to revert back to the beaten down whimpering woman she had been.

She shook her head in disgust. She had been through hell. She had suffered loss after loss and she had come out on the other side alive and fighting. She wouldn't let down her guard. Not again.

She glanced over and scowled as he met her eyes. She could tell herself over and over that she wouldn't but already she could feel it. She could feel the walls she'd constructed around her heart start to weaken just from looking at him.

"We close to wherever we're goin'?" He whispered as she paused at the corner of a building. They were out of what used to be the bustling part of the city and back on the familiar industrial district. The ugly side of Atlanta. Well, uglier. All of Atlanta was pretty damn ugly now.

"We're almost there," she said, ready to step away from the building. She took in a sharp breath when suddenly he grabbed her arm and pulled her through a doorway. Before she could ask him what he was doing his hand came up, covering her mouth from behind. The building he pulled her into had a huge window next to the glass fronted door and he eased her backwards, keeping his hand over her mouth and her back pressed against his chest.

She was about to jerk away from him because his presence seemed overwhelming but then she looked up and saw four men, rifles strapped to their backs, strolling past. She didn't know how he had managed to hear them coming. It was obvious she was completely off her game. She was aware of how outnumbered and outgunned they were. If he hadn't heard them, she'd be as good as dead. She relaxed against him and he moved his hand from her mouth. She expected him to move away from her now that he was sure she knew they needed to lay low for a few minutes, but he didn't. His arm stayed banded around her middle and the hand that had covered her mouth was now resting low on her hip.

She became hyper aware of his proximity then. The heat of his body pressed flushed against hers, the steady rise and fall of his breath, the acceleration of his heartbeat, the warm exhale on the back of her neck and the subtle flex of his fingers into her hip.

The wall inside her weakened a little more and a new tension seemed to engulf them. Why hadn't he moved away from her yet? Why did she feel like if he did move away, it would cause her physical pain? His pulse quickened when her hand covered his, linking their fingers. She felt the pressure of his forehead hit her shoulder.

Wanting him like this was stupid. It was beyond stupid. She had even told herself that at the prison, back when he had been her friend. Back when he had looked after her like she meant something to him. But now it was even more stupid to feel this way. To want what she was wanting from him. But she couldn't talk any sense into her body or her mind or her heart. It had been so long since she had felt anything good. It had been so long since she had craved the touch of anyone at all, let alone a man. Especially this man, that had the power to crush her all over again.

She swallowed hard, amazed and terrified and almost ashamed of how intensely she was reacting to him. He turned his head, is nose skimming the delicate skin of her throat. She no longer felt his heartbeat thundering against her back because her own thrumming pulse was drowning out everything else.

"I think we can go now," he whispered, his voice smooth and low next to the shell of her ear. It was a timbre she'd never heard him use before and it sent a jolt through her that had her fingers tightening around his.

She nodded vaguely but didn't try to move. Didn't even _want_ to move. But they had to go. She had a group that depended on her and she couldn't let her body's reaction to him cause her to lose focus. She sighed and then reluctantly pulled away, leaving him standing behind her as a physical ache started in her chest at the loss of his warmth.

~H~

He let her pull away. He didn't want to but it was the smartest move at this point. Everything was already more complicated than they needed to be between them and if he did what he had wanted to do then it was only going to make things worse. She was so different now, so closed off, but it was those small moments where she let glimpses of the woman he remembered shine through that had his head going in all different directions.

And even though he hated to admit it, felt bad for thinking it, it didn't matter who she was now as far as his body was concerned. He wanted her and he was certain that she felt the same way. He could smell it on her, and he could feel it in the subtle trembling of her hand when it had covered his. There were a lot of things that needed to be addressed between them, there were a lot of issues that needed to be talked over, but if she had given him even one more hint that, physically, she wanted him, then he would thrown all caution to the wind.

He had to get that out of his damn head but it wasn't easy. Especially when she turned to face him and he could see how wide her eyes were. See the color in her face and the way she bit down hard on her lip when she looked at him.

"You ready?" She asked.

He nodded and stepped around her, heading towards the door. He was ready. He was ready to rip her clo- He shook his head hard, dislodging the thought as he stepped out into the rain, reaching back and grabbing her hand just because he needed the reassurance that she was close. She didn't pull away so that was something at least. She wasn't scared off by the tense moment they had just shared.

He let her lead the way but she kept a firm grip on his hand, though her expression was troubled. Further into the city, somewhere behind them, more gunshots rang out and they both flinched. Her steps quickened and he knew she was eager to do a head count of her group. He silently hoped that wherever Merle was, he was at least safe for the time being.

She surprised him when she went to the middle of the street, standing there for a few moments before waving once. He strained his eyes in the dark but couldn't see anyone. She started walking again, towards a boarded up warehouse that sat away from the others. Slipping down the alley that cut the building off from the next she finally dropped his hand.

"They aren't gonna like the fact that I brought you here," she said softly.

He didn't say anything. He'd already guessed that. If these women were half as bitter as she was then he was probably in for some serious trouble.

Right before they made it to the back door it opened and a woman came out, ignoring him completely and throwing herself into Carol's arms. Carol hugged her back just as fiercely.

"I wasn't sure if you made it. Cassidy said you got surrounded and the last time she saw you there were walkers coming at you from all sides!" The girl said as she pulled away and then gripped Carol's hand, tugging her towards the entrance.

"I'm fine, Emma," Carol said reassuringly, closing the door behind them and then shoving a steal rod in place. "Cassidy is here?"

The girl nodded, glanced at Daryl and then did a double take. "You," she said in a hushed voice.

Daryl recognized her then. She'd been one of the younger ones, no more than eighteen. The men had killed her dad and taken her. She was one of the first ones he'd gotten out of the camp. He nodded to her.

"Your brother's here. Cassidy brought him in. Some of the others wanted to kill him but she wouldn't let them," Emma said hurriedly.

Daryl felt his eyes widen and he shared a look with Carol.

"Wait, Cassidy wouldn't let them kill him?" Carol asked, sounding surprised.

Emma nodded. "She wouldn't let many of us near him at all. She was pretty intense but then again, when isn't she?"

Carol flashed a nervous smile at the girl. "Do you know if she's hurt him?"

Daryl scoffed but both Carol and the girl shot him a look. "What? You two can't believe that some woman could-"

Emma cut him off, her eyes sliding back to Carol like Daryl wasn't even there. "She hasn't physically hurt him but I'd say he's a little humiliated at the moment. Right now he's cuffed to a pole wearing nothing but his underwear. I don't know if she wants to embarrass him before she kills him or what but he's pretty upset."

Carol shook her head, sighing loudly. "Lead the way, Emma. I have to see this."

Daryl trailed after them, noticing other women looking up as they passed, all of them glaring at him, even the ones he recognized. Carol was greeted warmly enough but they all seemed to bristle at his presence. He was sure that they had the wrong man. Merle wasn't invincible or anything but he doubted that a group of women could...

"Oh my God," Carol muttered when they stepped into a large cavernous space.

"Jesus he's gonna kill every woman in this place when he gets off there," Daryl whispered, his eyes wide and disbelieving. There was no way he was seeing what he was seeing. The girl had been right. Merle was standing there in the center of the room, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers shorts, his good hand cuffed to a steal pillar.

"Daryl?" Carol whispered.

He glanced down at her and was surprised to see that she was fighting back a laugh. He glanced back at his miserable brother and actually had to hold back a laugh of his own. This was insane. "What?"

"Was it laundry day? He has hearts on his underpants," she nodded towards Merle.

He tried not to laugh but the indignant look on his big brother's face was too much. And he was, indeed, wearing boxers shorts with hearts on them. Daryl barked out a laugh that had the women in the room tensing and aiming rifles right at them. When they saw Carol they instantly lowered their guns. Merle had spotted them now and he was scowling.

"What the fuck are you laughin' at you dick! Get me the fuck outta here or I swear I'm gonna fuckin'-"

"Stop your yelling or the shorts come off next." The voice came from the doorway across from them. He looked up and saw Cassidy step into the room. She regarded him coldly before turning those cold eyes on Carol. "Why did you bring him here?" She asked, angrily.

Carol tensed next to him. "I know him and so do you. He isn't a threat," Carol said in a hard voice. "And neither is his brother. If you were planning on killing Merle you should have done it before bringing him here."

Cassidy lifted her chin a fraction of an inch but he saw uncertainty in her eyes. "You really think the rest of our group is gonna go for that? For just letting them go?"

"I don't care what they think. We don't hurt people that haven't tried to hurt us. If anything, these girls owe this man and from what I've learned, you wouldn't have gotten away if not for Merle. So we're letting Merle put his clothes back on and we're letting them stay if that's what they decide to do."

Cassidy shook her head. "They aren't staying here."

Carol took a step towards her and even Merle was watching carefully, eyes flicking from one woman to the next. It looked like things could get pretty ugly and Daryl wanted his brother freed before that happened.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Carol cared about the women in this group. They had been through a lot together and she would hate for something to splinter the bond she had with them. But when it came right down to it, as much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, _especially_ to herself, she would turn her back on every single one of them if it meant keeping Daryl safe. And part of keeping him safe was keeping his brother alive because losing Merle again would devastate him.

"We need to talk. Alone," Cassidy said, motioning towards the doorway she had emerged from.

"Seems like it. But we're giving him his pants back first," Carol said firmly.

Cassidy shrugged. "I burned them."

"What!" Merle barked, startling the girls again.

Cassidy turned around, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "We sat in a dumpster all day! They reeked."

Merle looked down, shaking his head and grumbling to himself as Carol followed the other woman into the hallway. Cassidy spun around, her eyes blazing and her arms crossing over her chest. The scars on her face seemed more prominent in the face of her anger. "What the hell is this about?"

"They've saved people," Carol hissed, glancing towards the door.

Cassidy shook her head. "It's not just that. Who is he?"

"Merle's brother. You already know who he is."

"He's the one that saved the others," Cassidy said, keeping her own voice cool. "But you know him."

Carol nodded. "He was a member of my group."

Now Cassidy tossed her a cold look. "The one's that kicked you out of your home? That group?"

"He was already gone when they did that. He wouldn't have let it happen," Carol said, surprised that she knew she was telling the truth.

"You're serious about letting them stay with us?" Cassidy asked, unable to keep the disgust out of her voice.

"If that's what they choose to do, yes. They're staying. They haven't hurt anyone."

"They're murderers!" Cassidy spat.

Carol gave her a slow smile. "So am I," she said, her voice carrying an edge.

"You're putting all of us at risk," Cassidy said bitterly.

Carol shook her head. "You know I wouldn't do that. Now, send someone to get Merle one of those work uniforms or pick through some of the other cast off clothes we've rounded up so he'll have something other than his underwear. I can't believe you did that to him."

Cassidy rolled her eyes and was about to storm off but then stopped. "Emma rigged us a shower in the loft. Her and her group were cut off by walkers and came back pretty quick after we all left out this morning so she had time on her hands. I hope your boyfriend drowns." With that she turned and stormed off.

Carol stared after her, shaking her head. She understood why the other woman felt this way. She had been through a lot, had been tortured more than the others at the hands of those men, but it wasn't right for her to take that out on the Dixons when the two men had done what they could to help.

She went back to the room she had left Daryl. He was standing with his brother, the two of them talking low. Merle was still cuffed and still in his underwear. She cleared her throat, drawing their attention. When Merle looked at her she felt like he was studying her more closely now and she saw the recognition in his eyes.

"Well I'll be damned. You sure went and turned yourself all the way around, huh?" Merle asked, his eyes raking over her.

She smiled tightly. "I'll get you some clothes and something to eat." Her eyes slid to Daryl. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

He glanced at Merle and then nodded, following her towards her own room. She trusted Cassidy wouldn't kill Merle while she talked to Daryl. She led him to the room that she had claimed for herself and shut the door behind her. She was silent until the lantern was lit.

"This the part where you tell me your friends want us to hit the road?" He asked, his voice guarded.

She studied him for a few long moments before she shook her head. "Unless you want to leave, I want you here." She meant the words but almost regretted them as they left her mouth. "You two can sleep in here. This is my room. You didn't get any rest at all and you can try to strut around and act like you don't need sleep but I want to move out of here soon. If you two are in here it isn't likely anyone will try to kill you."

He glanced around the room. "Seems like a good place to hole up. You got the city to scavenge and this place seems damn secure. Why you wanna keep runnin'?"

She bit her lip, her eyes wandering over the small space of the room before settling on his. She hadn't really thought about staying anywhere. The group, her group, had a vendetta. They stayed on the move because they had been trying to track the men that had hurt so many of them. She herself had stayed on the move for reasons that she couldn't even put her finger on. But now that he was standing there, only a few feet away, it seemed like maybe it was a good idea to talk to them about finding a permanent place.

It hadn't occurred to her until this very moment that possibly, she had been searching for something specific. Or someone specific. "Maybe you're right. Feels like I don't really need to be on the run anymore. There isn't anything else to search for."

For a few long moments they stood their, eyes locked. When the door opened suddenly they both jumped. Emma walked in, looked between them and then blushed. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to any of us needing any privacy. I didn't know you two were in here," she said hurriedly.

Carol shook her head. "It's fine, Emma. Did you need something?"

Emma handed her a stack of clothes. "I went through some of our stuff and found some pants that might fit them. I thought it might be better than the uniforms in the back. Maybe fashion isn't really something we have to worry much about anymore but I would hate to see anyone have to wear a blue jumpsuit," she said, making a face that showed how distasteful she thought that was.

Carol took the stack and smiled at the girl. "You're a life saver, Emma."

Emma bit her lip, her eyes widening. "Cassidy is getting worried. So are a few of the others."

Carol rolled her eyes. "There isn't anything to worry about. These men aren't-"

Emma shook her head, cutting her off. "Not about the men. Mercy and a few of the others haven't came back yet. With all the chaos out there, they could be dead. But knowing that the walkers weren't the only things out there tonight has everyone nervous. It's one thing to know our people didn't make it but to think those men might have them..." She shivered visibly. "Mercy can't even talk, Carol. If she has to go through much more..."

Carol felt cold all over. When they had first found the girl Carol hadn't expected her to make it very far in this world. She hadn't been able to speak and she'd cowered from all of them. Over the months she had gotten better. She'd learned to shoot and she'd learned to communicate when she needed to. She'd written her name down on a post it note in an office they had been staying at on the outskirts of the city. That was really all they knew about her.

"Who's Mercy?" Daryl asked suddenly.

Carol looked at him then, saw the worry in his face. He didn't know this girl but still he was concerned. "She's our youngest. She might be fifteen or sixteen, none of us are sure. She's mute."

Daryl frowned. "I think I might have seen her. She's the one that cut down the men me and Merle were with. Merle had her when you came outta nowhere and bashed his head in."

Carol nodded. "So we know the last place she was." She tossed the clothes onto her pallet. "Emma, get Cassidy and round up the rest of the group that got cut off and came back here early. Tell them to load up I want you to stay," she added hastily, giving the girl a look that told her arguing would do her no good at all.

Emma nodded sharply and hurried out the door. Carol watched her go, her heart sinking. She hadn't wanted to take on the responsibility of that girl in the first place. The odds had been stacked against her from the start and now, Carol felt like she had already lost her. How many more girls would she lose?

She went to step past him but felt his grip on her arm. She didn't pull away.

"You're goin' out there?" He asked.

"I can't sit here not knowing," she said. "We already saw at least four of them. Those men are still out there and you know what they'll do to her. You stay and get some sleep, Daryl. We'll be back before dawn."

He shook his head, looking at her like she was crazy. "You ain't goin' alone."

"I'm not going alone," she agreed, "But I'm not going with you either."

He scowled down at her.

"Don't give me that look. You aren't half as terrifying as you think you are," she said with a small smile. "I don't need you out there with no sleep. We've been through a lot, Daryl. Physically and otherwise. It isn't smart and if I'm going to get these girls back, I can't be distracted with you. Besides," she added, "You're injured."

"So are you!"

She sighed and met his stare. "Something tells me I'm on the mend." There was a double meaning to her words and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew it.

Reluctantly he nodded. "You sure your minions ain't gonna come castrate me in my sleep?"

She laughed softly, the sound strange to her ears. "I think they know better. You'll be okay. Just keep your brother on a short leash, okay? If there's any trouble, it'll be because Merle was being Merle."

He finally nodded. She could see the fatigue written all over his features. "Watch your ass out there."

"I will. Get your brother something to wear. If I were you I'd probably take advantage of the rain and get a shower. Emma rigged something for us to use the water. You seriously reek."

He snorted and shook his head. For some reason she couldn't resist taking a step closer and pushing his hair out of his face. He grew still under her touch, a guarded look in his eyes. She had a strange urge to press her lips to his then but she shook the thought as soon as it entered her mind. Instead she pulled his head down and kissed his forehead and then dropped her hand, hurrying out of the room before she could read his expression.

She needed to get away from him. She needed time to think about things without his presence influencing her better judgment. She needed a moment to readjust to these new circumstances and she needed to get away from him to try to talk herself out of falling all over again. Because she was. She was falling and she was falling very hard and very fast and it was a terrifying feeling because she wasn't certain that the bottom of the fall wouldn't kill her.

She spent another thirty minutes going over a game plan with Cassidy, who refused to stay behind. Carol was already tired of arguing with her so she didn't object. It was also a lot more safe for Merle and Daryl if the other woman was around for Carol to keep an eye on. She did take it as a good sign that Cassidy hadn't killed Merle. She hadn't even let the other girls try. So maybe there was hope for her. Maybe there was a little hope for both of them.

She hadn't realized how much hate she harbored inside of her until she started feeling it slowly drain away.

She needed to talk to him one more time before they headed out but when she checked her room, he wasn't there. His bother on the other hand, was. He was sprawled out on her pallet, hands behind his head. He was dressed in a pair of green cargo pants and a black shirt and she could tell that he was clean. They must have found the shower.

She made her way to the second floor, her feet silent on the catwalk that ran the center of the old building. When she made it to the end where it formed a T she turned left and headed to the area where they had built the makeshift shower. She wasn't really expecting to find him up here but right before she walked through the doorway to the room she saw him.

Her mouth dropped open and she stepped back into the shadows. She knew she should avert her eyes but it wasn't easy. If he knew she was there he'd strangle her. She felt like he was already strangling her because her breath was locked somewhere in her lungs. The lantern was turned down low, leaving a lot of the room in shadows but there was enough light hitting him for her to see every inch of his body in stark detail. And maybe if it had been any other man she could have looked at him in an indifferent light. But he wasn't just any man.

The water was pouring in from a pipe that was fixed to a hole in the ceiling. She had a full frontal view him, his head tipped back as his hands ran over his hair, scrubbing away the grime. His shoulders were broad and strong and hard years of survival insured that his body was hard and lean. Her gaze swept down over the wide expanse of his chest, studied the flat planes of his stomach that led down...

She swallowed so hard she thought for sure he would be able to hear it over the rain pounding on the metal roof. She ran a hand through her hair, unable to stop looking at him, knowing that she should stop. Her whole body felt flushed, partly from embarrassment and partly out of an unrelenting desire to take off her own clothes and get right under the water with him.

He was a lot more man than she was accustomed to and the fire that ignited low in her body was screaming for her to do something, anything at all, that would bring relief.

"Woman, if you squeeze those thighs together any harder you're gonna break your damn legs."

She spun around and was staring wide eyed into the smug face of Merle Dixon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Daryl thought he heard voices coming towards the shower room so he jumped right out of the water and hurriedly started shoving his legs through the jeans someone had found for him. By the time he had them buttoned and he'd grabbed the shirt, Carol was shoved into the room and Merle soon followed, grinning like Daryl hadn't seen him grin in over a year. Carol's face was flushed and she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"What's goin' on? I thought you were leaving," he asked, holding the shirt firmly in his fist.

She nodded. "I was. I am. I was just-"

"She saw you naked," Merle said, the grin so wide it looked like it was going to split his face in half.

Daryl felt his jaw clench as his face turned red. He knew Merle was telling the truth because when she looked up she quickly looked away and her denial came much too late.

"It wasn't like I came up here to peep at you! I didn't know-"

"She didn't know but she sure as hell didn't stop lookin' once she caught you with your dong out," Merle cut her off again.

Daryl looked down and then back up, feeling the tips of his ears burning.

"Shut up, Merle! You aren't helping," she snapped, her eyes flashing at his brother.

Merle laughed, the sound echoing strangely off the steal walls. "You haven't even dried off but I bet she's a lot wetter than you."

Daryl closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying not to lose his shit on either of them. At Carol for being a pervert and at Merle for... well, for being a pervert. "Merle, go away," he muttered, slipping the shirt over his head. "And just for the record, the water was cold," he added, just in case she wasn't very impressed with what she got an eye full of.

Merle shook his head on his way out. "Didn't matter. Even if there was some cold water shrinkage, her mouth was waterin' for it. Imagine when she gets an eye full when it's at it's peak." He disappeared through the doorway.

Daryl shook his head, not knowing what the hell to say now. What the hell was she doing coming up here any damn way? When he finally looked up at her he was shocked to see that her eyes were lingering below the belt he was about to buckle. "Carol!"

She jumped and then looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!"

She shook her head, licked her lips nervously and then turned around, hurrying out of the room like her ass was on fire. He stared after her, wishing that he'd just forgotten all about the shower and gone to damn sleep.

When he got back to the space she'd claimed for herself, Merle had split her bedroll so now there was somewhere for Daryl to sleep too. His brother was lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head. Daryl ignored the smile his brother flashed him and stretched out on his own bed.

"You sure that's the same woman?" Merle asked once Daryl's eyes were closed.

He opened his eyes but Merle had killed the lantern. The room was dark. "She's the one that was married to the woman beater. I done told you that."

Merle chuckled. "She's gonna eat you alive little brother."

"Shut up, Merle." His mind drifted back to the way her body felt when they'd been hiding from the men but then he tried to force it away. Things were too messed up to be thinking about that. Way too fucked up. She didn't trust him not to hurt her again. He needed to take the time to get to know the woman that she was now. They needed to be in a better place before anything happened. If anything was going to happen. If Merle could have read his thoughts in that moment he would have kicked him right in the head.

~H~

Carol hoped that finding the camp was going to be as easy as Merle had let on. He had given them directions and landmarks but she wasn't like Daryl in the woods. She was better than some of the girls, just because she had spent that one long winter with Daryl on the road with Rick's group, but that didn't make her an expert. The rain wasn't making it any easier either. She was starting to think that it would have been smarter to bring one of the Dixons with them.

But Daryl was exhausted and injured and Merle seemed run ragged himself. She needed to stop pretending that she could do it all because, at the moment, she wasn't exactly sure if she was heading in the right direction.

"What do we do if their camp is abandoned?" Cassidy asked.

Carol shook her head. "Surely they wouldn't move out during a storm like this. If they have our people, they'll bring them here for sure. It wouldn't make any sense not to."

Cassidy nodded. "To bad you didn't bring your pet with you. He could have led us right to them."

Carol bristled at the barb. "He would have been a lot more helpful than you. And likely wouldn't be such a bitch," she said, keeping her voice pleasant.

Cassidy glared at her but Carol pretended not to notice. It was still steadily raining and it was dark and she was starting to think that she wasn't leading them in the right direction anymore. The last thing she needed was Cassidy's running commentary about Daryl.

She was on the verge of making a call for them to stop and try to figure out exactly where they were but before she could even say anything at all, she felt a blinding pain in the back of her head. As her body pitched forward, she heard a piercing scream and then a short burst of gunfire. Blackness encroached on her, paralyzing her as she finally lost consciousness.

~H~

Daryl sat up, blinking into the inky blackness of the room, his heart hammering. He was sweating and his breath was coming in quick pants. He didn't remember dreaming. He had no idea why he was even awake. He could tell he hadn't slept for very long but he knew there was no point at all in trying to get any rest.

He swiped a hand over his face, realized he was shaking, and then swallowed. His mouth was dry.

"If you're over there jerkin' off that damn loud I'm kickin' you right in the nuts," Merle growled sleepily from the other side of the room.

"Shut up," he croaked, that nervousness multiplying instead of easing. Reaching for the lantern he moved so he was on his knees. An overwhelming sense of trepidation washed over him and he felt like if he didn't get out of the room he was going to go crazy. He gave up fumbling with the lantern and stood up, his hand sliding along the wall towards the door he knew was there.

He stepped out of the room and tried to shut the door behind him but Merle pulled it open, stepping out next to him, looking at him with bleary blood shot eyes. Things didn't tend to keep Merle up at night like it did Daryl so the man wasn't as used to going without sleep.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Merle asked, running his hand over his head.

Daryl shook his head, the meager light enough to insure him that they were alone. "I don't know. Somethin' ain't right." He didn't want to have this conversation with his brother. Merle would likely call him names and shuffle on back to bed but it wasn't like he had a ready lie to tell the man.

"No shit somethin' ain't right. We're trapped in a warehouse with a bunch of armed feminist. My worst fuckin' nightmare. Tomorrow night we'll prolly run into the Black Panther Militia that's playin' body guards to a fuckin' Beaner filled mariachi orchestra."

"Mariachi orchestra?" Daryl shook his head, dismissing Merle's rant. "Never mind. I think we should go after Carol and that group that left here. It was goddamn stupid to let them go alone anyway." He didn't understand this feeling and he wasn't about to try to explain it but something was wrong. He could feel it.

"Are you stupid?" Merle rolled his eyes. "Don't answer that."

Daryl ignored his brother and stepped back into the room, shoving his feet into his boots, that frantic anxious feeling only growing more intense by the minute. He needed to go. He needed to get to that camp because he felt like if he didn't, his head was going to explode. He felt helpless just standing around here.

"You seriously gonna leave?"

Daryl nodded. "I need to talk to that girl. Emma, her name's Emma. Maybe she can round up a few that'll be willing to go with me. More guns the better," he said absently and he took off towards the stairs. He couldn't shake the feeling of urgency. He had to get out there.

Merle grabbed his arm, jerking him back before he could take the first step. "Have you lost your goddamn mind? Those women ain't gonna help you do shit. We'll be lucky if they don't gun us down for sport just for leaving that goddamn room!"

He jerked his arm free. "You can go with me or you can stay here. Either way, I'm goin' after them. I think somethin' happened. And if somethin' didn't, then fine, no harm no foul."

Merle held his gaze and then shook his head slowly. "What is it about that fuckin' woman? Was she yours? Is that why you was so goddamn miserable when you left?"

Daryl shook his head. "It was more complicated than that. She wasn't mine," he snapped, stepping past him and starting up the stairs. He didn't get halfway to the top before the very girl that he was looking for started down. She had a rifle in her hands but she wasn't aiming it at him, which he took as a good sign. Another woman came down behind Emma, this one looking at him with a hard glint in her eyes. Daryl ignored that one.

Emma gave him a half smile and then looked past him as Merle started up. "Heard you coming up. You two need something?"

Daryl nodded. "We're leavin'. Or I'm leavin', anyway."

Emma's eyes went wide but before she could say anything the other woman stepped around her. "Sorry, but that isn't happening. Carol never told us that we could let you go."

Daryl stared hard. "Did she tell you we were prisoners then?"

The woman looked uncertain but then she finally shook her head. "Cassidy told us to keep an eye on you two and we can't do that if you aren't here, so I'm assuming that this is where you're suppose to stay."

"Well, assume whatever the fuck you want. I think they're in trouble out there and if you want me to stay here then you'll have to shoot me in the goddamn back. I was comin' to ask if you all could spare a few people, if not then at least a few guns."

The woman laughed, shaking her head but Emma glanced over her shoulder. "That's enough, Janet," she snapped. "If he thinks something's wrong and he's willing to risk his neck then the least we can do is send him out with a weapon."

"You believe this man?" The woman, Janet, hissed. "Are you forgetting what happened to you and some of the others?"

Emma nodded. "And the reason that me and the others are here to tell you the stories in the first place was because this man risked his ass to get us out of there. If he needs a gun, he gets a gun."

"Cassidy is gonna have your ass for this," Janet said, struggling to keep her voice level.

Emma shrugged. "I don't answer to Cassidy. Carol trusts him and so do I. He saved my life." With that she turned her back on the other woman and headed down the steps. Daryl turned, following behind her. She didn't say anything as she led them through a couple of doors and finally into a room that held a few rifles.

"This is a stupid goddamn idea," Merle grumbled as the girl handed him a gun.

"And I done told you that your ass can stay here if you want. I ain't lettin' nothin' happen to her and I know something ain't right out there."

Merle rolled his eyes and shouldered the rifle. "Great. You're turnin' into a real Madam Zelda with some sort of new found psychic powers, huh?"

"Be careful out there," Emma said as she watched them head out of the building.

Daryl nodded to the girl and then headed out in the direction of the camp. It was raining too hard for Merle to say much else. If this proved to be all in his head then he'd never hear the end of it once they all got back.

But he didn't think it was all for nothing. He truly believed, with everything in him, that she was in trouble. Really bad trouble. He picked up his pace, ignoring Merle's rain muted grumbles as they walked the deserted streets towards their old camp.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning- This chapter gets pretty violent.**

 **Chapter Twelve**

When Carol woke up she didn't open her eyes right away because of the intense pain in her head. She wasn't sure what had happened. She knew that one minute her and her group had been walking through the woods and the next she had been hit with a pain so intense she had blacked out.

She cautiously opened one eye and then the other, blinking rapidly in the rain. It took a few moments for her vision to adjust to the dark. She was standing up and at first she didn't understand how that was even possible. Then she realized that she was being held upright by ropes. Her arms were bent back, wrapped painfully around a huge tree trunk, the rough material digging into her wrists. Her feet were bound with rope wrapped tightly around her ankles.

Through the rain and the gloom she could make out tents spread throughout the camp and realized that she had made a grave mistake going after these men in the dark. She had made a horrible call and her girls were probably paying for it. She strained her eyes and saw that there were four women tied up just like herself. From here she couldn't make out faces, only forms. She wondered if the girls that her and the others had been looking for were even here. Carol almost hoped they were dead. Death would be better for them than what these men would do to them.

She winced, turning her head as a bright light was suddenly shining right in her eyes. She heard a low chuckle and then the snap of the light turning off. She blinked but the sudden brightness had temporarily blinded her. She kept her mouth shut, knowing that anything she said would only set the man off and she needed time to think of a way to get them out of this. She blinked rapidly needing her vision back because she was starting to feel panic claw up her spine and she needed to be calm. The complete lack of light was disorienting.

She stiffened when she felt someone's warm breath blow over her neck. She clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Open your eyes," a male voice growled next to her ear.

She obeyed, opening her eyes. She was surprised to see that she had regained her vision and could now see much better because of the large flashlight sitting on the ground, the light shining towards the tree branches spreading out above them. What she refused to look at at all was the man in front of her. She kept her gaze pointed down at the light.

She winced as a rough hand grabbed her jaw and angled her head so she had no choice but to look at the man in front of her. Half of his face was in shadow but that didn't matter. She could see well enough now to make out even the shadowed features in the dark.

"Why the hell were you and your friends so close to our camp?" He asked, his breath blowing across her face.

She shook her head. "Just passing through," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He dropped his hand from her jaw then produced a knife that he held next to her eye. "I'm not fond of liars," he muttered.

She focused on the blade that was poised in front of her, his wrist angling it so she had a clear view of the sharp point mere inches from her left eye. "I'm not lying. We were in the city when we heard gunshots. We moved out before the walkers showed up. That's it. We were just trying to get somewhere safe." She hated how afraid she sounded but she couldn't mask her fear. She remembered Cassidy's scars and swallowed hard. Was this the man that had given them to her?

He watched her as she eyed the knife and then she cut her gaze back to his face. He was rugged looking but younger than she expected these men to be. This man didn't look like he was any older then twenty five at most, but there was a hard edge to his eyes that she could make out, even in the gloom. He smiled as she took in his face. He had a deceptively nice smile, boyish. "You look like you might like what you see," he growled as his eyes raked over her.

She held his gaze as steadily as she could but she didn't say a word. Anything she said was going to be wrong and she didn't want to set him off. She flinched when he used the knife to pop the top button of her shirt. He didn't stop there. One by one, the buttons were flicked away by the knife blade until her shirt was hanging open. Her breasts were still covered but she had never felt more exposed than she did in that moment.

The cold steel pressed into the hollow of her throat but the man's eyes were back on hers. He slid the blade down the center of her chest and then leaned in until his nose was next to the skin of her neck. He breathed deeply. "You're gonna be a real sweet piece. I can already tell," he said, his voice rumbling.

Now she did close her eyes, wishing she hadn't been so stubborn. Wishing that she had brought Daryl with her, or even Merle. She knew that this man wasn't going to make this quick. She was going to suffer and her friends were going to suffer and just like before, she wasn't going to be strong enough to stop it from happening. She had become so self reliant, but she wasn't unbreakable.

As the blade drew a slow path down her stomach, her fear was overridden by a strong sense of regret. Daryl had opened up to her like he never had before, trying to let her know how sorry he was for leaving, telling her that he was coming back for her. She had thrown it back in his face because she was filled with so much anger. And now, if she did survive whatever this man's plans were for her, the only thing she would have left to offer him would be a broken shell of a woman.

She fought back the tears in her eyes, and prayed for a miracle, even though she wasn't expecting one.

~H~

They were almost there when the rain finally decided to subside. Daryl registered the fact that the sound of the rain beating down on the leaves above had turned almost instantly into the shrill song of tree frogs. If he had been alone, and not on what he truly believed, was a life or death mission, he would have paused to savor the sound. They usually brought him a sense of peace but tonight the shrill cries of the small frogs was nearly background noise.

"What are you gonna do if we're too late?" Merle asked, sounding hesitant.

Daryl clenched his jaw. "We ain't." He couldn't think of that right now. He refused to believe that those men were doing to her what they had done to other women. She'd been through enough already. Surely fate or God or whoever the fuck was in charge of the mess that was now their world, wouldn't be so cruel.

"You're right," Merle muttered. "She prolly ain't here in the first damn place."

Daryl didn't respond because it wasn't true. She was there. He could fucking feel it. It was like a magnetic pull and he felt like he wasn't moving fast enough. The mud sucked at his boots as he rushed forward, ignoring the burn in his lungs and the ache in his legs. Ignoring Merle's pained grunts and labored breathing. Ignored the stinging pain in his side.

When they topped the last rise he could make out a faint light further ahead, the artificial blue white light of one of the high powered flashlights that were packed away. They only used them when building a fire was impossible.

He finally slowed down when he was close enough to see the tents. As far as these men knew, him and Merle were still a part of their group. There would be nothing suspicious if he walked right into the clearing like he owned the place. Him and Merle had done it a thousand times. He tried to mentally prepare himself for what he might see once he stepped out of the trees. Tried to tell himself that whatever was happening to her, he would deal with it. He would deal with it with his sanity intact.

But goddamn, he had just now got her back. Had just started working past those walls she had slammed into place and if he hadn't gotten here in time, if he hadn't been able to prevent something horrible from happening to her, he'd never forgive himself. And she would never be the same again. All would be completely lost.

"Fuck," Merle muttered as they walked towards the tents.

Daryl's eyes had been scanning the camp but all seemed quiet. But on the outskirts, where the trees became thicker, he saw movement. There were four women tied up and from his vintage point Daryl could tell that they were at least still dressed. He saw Merle stepping up to a couple of men that were huddled together in front of one of the tents. Beyond them, he saw more movement on the other side of the flashlight that was pointed up into the trees.

There was a man there. From Daryl's vintage point he couldn't tell who it was. His feet were moving before he even told them to. When he was a few feet away, his body blocking the meager illumination from the flashlight, the man turned.

Daryl knew him well. His name was Nick, he was young, cocky, and as mean as they got. He sneered but Daryl barely registered the look on the man's face because he couldn't take his eyes away from the woman tied to the tree.

Carol's head was pressed against the trunk of the tree, her mouth covered with tape. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her breathing was ragged. Her shirt was open but she wasn't exposed just yet. His eyes traveled down and he saw that he had interrupted Nick in the middle of unfastening her belt. His fingers lingered on the leather strap.

"Can't you see I'm a little bit busy here, Dixon? Take your ass somewhere else. We hit the jackpot, pick a tree and get your own whore."

At that Carol's eyes snapped open. The blood was pounding so hard in Daryl's ears that all he could hear at this point was a steady roar, like he was next to a raging river.

"Did you hear what the fuck I just said to you?" Nick barked, going back to work on the belt. "I called this one already. You know the fucking rules."

When her eyes met his he could read the relief in hers and though they had just been dry, they swam with tears that quickly spilled over. That was what did it. The relief was clear but he could also see humiliation there. Pain. Fear. Helplessness. He had seen all of those things in her eyes before but not like this. It was all too much and something in him snapped and suddenly the only thing that mattered at all was that he put himself between her and anything that would ever put that look in her eyes again.

His better judgment was lost in that look. He slid the rifle off his back. His eyes sliding down to where Nick's hands were now working her pants open. The rifle fell to the forest floor and without a second thought he grabbed the man, slamming him onto the ground, face first. Nick grunted and then instantly tried to buck Daryl off, but there was no use. Daryl had an edge. He was running on rage, his adrenaline roaring through him, making it easy to forget that he was still barely healing from a stab wound. Making him forget about the exhaustion that had been plaguing him.

"Get the fuck off me! You can have her. I'll take another one!" Nick grunted out. The man didn't understand that he wasn't ever getting up off the ground again. Didn't understand that Daryl had every intentions of taking his time. He wanted the piece of shit to feel it all, for as long as Daryl could make him feel it.

Daryl rolled Nick over, jerking his arms down to his sides so Daryl could dig his knees into the man's forearms, pinning them there with his knees, all his weight bearing down. Nick cried out in pain but the sound was cut off as Daryl's fist slammed into his face. Nick was stunned but regained himself quickly, struggling to get his arms free as he turned his head, like that could deflect the next blow that smashed his nose.

Daryl detected movement off to his side but he ignored it. Nothing mattered at the moment but the threat and Nick was the threat. Images of the man tearing at her clothes flashed into his mind and he growled in anger and frustration. He moved down slightly, freeing Nick's arms and the man was able to do nothing but hold them over his face, a meager attempt at protection, but Daryl was finished with that part. While the man sobbed into his hands Daryl laced his fingers together, raised his arms over his head and then slammed them down like a sledgehammer into Nick's soft abdomen.

Nick squealed and tried to roll away but Daryl gripped him by the throat, stilling him as he looked down into his ruined face. Daryl went for the knife in his boot, no longer feeling like dragging this out. He wanted the man dead. Dead and unable to rape and torture and murder. He wanted to wipe all traces of him away like he'd never existed. But then Nick's eyes focused on him, his lips twisting angrily.

"Just as well," Nick spat. "She ain't the only bitch here I can wreck. Looked forward to hearin' her scream though. Doubt you got what it takes. I was gonna make her scream real good." He laughed, blood spraying from his ruined lips.

Daryl stared down at him, those disgusting fucking images slamming into his head again. He gripped the knife hard.

 _Looked forward to hearin' her scream though._ The man's words pounded through his skull. He'd have raped her. He'd have made sure she was hurt bad before he would have ever stopped and the sick piece of shit would have taken pleasure out of every scream, every pained cry. He could see it happening in his mind. The images flashing like he was flipping through a picture book. Her body ruined, her eyes vacant, lost. Everything she could have become simply gone. What those images did to him then he wasn't sure, but something changed in his mind...

He moved off the man, used his foot to jerk Nick's legs open wide and then swiftly slammed the blade up between his thighs as hard as he could. It was exactly what Nick had in mind. Violating her until she was hurt so bad she'd pray for death. Well, now Nick could get a little taste of what he'd wanted to dish out.

Eyes bulged as a piercing scream shattered the night. Daryl twisted the knife and then jerked it back out of the man's body before pushing it in again, twisting hard and jerking it upword. He pulled it out after that and then sat up on his knees.

Through the haze he could hear his brother retching somewhere off in the distance. Nick was rolling, screaming, flailing and whimpering pitifully but suddenly his body was being dragged away and then the sounds suddenly stopped. Someone had put him out of his misery. Daryl stared at the knife in his hands, the blood covering the blade and the handle, his fingers. It fell into the dirt in front of him.

As the adrenalin washed away he felt like he was about to pass out. What the fuck had he just done? Sure, the man had needed to die but...

He was on his knees, gasping for breath when he felt a shaky hand brush through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead and he raised his eyes. Carol was free now, though he didn't know how, didn't care how as long as she was okay, standing in front of him. Her eyes met his, her hand gripping the back of his head as her fingers dragged along his scalp. Her shirt was ruined but she had taken the time to tie it, keeping it in place. He brought his hands up to her hips, his forehead resting against the warm skin of her stomach as he pulled in ragged breaths. There was movement all around him but he wasn't able to put much thought into what was happening. She stood there, cradling his head against her but he didn't know for how long. When she urged him to his feet he stood up but letting her go wasn't an option.

He didn't have to worry about that. Her arms went around his neck, her body slamming into his hard. Her face turned into his throat and a shudder ran through her frame so he tightened his hold on her. He looked up and was surprised to see Merle dragging the bodies of the other men. Cassidy, the woman that wanted him and Merle dead, was helping him. There were other women, further off by the trees but all Daryl could make out were their shadows. They were too far away and he was too fucking tired to bother with a head count anyway.

She ran her fingers into his hair as his forehead dropped to her shoulder. He turned his head, breathing in the familiar scent of her and forcing himself to focus on the warmth of her body and the fact that she was very much alive and intact. At the moment, that was all that mattered. He had gotten to her in time and everything was going to be okay. He repeated those words in his mind over and over like a mantra.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm having issues with my internet again so I wanted to post in case I disappear. I'm calling them again and hopefully the problem can be fixed since I think I pinpointed it myself. The Assclowns. Anyhow, hope all is well with you folks and thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

On their way back to the warehouse Carol learned that Cassidy and Meredith, another woman that had once been with the men, had managed to take out two of the seven men that had ambushed them. They had came at them from all sides though and had probably been following them for a while. They knew the terrain better and had easily gotten the upper hand. They lost Meredith and Jane in the struggle.

She couldn't let herself feel the losses right now. Mercy and the other girls were safe. Terrified, of course, but safe. They had all gotten lucky. Somehow, she was sure she'd learn the details later, Merle had taken out the rest of the group after getting Cassidy untied. Merle had silently cleaned up the gash in the back of Carol's head. It wasn't as bad as she had thought it would be anyway.

She walked close to Daryl but he hadn't said anything. He had really lost it back there and she'd had a front row seat. Never had she seen him look like that. She had never seen anyone look like that, with such fury in their eyes. He was feeling it now, the aftermath of his actions starting to sink in. It was one thing to kill a man quickly because you had to but Daryl hadn't just done that. She didn't fault him for it. She hoped that he didn't fault himself. Those men, every one of them, deserved that and more for what they had done to other people.

But he was having trouble coming to terms with the level of violence and pain he had inflicted on the other man, whether the man deserved it or not. That was the difference between her would be rapist and men like Daryl. Daryl would resort to violence to protect the people that he cared about, where the others, they inflicted violence because it made them feel powerful.

They dispatched a small herd quickly and methodically, none of them saying a word as they worked. Even Mercy, who showed signs of a recent beating, did her duty to dispatch the dead that tried to surround them. When they finally made it to the warehouse everyone was dragging. Before she could go inside Cassidy turned around.

"I'll handle Mercy, okay," she nodded past Carol to where Daryl stood, "You handle your watch dog." Carol felt a flash of anger but then Cassidy smiled tiredly. "I was wrong. I don't like him but I saw what he did for you and I'm sorry. I need to let shit go and I know it. I'm working on it. I just... I just need a little time to adjust." With that she turned and headed into the building.

Carol stepped to the side as the others filed past, leaving her and Daryl alone. Even Merle was quiet as he stepped past her, his shoulders slumped like the weight of the whole world was sitting on them. She shut the door and turned just as Daryl raised his head, his eyes questioning and tired. She grabbed his hand and led him towards a large plastic tote that they had sat out to collect rainwater.

He wasn't a child so she didn't have to force him to wash up. What she really wanted was just a minute alone with him. She watched as he plunged his hands into the water, scrubbing the grime and blood away, his head hung as his fingers wrapped around the rim of the tote, his hair obscuring his face, making it difficult for her to read his expression.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He looked up, his features hard, his eyes boring into hers. "You really gonna ask me that after what happened to you?" He asked sharply.

She swallowed hard. "Nothing happened to me."

That intense look melted away and he shook his head. "Somethin' could have. It damn near did. He'd have-"

"I know what he would have done. He took the liberty of describing to me, in great detail, the things he wanted to do. But he didn't get the chance. So, because of you, I'm perfectly fine. Not a scratch on me other than a ruined shirt. I want to know if you're okay."

He shook the water from his hands and then ran both hands through his hair, lacing his fingers at the back of his head. "I fuckin' lost it."

She nodded, taking a step closer. "You did, but I'm not gonna say that I felt sorry for the guy. I know what he's done. I know what he would have kept doing if you hadn't killed him."

"I didn't kill him, Carol," he said, matter of factly.

"You would have."

He shook his head. "I woulda let him suffer."

She reached out, pulling his arm down and then taking his hand. "I need to check your side and then we need to sleep and then tomorrow, I wanna go home."

He looked up sharply, his fingers tightening around hers. "The prison?"

She nodded. "There were some people... I just need to go back there. Even if it's just to make sure the kids are okay. I don't even have to go in as long as I can see." She didn't know why she felt the need to go back there. Maybe it was because she'd finally found what she had been missing. Now that Daryl was back in her life, she felt as though she deserved answers and the only person that could give her answers was Rick.

Once they made it to her room she lit the lantern, turning it down until it was just a soft glow, chasing some of the shadows away. She wasn't surprised to see that Merle wasn't there. He'd know that they needed a minute. Maybe he'd even find somewhere else to sleep since it seemed Cassidy wasn't planning on doing anything to either of them. She motioned towards the pallet on the floor and he sat down heavily, kicking his boots off and tossing them into the corner before stretching out with his arms folded behind his head.

She rummaged through her bag until she found a tank top that could pass as clean. The shirt she was wearing was ruined but she had tied it as best she could. "I look like a slutty hillbilly," she grumbled, looking down.

He raised up on his elbows and eyed her before he laughed softly, some of the tension fading.

She shook her head and turned her back on him, stripping out of the ruined shirt and slipping the other one over her head. Her pants were soaked as well from their hike through the rain and she honestly couldn't stand the thought of wearing anything that that man had touched. She stripped off the belt and tossed it into the corner before she glanced over her shoulder.

She was surprised to see that he was still propped up on his elbows and he was watching her with narrowed eyes, a look of anticipation in his gaze. She was wearing underwear. Sure, they had raided a lingerie store not far into the city and they didn't cover a whole lot but she was beyond being modest at this point. If he wanted to stare at her ass then he could stare all he wanted. It wasn't like she hadn't stared at him in all his naked glory.

"What the hell are you doin'?" He asked when her thumbs hooked into the waistband of her jeans.

She glanced over shoulder again and found him sitting all the way up. "Changing. This is my room." Without another word she shimmied out of her jeans and then bent over to pick up the sweats she had found in her bag. She knew him. He was probably lying there with his hands covering his eyes. That was just Daryl. After the night she'd had it was refreshing to-

When she turned around he was still sitting up, still watching her with one eyebrow raised.

~H~

He had absolutely no fucking business looking at her like that. None at all. She'd told him what she had been about to do and he had kept on watching like some kind of fucking creep. Now she was looking at him, obviously shocked that he'd had the audacity to stare at her barely concealed ass.

"You saw me naked," he blurted out before thinking. Like that was a valid excuse. It might have been if she hadn't just gone through what she had gone through tonight but right now, it wasn't right to want her the way he wanted her.

Her eyes slid down the front of him and he thought he saw the beginning of a blush on her cheeks but then she met his eyes again and nodded. "Take off your shirt."

"Huh?"

She held up a bottle of peroxide and shook it. "Head outta the gutter, Daryl. Your shirt's a mess and I know that the majority of the blood is yours."

He looked down and sure enough, his shirt wasn't just damp from the rain. He moved until he was on his knees but she gave him a small shove. He looked up at her.

"Off the bed. You're getting it wet," she grumbled.

He rolled his eyes at her and then stood up, moving off of the pile of blankets.

"This might help a little too," she said, pushing a bottle into his hands.

He held it up and was surprised to see that it was a fifth of Jim Beam. "When the hell did you become a drinker?" He asked as her fingers went to work on his shirt.

She shrugged. "It's a lonely world. I guess sometimes I felt a need to escape it."

Before his guilt could get the better of him he unscrewed the cap and took a few long pulls from the bottle. It burned on the way down, a familiar sting. When he finally came up for air he noticed that again, her eyes were trained on the faded scar from the farm. She seemed to shake herself and then got to work gently scrubbing the blood away from his cut. At least this time she wasn't in the mood to deliberately hurt him.

The whiskey warmed him up and took the edge off but he screwed the cap back on after just one more drink. He didn't want to get drunk. He was still in an odd place after doing what he did. He almost felt numb.

She didn't waste any time getting the wound cleaned up and covered with a fresh bandage. She took the bottle from him and hid it under some clothes in her bag after taking a few long pulls herself. It was strange, just another thing about her that had changed since last time he had seen her. When she turned she tossed him a pair of sweats that looked a size too big even for him. "I want us to get as much sleep as we can before we head out and you'll sleep better in those. I'll have to talk to the girls about us heading to the prison but I know they'll be okay with it."

He held up the pants and eyed her. "Are you gonna turn around?"

"Did you?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

He stood there eying her, not making a move to change. It was one thing to be an innocent victim of a peeping Tom but he wasn't going to strip naked in front of her knowing she was watching him. Finally she rolled her eyes and turned her back.

He worked his belt off quickly, tossing it into the corner with hers before he hurriedly changed into the sweats. He looked down and scowled. Sure, they were soft and warm and comfortable but he wasn't used to it and he felt like his junk was on display.

"Are you decent?" She asked sarcastically.

He balled up his jeans and threw them in the corner. "I'm decent."

She turned then, her eyes raking over him. "Not bad."

"Shut up," he muttered, collapsing onto the pile of blankets again, groaning. "I'm fuckin' beat."

"How did you know?" She asked, her knees hitting the blankets next to his hips. "When I left you were dead on your feet. How did you know I needed you?"

He stared up at the ceiling, unsure if he should tell her about the uneasy feeling he had woken up with. He finally decided that it wouldn't hurt to be honest with her. "I don't know. I was asleep and I woke up and somethin' just didn't feel right. I just knew I needed to get to wherever the hell you were before somethin' happened." He turned his head, meeting her eyes.

She was looking down at her hands, fidgeting in her lap. "I thought it was over. All of it. I thought for sure that they'd kill me before you'd even realize I wasn't back."

"Nothin' happened. You lost a few people, and that ain't no small thing, but you're alive. That's about all I'm able to care about right now. I didn't know if I'd get there in time."

"Why do you care so much? After all this time?"

He came up on his elbows again, his heart hammering hard in his chest but he knew he had to say it. He had to say it because it was stupid to keep something locked up, waiting for the right time, when their time was so precarious. "I left because I was too fuckin' stupid and too fuckin' scared to face anything. You were right. I knew exactly how you felt and I tucked tail and ran cause I didn't want it. I didn't want to give in and then have to watch you die. I didn't wanna let anybody in cause it was too goddamn dangerous. Merle was an out. That was why I left. But that didn't mean that I didn't feel the same fucking way you felt."

She blinked, looking up, and there was no sign of the new woman in her face. He was looking at _his_ Carol. Not the hard and bitter warrior that he had found. "And now?" She asked, even sounding like her former self.

He wanted to look away but he wouldn't. He wanted to shrug off the question but he wouldn't do that either. "I'm here ain't I?"

She nodded and he sat up, waiting her out, knowing that their was probably a storm brewing inside of her and he wasn't good enough or experienced enough at this kind of shit to know what to say. When she finally looked back up from her hands she met his eyes. "I'm not the same person you knew. I've killed. I've done things that the old me would never do. The person you cared so much about-"

"The person I care about has been through a whole goddamn lot of shit, has always gone through shit, and she rebuilt herself into somebody that could shoulder that shit. You're you. I'm me. Period. If you don't want it then tell me you don't want it and I'll get over it but don't make up flimsy excuses. We're past that." The alcohol was giving him the courage to say things that he never would have been able to bring himself to say and he was thankful for it.

"So, what does this mean?" She asked after a few agonizing moments.

He shrugged then. "I guess it means whatever you want it to mean. The ball's in your court now."


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm not one hundred percent sure I handled this chapter right but this is all I have. Hope you all have a safe weekend! Thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

She was terrified. She was afraid to trust him. She was afraid to lose him. At the moment she was afraid to even meet his gaze. Her heart had been broken so many times that if she had to hold it out to him in her hands, most of it would likely drift through her fingers like sand. She wasn't whole anymore. She hadn't been for a long time, but she wanted to believe that this was different.

He had laid it all out for her, probably because he'd drank a good share of the bottle, but everything he said, she believed.

"I want it to mean that you won't leave again," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He shook his head. "I won't. If I was gonna leave I woulda left when you told me to leave."

She tried not to let his words fill her with so much hope but it was hard. "You need to sleep. You're slurring your words and you look like you're about to pass out," she muttered, sitting back on her heels.

"I'm not slurrin' my words," he muttered, leaning back on his arms.

She snorted delicately. "What are you doing then? Speaking cursive?"

He nodded, the corner of his mouth turning up for a moment before his eyes grew serious again. "You sure about the prison?"

She wasn't sure about anything anymore but she knew she needed to find them a place to stay and at the moment the prison seemed like the best choice. And even if she couldn't bring herself to walk through the gate, if she was even allowed, she still wanted to at least see that it was still standing. But her group couldn't keep running forever. It was too hard and as far as she knew, the men they had been after all these months were dead now. They didn't have a reason to keep running. "I wouldn't mind talking to him. Maybe he's better now. You know how he was after Lori."

His eyes hardened. "Ain't no fuckin' excuse for doin' what he did. I left thinking you were safe there. He threw you to the goddamn wolves."

"Well, he did what he thought he needed to do," she said, dismissing the subject with a shrug. "I don't want to talk about it right now. We'll worry about that when the time comes."

"We sharin'?" He asked, glancing down at the makeshift bed.

She nodded, feeling drained. Images of what had happened tonight couldn't be drowned by the few sips of alcohol she had taken. The past few days had been so emotionally draining that she longed to just go to sleep but almost dreaded the dreams she knew would plague her. And she worried that he would suffer dreams even worse than hers.

She stretched out next to him, her hands resting on her stomach. She hadn't turned off the lantern yet. She stared up at the ceiling, willing her body to relax next to his as that intoxicating woodsy smell of him seemed to envelop her. As she breathed him in, her body grew more lax and the torrent of thoughts seemed to grow still. They were both lying on their backs, both silent as they stared ahead.

She was surprised to find that she felt something else that she hadn't realized had been missing for a long time now. She felt safe. For so many months she felt like she was hanging on to the edge of a cliff, a deep abyss below her that wanted to swallow her up. She didn't feel that right now and it was just one more terrifying thing. She had grown used to the constant fear. The knowledge that at any moment, her life could be snuffed out regardless of how cautious she was.

But she saw tonight the lengths he would go to for her. She still didn't understand how he could have made it in time. What had driven him from sleep and then through the storm raging outside. He hadn't been sure she had been in trouble but he had risked himself to get to her just in case. And it was a damn good thing too. If he hadn't came for her, she knew what would be happening to her right now.

But he had came and he had brought the hounds of hell right with him, unleashing something inside of him that she didn't even know was there. And he did it for her. He was injured, sleep deprived, unsure that she'd ever return his feelings, and yet none of that had mattered when she'd been in danger. If that didn't prove that she could trust him then she didn't know what would. She rolled over onto her side and he turned his head to look at her.

She knew then, just by the look on his face, that he was thinking about what he had done. The way he had handled the situation had been beyond brutal but he hadn't done it because he was a monster. But he'd think about it, probably try to tell himself that he had handled it all wrong, and maybe to anyone else, he had. But to her, that guy had earned the pain Daryl had inflicted on him and she hated to think that Daryl would lose any sleep over any of it.

She raised up on her elbow when he moved his arms, folding them behind his head, watching her carefully. She pushed his hair back from his forehead, meeting his eyes. "Stop thinking about it," she whispered.

"Ain't that easy," he whispered right back, his eyes flicking to her lips and then back up to meet hers.

She watched as he raised up on his elbows, bringing their faces closer. Her lips parted as she gasped quietly when he leaned in even closer. She spent a lot of long hours wondering what it would be like to kiss him. With him, it was hard to guess how he would tackle the art. He was rough, rugged, edgy and sometimes flat out hard, but there was another side to him too. A side that few got to glimpse. A softer man that wasn't as self assured as he pretended to be. A man that saw inside of others easily and kept himself just out of reach, more sensitive than anyone would ever guess. Which man would it be?

When his lips finally met hers she almost smiled at how careful he was, like if he put too much pressure he'd bruise her. She hadn't had very much practice when it came to kissing. Ed was never much for affection and even back before the abuse started, before they were even married, he'd never kissed her like this. None of the other guys she had kissed before that had kissed her like this either.

Her heart was pounding hard and fast, a startling contrast to the way his lips moved over hers slowly. Her body came alive at the gentle sensation of his tongue tracing the seam of her bottom lip before pulling it between his own, sucking softly. A low moan sounded, deep in her throat. None of those late night fantasies had prepared her for the impact that he would have on her body. Her hands were shaking and there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. She followed his lead, keeping the lazy pace of the kiss. His tongue coaxed hers to life as his hand slid up her thigh and over her hip.

His hands were strong. She knew how easily they could wield a weapon, how quickly they could snuff out someone's life but when those hands slid under her shirt, the touch was as light as the kiss had been, careful. A wide calloused palm slid over her skin, ghosting over her ribs, his thumb barely brushing the side of her breast. The contact was jolting to her system and without thought she slid her leg over his. He silently urged her to keep going until she was straddling his hips. He was sitting up now.

That carefully constructed control slipped a little once she was fitted against him. His arms banded around her, hauling her closer and the kiss grew hungrier. His desire was apparent and it went to her head. She'd never felt very desirable before now but the way his hands moved over her back and the desperate way his mouth was moving with hers had her feeling like the sexiest woman left in the world. It was a heady experience.

He loved her. He'd admitted as much, but she hadn't dared believe that his feelings went any further than that. Never believed that he actually wanted _this_. The idea of being this physically vulnerable wasn't something she thought either of them was ready for, or ever would be. Her hands were moving over him, mapping out the contours of his body, trembling slightly under her touch with barely restrained need. She rolled her hips over him, testing the waters and he tore his mouth away from hers.

He cursed, his voice rough and ragged in her ear as his nose skimmed her jaw. His hands moved to her hips, fingertips pressing hard as he guided her to move again. His erection was trapped between her legs and the thin material of her pants wasn't hindering the sweet friction. Physical pleasure seemed to be a foreign thing to both of them because every small touch was wreaking havoc on their ability to think clearly.

How long had it been since she had even thought about any sort of physical gratification? Since the prison? Before that? She couldn't remember. That part of her life had lain dormant but now it was waking up and it was ravenous. Nothing outside of where they were mattered, not the past, not the future. Only now and them and the rushing of blood behind her ears, the throbbing need that had her body humming, alive and eager, against him. The pain, the fear, the emptiness, the regret and shame and uncertainty were vanquished in a storm of sensation.

"Off," he panted next to her ear.

She pulled back, blinking, trying hard to get her mind to focus on his words. "What?" There was a glazed look in his eyes but they were intense, dark, the pupils wide.

He growled and then rolled, pinning her beneath his weight, claiming her mouth as his body slid over hers, she felt her muscles clench, felt the heat inside of her rush forth as he moved, sliding back and forth between her legs, promising things she knew he had every intention to deliver. He sat up quickly but before she could protest he was hooking his fingers through the waistband of her pants, not even waiting for her to lift her hips before he was trying to rip them down her legs.

His dark eyes stared down at the lacy blue panties covering her now but when she went to shimmy out of them he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She eased her hands back, watching him as he gripped her knees and pushed her legs apart before running his hands down her inner thighs. He bit his lip hard and then she felt his fingers moving over her slowly. She squirmed, gasping, pushing her hips up shamelessly to urge him on.

His eyes flicked up, meeting hers, his lip still caught between his teeth as he moved his fingers back and forth with just enough pressure to intensify that pulsing need inside her. She wanted the panties gone but for some reason he felt the need to toy with her before giving her what she desperately needed. He increased the pressure of his fingers, circling and then pulling back, his eyes widening at every sound that escaped her, his breathing increasing. His intense gaze never wavered from hers.

She lifted her hips again, her hands moving to push the panties down but before she could he quickly hooked his finger through the lace and tore them down her legs, swiftly tossing them to the side before he slid back up her body, catching her shirt as he went. As soon as it was over her head his mouth was back on hers.

He was struggling out of his pants as he propped himself up with one arm. She was helping and after a few long moments he was free of the restriction. He didn't hesitate before moving, pushing into her eagerly, filling her in a way she had never experienced before. It was a shock to her system as he moved, deeper and deeper, reaching places no one had ever reached.

"Christ," he growled into her ear, his movements slowing.

She pulled his face down to hers, her fingers tangled in his hair, his eyes met hers. "Don't stop," she whispered, knowing that he needed urging. Lucky her, he didn't need much.

He dropped his head, catching her mouth with his, his body moving over hers. He barely pulled away before he was pushing back into her, like he couldn't stand to break any contact. He wasn't rushing and she was thankful. She didn't want to rush. Instead, he moved almost fluidly over her, the kiss matching his pace, one hand sliding down her thigh, urging her leg higher over his hip. His mouth left hers, traveling down her throat, his teeth dragging over her overheated skin before she felt the hot wetness of his tongue sliding up the valley between her breasts.

When he reached up, untangling her fingers from his hair, he linked their fingers and pushed her hand above her head. His grip on her hand tightened, he made his slow way back up from her chest and claimed her mouth again. Every movement he made seemed filled with purpose and emotion and intensity and she was drunk on everything that was him. And she knew then that that was his intentions. Treating her body like something that deserved to be... worshiped. Not exactly tender, because he was still Daryl and there was a roughness about him that was present in everything he did, but it fit. _They_ fit.

She tried to stop the thoughts, knowing that they would ruin her, but she couldn't. Not now, when her whole existence seemed somehow intertwined with his. Not when it seemed like they weren't even two people but one entity, blending together like the colors into a kaleidoscope. Like two souls in sync, every touch, every small caress only deepening the bond. She was lost and she didn't even care anymore.

She took in a sharp breath when she felt her body tense. She wasn't even sure what was happening at first, not until he raised up on his arms, looking down at her with a knowing look in his eyes. When he moved into her again it was with a calculated roll of his hips that had her gasping, her eyes widening. He watched her, repeating that languid motion, hard enough to jar her and she felt her eyes go out of focus. He bit his lip and watched the first wave of release, the first in longer than she could remember, slammed into her, catching her off guard. His name tore from her mouth as her back arched into him, needing to be closer to him.

"Fuck," he breathed, his voice sliding all over her as she strained to keep quiet. It was no easy task because he was moving and her body was trying to pull him in and the heat was ripping her breath away. He dropped his head to the crook of her neck and she felt him shudder, a growl rumbling deep in his chest as a rush of heat filled her, like kerosene thrown on flames, igniting her. She clung to him like if she didn't then she was sure to break apart. He kept moving, refusing to stop until she was spent. His lips were by her ear, shushing her, but she wasn't even aware of a sound with the way her blood was rushing behind her ears. He finally gave up and covered her mouth with his, drinking her in.

When she was finally able to process what was happening she realized that her legs were locked securely around his waist and her nails were digging into his back. She instantly let her legs fall open so he could move but moving wasn't something he felt like doing right away.

He broke the kiss, raising himself back up on his arms and his eyebrows shot up. She was trying to catch her breath and she felt like a bug trapped under a magnifying glass as he stared down at her heatedly. When he moved away it was hesitantly at first. "You okay?" He asked, his voice breathy and rough.

She nodded. She had no idea what that was all about. That wasn't just an orgasm. That was some sort of spiritual out of body experience. That was... "That was fucking incredible," she blurted out quickly.

She felt like a grade A idiot but the grin that her words left on his face was worth it. He rolled off of her, flopping down gracelessly onto his back and then wincing, glancing down at the bandage that was now crimson. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it up, ignoring the wound. "Fuck, I was just tryin' for passin'. But I'll take incredible if that's how you wanna describe it."

She stared at him in disbelief. He looked so... smug. Absolutely proud of his performance. She had been expecting a complete shutdown after being so exposed, so vulnerable, but he wasn't at all. And she realized, with a start, that she wasn't either.

"We need to get some damn sleep," he said with a yawn.

"Typical," she snorted, settling down under the blanket and waiting for the inevitable awkward tension to set in.

He raised his head, looking over at her. "Typical?"

She nodded, staring up at the ceiling, her body more relaxed than it probably had ever been in her life. "Typical. Roll over and go to sleep."

He snorted but scooted a little closer to her as she killed the light.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello! Sorry for the delay. I've been busy! Most of this story has been pretty dark and emotions have ran high so I thought I would at least lighten it up for one chapter before the lights go out again. It's filler but that's how it goes sometimes. Hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading.**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

Merle was groggy when he woke up. He'd been dead on his feet when they had gotten back last night and then, for longer than he thought possible, the whole goddamn lot of them had to listen to whatever magic his brother was putting to that woman in that fucking room. If Merle hadn't been so fucking proud of the boy then he'd have gone in there and demanded that she shut her trap. But he'd patiently waited it out, quietly cheering that awkward, no pussy getting asshole on.

He sat up in the corner of what had used to be a break room for the people that used to be employed here. He'd claimed the spot after one of the girls had handed him a sleeping bag and a sorry worn out pillow. He hadn't been sure what woke him until he sat up and saw Cassidy walking towards him.

He tensed, unsure of what she was carrying. Not much light was coming into the room from the open door and he could see that she was holding something in her hand. Hopefully it wasn't a knife.

She sat down right on the floor a few feet away from him, crossing her legs like an Indian and then holding something out to him. "Here," she said, sounding like she was trying hard to keep that steal out of her voice.

He reached out, his fingers closing around something that crinkled when he pulled it towards him. He squinted and then read the label. "King Sized Snickers?" He asked, his voice a tired rasp.

She nodded once. "From my stash. I want a truce and I thought I'd share. Feel good about yourself because I never share. Not even with people that I like." Her tone was so solemn, like she wasn't giving him a candy bar, but a treasured relic that had been forged in her own blood.

If she could treat him like a human then the least he could do was return the favor. "You want half?"

In the shadows he saw the corner of her mouth turn up slightly. The scared part of her face was hidden in the dark so all he was able to see was the perfect contours of the undamaged side of her face. "You can't tell a goddamn soul. I have a reputation around here to uphold. Someone finds out about this and I could very well lose my position," she said, her voice low.

"Mum's the word," he muttered, breaking the chocolate in half and handing her piece over before tearing into his own. "Fuckin' hell," he winced when his jaws nearly locked as the flood of sweetness spread out over his tongue. It had been a long time.

She laughed, causing him to look up sharply. "Lightweight," she muttered, shaking her head and tearing off a piece of her own.

He was too shocked to respond because he'd never heard her laugh before, didn't think she'd even be capable of laughing after what she'd been through. They ate in silence after that and then she finally stood up, turning without a word. "Thanks for breakfast," he said quickly.

She turned then, nodding stiffly. "Thanks for saving my family." She walked out then, like she couldn't stand being in the room with him anymore. He stared at the closed door for a while before burrowing back into his sleeping bag, hoping to catch a few more hours before they had to figure out what the hell their next move was going to be.

~H~

Daryl woke up slowly, like he was working his way through a heavy fog. There wasn't the telltale ache in his bones from a bad nights sleep, or the instant feeling of dread, wondering what horrors the day would possibly bring. He wasn't wearing stiff filthy clothes, or any clothes at all for that matter. There was a warm body curled into his side, one arm draped over his hip and one long leg shoved between his own.

He blinked in the darkness of the room, knowing that they had slept for a long time. It didn't surprise him. They had been through one hell of a goddamn ordeal and just when things seemed to smooth out a little, something else seemed to happened. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face anything outside that door. He wanted to hold on to the peace he'd found in her last night.

He blinked when she stirred next to him and then panic seized him when she tensed. Every muscle in her body seeming to lock up. He thought things were okay. After what had happened, after... She thawed out almost instantly and he felt her fingers begin to trace random patterns into his hip bone, her head turning, lips pressing lightly against his throat. Apparently it had taken her a second to realize where she was and who she was with. Now she seemed fine and the relief that he felt was instant.

"You awake?" She asked, her nails dragging lower, causing him to squirm.

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah," he croaked.

"How's your side?" She asked.

"Good," he said, not knowing if he was telling the truth but he wasn't going to say a damn thing to cause her hand to stop moving south.

"You sure?"

He tried to roll into her but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. "You hurt yourself last night. I saw the blood," she whispered.

He growled and then yanked her arm until she was on top of him. He gripped her hip with one hand and pulled her down with the other, her lips finding his quickly. Just a little while longer. That was all he needed and then they could face whatever the day brought them. He hadn't had enough time to just fucking be with her and when they left here, it would be them and a whole other group, watching over their shoulders, waiting for death to strike. He'd just got her back for fuck's sake.

"We don't have time to do that again," she said, the smile in her voice was clear. It wasn't like she couldn't tell that he was more than ready to do that again, but she was right.

"I know," he said, locking his arm around her and rolling so she was pinned under him.

She smacked at his chest. "You're really gonna hurt yourself," she said as she tried to move him off of her but he didn't care at this point.

He kissed her again and then squirmed down a little so he wouldn't be tempted to start doing the very thing that they didn't have the time to do. He laid his head on her chest instead, she ran her hands over his back and then slowly started tracing scars with a feather light touch. She had seen them before but never dared to question him about them. He used to want to hide but he didn't feel like that anymore. Not with her anyway.

"Mine aren't as deep," she mumbled, her fingertips ghosting over the back of his neck and causing him to shift.

"I know," he said, remembering the scars he saw littering her own body. Most of them had come from smaller wounds, but no doubt had brought her just as much pain as his had caused him.

After a few more minutes he sighed heavily and pushed himself off of her. "We gotta get out there. We'll end up walking the whole way and we need to get our asses in gear."

She sat up, groping around for her clothes, tossing his to him while she hurriedly got dressed. He found the lantern and turned it on just as she slid her shirt over her head.

"You gotta find me some damn clothes. I ain't goin' out there like this," he muttered.

She smiled and he drank it in for as long as he could because she hadn't smiled much since he'd found her. "I'll do that," she said, shoving her feet into her boots and starting the task of buckling them up.

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and sat up pushing his hair out of his face. She gave him one last lingering look before she slipped out of the room. He didn't have to wait long before the door opened up but when he glanced over it wasn't Carol standing there. It was Merle.

"Goddamn it," he muttered, shaking his head and dropping back down onto the pile of blankets. He made sure the one they had slept under was pulled up to his waist. He looked up at Merle, who was grinning down at him, clothes thrown over his arm.

"I'd give your ass a round of applause but I only got one hand, baby brother. You wrecked that fuckin' woman last night in all the good ways."

Daryl shook his head, biting down on the inside of his lip.

"Didn't even know you had nothin' like that in you," Merle went on, tossing the clothes right onto Daryl's face.

Daryl pulled them away, grabbed the jeans and started jerking them on under the blanket.

"How was it?" Merle was still grinning so hard Daryl was sure that his face was about to crack in half.

Daryl stood up and put the shirt on, still refusing to say anything at all. He had known this was gonna happen. There was no way the others hadn't heard exactly what was happening but at the time he hadn't given one damn fuck at all. Last night he'd been too busy to be bothered by anything like that, his brain in a fucking lust filled haze. Today... well, today he was gonna pay for it. And by the look in his brother's eyes, he was going to be paying for it big for a long time. There really wasn't anything he could do to stop it and if he let Merle know that it bothered him, the bastard would just make it his goal to make things worse, because that was Merle.

"Well?" Merle asked, taking the liberty of kicking his boots over to him.

"Well what?" Daryl asked, steeling himself for whatever was about to come out of Merle's mouth.

Merle chuckled darkly. "Well, was the pussy as good as it sounded?"

Daryl refrained from making a face at his brother's crude choice of words but he knew for a fact that if he didn't come off with something quick, Merle was going to go out of his way to make his life harder than it had to be. So he shrugged and pulled the door open, glancing over his shoulder and meeting Merle's gaze squarely. "Yeah Merle. I'd put money on the fact that it was better pussy than you've ever managed to get." He turned, satisfied that Merle would be too shocked to say anything else for a while.

And just his luck, he ran right into Carol, who was standing in front of him with her mouth hanging open and an obvious flush on her face. He felt his own redden to match. Jesus, she had just heard him talk about her like she was a piece of meat! Talk about one step forward and two steps back.

She closed her mouth and then cleared her throat, her chin going up a few notches. She met his eyes and he saw a familiar glint that he hadn't realized had been missing. "Glad you liked it," she deadpanned.

"I..." Daryl shook his head and then looked over his shoulder again, glaring at Merle and wishing that looks really could kill. Merle just grinned.

When he faced Carol again she was turning away but he saw a small smile turn the corners of her mouth up. He waited for her to walk away and then rounded on Merle.

"One of these days, you'll pay for that, asshole. You knew she was standin' there didn't you?" He growled.

Merle shrugged. "Women like to know when they got the goods. I just did you a favor," he said, walking past Daryl.

Daryl stuck his foot out and Merle tripped, staggering slightly before he righted himself. Daryl stomped past him, feeling like a shit heel. He should have gone with his gut and just not let Merle bait him into saying anything at all. He almost hoped Cassidy would castrate the bastard in his sleep. It'd serve him right.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Carol tensed as her eyes stayed locked on Cassidy's. She had expected this reaction from her. The woman was a force to be reckoned with. She was strong, she was just as lethal as Carol, and she had a real problem controlling her anger. She was fiercely opinionated and she didn't have a lot in the way of a filter.

"You can't be serious about this. Are you forgetting everything you've been through since they forced you out of that place? The things you've had to do to survive?" The woman's eyes flashed dangerously.

"It's over. We had a score to settle and last night, it was settled. I won't have this group on the run forever. What the hell kind of life is that? There's a chance they'll let us in. Enough time's past and-"

"You aren't thinking!" Cassidy barked.

Carol raised her chin. Her and Cassidy had been through a lot together and the woman was her friend, but sometimes Carol wanted to slap some sense into her. If she thought it would do any good she'd do just that. "I'm thinking. I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking about a life that-"

"Behind the walls of prison, with people that would see one of their own thrown out because they're too damn weak to stand up to some half mad dictator! You want our whole group to spend the rest of our days under the thumb of a psycho path!"

Carol took a deep even breath and let it out slowly. There was a time when her patience was one of her greatest virtues. She needed it at the moment. After counting silently in her head she met her friend's angry eyes once more. "I'm not forcing you to agree with me. I'm not forcing you to understand where I'm coming from, and I am certainly not forcing anyone to follow me that doesn't want to. I only brought it up as an option for the rest of you. That doesn't mean you have to take me up on that offer, but I'm going back. And maybe I won't even want to go inside once I get there. There's people that I left that I still care about, children for Christ's sakes, and I at least want to make sure they're alive."

"We're suppose to be your family," Cassidy ground the words out from between clenched teeth. "And you'd rather go back to a group that tore you away from everything."

Carol nodded. "You are. But that doesn't mean I have to keep running like this if there's more out there. I _want_ you all to come with me. I want to find us something more than this life! It's out there. I know it is. It may not be the prison but it's somewhere."

Carol knew that she was breaking through the woman's defenses little by little. She wanted her to understand that Carol only wanted a better life for all of them. Not just herself.

"You sure this doesn't have something to do with your wild and crazy night with the ex?"

Carol scowled. "He isn't my ex and you know it."

Cassidy crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes still hard. "If one of those girl's gets hurt because of this..."

"Then that's on me. But I'm not worried about that and you know, deep down, you're only giving me shit because you want to."

"I want what's best for this group," she snapped.

Carol nodded. "I believe that. But I also believe that you're role here is the bitch with the chip on her shoulder. The one that has to pull up an argument no matter what we do. It's getting old Cass. If you're going then lets pack up so we can head out. We're walking out of the city. I don't trust any of these vehicles." She turned her back then, storming towards the door, silently hoping that Cassidy and the rest of the women would follow her, but knowing it wouldn't matter if they didn't. It was time to go. It was time to find a life for them out there.

~H~

Daryl knew they were close. Even if he hadn't been able to recognize the landmarks for what they were, he would still know they were close He would have been able to tell by the tension radiating from the woman that he was walking next to. It was weird, him and Merle traveling with a group of thirteen females but Merle seemed right at home surrounded by them. Go figure.

"What the fuck is your plan now. Another half mile and we're there. We goin' in or are you just gonna take a look?"

She shook her head. "I don't know yet."

He hadn't touched her as they made their way towards the only real home she had known since the world ended. Sometimes his shoulder would brush against hers as they walked but that was it. But she was there and that's all that mattered. He was finished fighting his demons. He was finished trying to talk himself out of letting his guard down. She had her own battles but he trusted that her internal fight with herself over him, was over. There wasn't anything to block it anymore. The walls were down.

He kept telling himself that he deserved this. She deserved this. They had both been through a whole lot of hell to get to where they were. They had faced a lot of heartache along the way but had came out stronger in the end because in the end, they had found one another and maybe they were even better for the time apart. And now she was about to face another hurdle and he was strangely calm about it. Or he thought he was until his mind started turning the situation over in his mind again.

She was ready for this.

He wasn't so sure if he was ready for this, though. Maybe if he hadn't left with Merle, he would be able to conjure up an excuse for why his old friend would have thrown a woman, this woman, _his_ fucking woman, right out on her ass without a backwards glance. Daryl never would have agreed to throwing her out, of course, but maybe he could at least try to see Rick's side a little more clearly. He had trusted Rick. The man had done right by him as far as Daryl was concerned and had Daryl stayed back then instead of going off with his brother, maybe his friendship with Rick would have been more solid.

But he hadn't stayed. He had taken off, secure in the fact that Rick was competent enough not to lose his head completely and put the one person he cared about the most in jeopardy. Because she could have died out there. She probably should have, considering all the obstacles that had been piled in her way.

So, as far as he was concerned, Rick Grimes was no friend of his. He held not one ounce of loyalty to the man, and if Merle wanted to kill him straight away, then Daryl would step aside and let it happen. In his eyes, Rick was no better than the scum they had killed the night before. Maybe he wasn't as brutal, but Carol's blood, well, Rick's hands would have been covered in it had she ended up dying out there.

And the rest of them? Well, every goddamn one of them could go straight to hell as far as he was concerned. They hadn't even bothered to go find her. They had silently accepted what Rick had done. They had likely agreed with him that she was a threat to them and the kids there. They were sheep that needed to be led and they had sat back and done nothing when the Shepherd had pretty much led one of them off to slaughter.

"Can the rest of you hold back for a few minutes?" She asked, suddenly turning to face the rest of her group.

Merle and Cassidy shared a look, which made Daryl groan inwardly. The last thing they needed was for the most volatile woman in Carol's group to team up with Merle fucking Dixon. That was a recipe for disaster for sure. Finally they both were staring straight at him and then their eyes flicked to Carol in unison. "Watch your asses," Cassidy said in a clipped tone.

Carol gave them a stiff nod and then turned, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the tree line. If they cut straight through the woods from here then they would get there a little bit faster. By the time they were halfway to the clearing that would lead them straight to the fence, his hand was sweating in hers.

"I don't think I can do this," he said suddenly, unable to push that anger down. It was cloying in his stomach, making him feel sick. He didn't trust himself coming face to face with that man.

She turned questioning eyes on him and then her expression cleared, the corner of her mouth turned up slightly. "If I can then surely-"

"What he did-"

"Was what he did," she said firmly, turning so she was facing him fully. Her hand went to his chest and he knew she'd be able to detect the anxious throb of his heartbeat under her palm. "I'm trying," she said, keeping her voice calm. "I'm trying to let all this go. I've hated him for a long time but I hated you to. Hell, if I'm being honest with myself right now, I hated you more."

His pulse quickened at the bluntness of her words, because inside they weren't blunt at all. They were sharp and they twisted in his gut.

"But I let it go. It was like a darkness in my mind and it hurt. It hurt to feel like that towards you and it hurts to feel like that towards the rest of them. I don't want it anymore because it isn't me. I want to be me again."

He held her gaze, trying to understand her need to make things right with them. Knowing that he _needed_ to understand it. But it wasn't something he could grasp onto. It was like an eel, slippery and dangerous. "What I did ain't the same as what he did. I fucked up and broke you, but I still thought you were safe there. That son of a bitch, in his own mind, murdered you. He couldn't have really thought you'd make it out there and that didn't matter. What mattered was-"

"I know. But if I let that hang onto me then I'm no better than he is. I want him to look me in the eye. I want him to see that I didn't just survive out there. I want him to see the people I saved and I want him to know that no one, not him and not you, could really break me. Not completely. Maybe you won't ever understand but I need this. I need to see him."

He let out a breath and then nodded. "So you've made up your mind about going inside? If that's even an option."

"I have."

"And if he don't let you in?" He asked.

She stepped back and gripped his hand again. "Then I'll know that I at least tried and the rest of us will just move on to something else."

"That easy, huh?" He asked, keeping his pace as slow as hers. He knew that she was still scared to death of what this would bring. He'd be a liar if he said that they'd welcome her back with open arms. They wouldn't do that. Rick wouldn't do that, anyway.

Turns out, that wasn't even something he should have concerned himself with. When they broke through the trees they both stumbled to a stop, their eyes sweeping over the prison, or what was left of it. Their was destruction everywhere. The fences were flattened. There were bodies, long dead by the smell of it, and there were walkers. Not enough to cause him to think they were in immediate danger, but enough to let them know they were there. Their slow movements told both of them that there wasn't any life left in this place. There was no scent of the living hanging on the air, stirring the walkers into a frenzy.

"Jesus," he muttered, his eyes unable to look away from the wreckage that had once been his home. "Somebody came and just slaughtered them." A chill ran up his spine then. All this time he had told himself that Rick had thrown her out like garbage, when in reality, without even knowing it at the time, he had spared her life.

And this is what he would have found if he hadn't ran into her in the city. He would have came here and he would have been looking out at this destruction and he would think that all hope was gone. That she was lost forever and that was something that had his gorge rising.

"Who?" She whispered, her voice barely audible. "Who could have done this?"

He shook his head and then suddenly she turned into him, her forehead hitting his chest as her arms went around him. He couldn't look away from the prison. Not until he felt a shudder run through her. He looked down, his hands instinctively running up and down her back. He wasn't really able to process what this meant. How the hell could this happen here?

"Judith, Carl... they're..." she couldn't finish. Her voice was tortured like she had to rip the words from her throat.

He flinched, memories of the day the baby girl had been born. Remembering running off to get her formula because her mama was a stain on the concrete and her daddy was a raving lunatic. He'd given her her first damn bottle for Christ's sake.

He pulled her back towards the trees, not wanting the walkers in the yard to catch their scent. He had no idea what the plan was now but there was no repairing the prison. There didn't seem to be any chance that any of them would have survived that.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! Just a quick heads up, the Governor still attacked the prison and what they stumbled upon in the last chapter was the aftermath of that. We all know that some made it out alive. Since there were key characters missing from that attack, things went a little differently for some characters, much to my delight. Also keep in mind that Daryl hasn't seen team prison in going on two years. He left right after he found his brother and his emotional attachment to the group as a whole is a lot different. Anyway, here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

Once she had a chance to calm down she started to think more logically about the situation. There were vehicles missing. There could be some sort of clue as to where they had gone if any of them had escaped. It didn't take long to talk to the others and devise a plan to take out the walkers in the yard so they could try to piece together what had happened here.

There weren't enough walkers to keep them away from the place. Her group was big enough to dispatch the walkers that were there with ease. It seemed as though whatever had happened here had happened months ago. That was why Carol didn't recognize one walker right away. So far, her and Daryl hadn't ran into any that looked familiar but suddenly there was one lunging at her that did.

"Oh my God," Carol said, taking a cautious step away from the walker. The blonde ponytail had come partway undone. One eye was missing completely and her midsection was torn but Carol was still able to tell who it had been.

Just as Beth's rotted teeth snapped at Carol, Daryl stepped partially in front of her, slamming the knife into the one good eye and then kicking the corpse away before it could fall on him.

"Daryl, that was-"

"That wasn't nobody anymore. That was a walker," he said, wiping the blade off onto the dead girl's pants before stepping around and going for another one.

Carol stared down at the ruined face for a second before he grabbed her arm and was now pulling her along. She had to remind herself that, even though he had been a part of this group, he had been gone a lot longer than she had. He wasn't trying to be cruel. To him, the names of the people that had been like family to him at one time didn't stir a lot of emotion inside of him anymore. There names only words that didn't cast much of a shadow in his mind. He was detached from these people more than she had thought.

Besides, he was right. That thing wasn't the girl she had known. She hated to admit that seeing her like that hadn't been as shocking as it would have been if it had been anyone else. Children in this world didn't stand much of a chance unless they were prepared. Beth never struck her as the type that would be able to persevere. She had been coddled and it had ended up costing her.

She turned and continued on, her and Daryl keeping an eye on each others backs until there wasn't anything left to kill at the moment. He leaned his back against the bricks as the others gathered around to hear what the next plan of action would be.

Daryl met her eyes, searching. "Seems like the only one taken down here was Hershel's youngest. None of those other walkers looked like anybody I knew."

Carol shook her head. "There were a few I think could have been some of the older folks from Woodbury. I didn't see anyone from Rick's group. Then again, with enough walkers, there might not have been anything of them left to come back. Remember Lori?"

He nodded vaguely. "You okay?" He asked, ignoring the others for now.

She tried to at least fake a reassuring smile. "I think so."

Merle cleared his throat, drawing her attention. She glanced at him from over her shoulder. "What now? This place ain't salvageable."

Carol closed her eyes, leaning the back of her head against the bricks. She wasn't sure what to do now. This was the only thing she had been thinking about. "I'm sure most of them made it out. Surely there would be a sign of them somewhere if they had all died, right?" She had needed this. She had needed this final showdown to happen and then she was going to be able to fully move on. She wanted to look Rick Grimes in the eye and let him know that she was breathing.

Letting go of the bitterness and letting Daryl back in hadn't been an easy thing, but it had been something quietly monumental. That bitterness had taken root in her and had morphed into something ugly and cold. She hadn't really felt it there, growing like a tumor. Not really. Not until she found herself in that bathroom back at that apartment where they had taken refuge.

That had been the moment she realized that she had slowly turned into someone that she didn't know anymore. Letting him in, letting herself love him like she had never let herself before, opening herself up and trusting him again, had started this. It had pushed out so much of that darkness that now she wanted it purged. She wanted to let it all go.

She didn't hate Rick Grimes anymore. But she wanted to see him. She wanted to say the words that would help her let the last of the anger go. She wanted to start over and she wanted to be a better person when she did. Despite everything these two men had done to her heart, it was still beating, and it was still capable of holding more than resentment. Despite the carnage around her, she felt warm. She felt like there was more than this. She felt it so completely because it wasn't long ago that she'd been impervious to any warmth at all. Her body holding a chill that came from inside.

His arm brushed hers as he moved just a little closer and she looked over at him. "Merle's right."

Daryl's eyes met hers, searching. "This ain't recent. I can't track them."

She nodded. "I know that. But they're out there. We can't stay here."

Cassidy spoke up then, that usual anger gone from her own voice for the moment. "I think what we need to figure out first is who done this. There's somebody out there capable of bringing this kind of hell down on a group that was only trying to live peacefully. We need to hunt them down and take them out."

Merle smiled slowly, taking in the woman with a quick eye that made Carol nervous. There could not be anything blossoming between these two. It would be catastrophic to her nerves. Dealing with them separately was hard enough. Merle shook his head when Cassidy met his look without glaring. "I can tell you who did this, and I saw his body already. The Governor."

Carol scowled. "How do you know for sure?"

Merle nodded towards the yard. "I was his right hand man, remember? I know his MO. Not only that but if he died here, it was cause he brought this to Rick and the others. And huntin' down whatever scum he got to follow him here would be pointless."

Cassidy looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, this is your party," she said to Carol, her lips turning up slightly. "What's your call?"

Her and Daryl shared a long look and he nodded slightly. She met Cassidy's level gaze. "We walk until we either find this group, or we find a place to settle. A place to reinforce."

They picked through the ruble and Carol felt her chest tighten after a while. This had been home. It had been a good home too. They had offered refuge to a lot of people and they had done what they could to build a life. She wondered briefly, as her eyes swept over a stained car seat, if there really was anywhere that would ever be truly safe for them, or if their life would continue to be like this. Finding a reprieve for just a little while and then running all over again.

~H~

Daryl volunteered first watch with a few of the other women because he needed time to get his head clear. He didn't understand this need of Carol's to finally see Rick. It wasn't his place to question it, but it made him nervous. She'd been through enough and barely came out on the other side with her damn sanity intact. She'd lost it up there in that apartment.

So why now? He didn't know. All he could do was hope that enough time had passed that Rick was in a better place. And he hoped that Carol was too because he wasn't going to be able to stand by and watch the man hurt her. She'd been through enough already. Now he just wanted a fucking moment to slow down and figure out where they were heading. Not at the moment, but for good. He wanted something more than a life on the run. He didn't want to sleep with one eye open, in the middle of the woods, always wondering when hell was going to rain down on them. He was tired.

He wasn't sure how many times he had walked the perimeter but footsteps behind him, familiar footsteps, told him that it was about time to switch off. He turned and, sure enough, Merle was there.

"Time to hit the sack, little brother," he said in a low voice.

Daryl looked out at the darkness, his ears straining for the slightest sound that would indicate danger. "Ain't too tired. Got a lot of sleep last night. I ain't too used to it."

Merle snorted. "You didn't get too much sleep you liar. Remember, the rest of us heard what you were up to. That wasn't sleepin'."

He scowled. "Shut up. You know what I mean."

Merle nodded and then shouldered him towards camp where a fire was still burning low. "Either way, it's my turn asshole. I don't care if you sleep or not, but I ain't havin' them say I ain't pullin' my weight around here."

Daryl snorted and walked away. He was surprised to find Carol still up, sitting near the fire with her knees pulled up to her chest. She looked like she was deep in thought but as his feet silently carried him towards her she looked up.

"Why the hell ain't you asleep?" He whispered, sitting down next to her. He leaned his back into the log behind him.

She shrugged lightly. "A lot on my mind, I guess."

He nodded, his gaze going to the fire. "'Spose everybody does, but it ain't keeping them awake." He nodded to the group that were scattered about camp.

She bit her lip and he could have sworn she was fighting a smile. "I guess that's because me and you actually slept in. Not everyone had the luxury and apparently, nobody was able to get any sleep until we... finished up."

He groaned and swiped a hand over his face. "You're a fuckin' loud mouth," he muttered.

She shrugged again, just a barely perceptible rise of one shoulder. "You're a better lay than expected, what can I say?"

His head shot up at that, his eyes narrowing on hers. "You're an ass too." Which he meant it but he'd be a liar if, under the blush on his stupid face, he wasn't at least a little glad that she'd seemed to enjoy herself. He wasn't going to let her know it though. She was more herself now and if she thought she was embarrassing him with her crap then she'd just keep poking.

"You think we'll find them?" She asked, all traces of humor gone from her face now.

He shook his head. "Ain't too sure. We don't even know how long they've been gone. Or if any of them really made it. We're goin' on a hunch."

She surprised him when she moved over, curling up next to him and putting her head in his lap. "You think we should start looking for a place instead of trying to find them?"

He didn't answer her. He didn't know for sure if he even wanted to find them. He had a feeling that she had a lot more control over her anger than he did at this point. If he never laid eyes on Rick again, it wouldn't bother him in the least. But he knew she wanted to talk to the man so he wasn't going to say anything about it. It didn't matter what he thought. She needed to do this for some reason.

A few minutes later her breathing evened out and he knew she was asleep. He wondered idly, before his own eyes grew heavy, if she was as ready to face the others as she thought.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the delay. This story had me stumped for a while. Thank Halohunter89 for throwing ideas at me constantly. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter but at least it got me moving. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading, even when I'm unreliable about posting!**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

A week passed before Merle found himself standing in the woods next to a cul-de-sac surrounded by homes that none of them could have ever afforded in the old world. The road was long but at the end there were only a hand full of houses. They were large brick structures made to please the eye. Him and Cassidy had left out to scout that morning and it was already pushing noon. They hadn't found anything that looked safe enough to settle in for the long term just yet and they needed to get on that soon. She had insisted on moving further away from the city and he had agreed.

Merle studied the houses with a scowl. If not for the damn windows then he would have had to say that these houses would have been near perfect. They looked sturdy. People paid a pretty price for homes like this. It didn't really matter much how much they had spent, though, because as soon as the world turned to shit the houses ended up being worthless. The people that needed to live in houses like this were so damn vain that they also needed to put the inside on display. There were too many windows, too much glass, too many ways for anything to bust in.

It was enough to piss him the fuck off. They sat well away from the road, deep overgrown lawns flanking smooth paved drives. He spit in the bracken at his feet, hands on his hips as he stared.

"There's walls," Cassidy said. Her arms crossed over her chest as she squinted against the sun, following his gaze.

Merle grunted. It was true enough. Every one of the houses in question were surrounded by either ornate brick walls or wrought iron. The houses sat close enough together to show off one anothers goods but far enough apart so the rich folk could have their privacy if need be. "What I don't get is, why the hell do three of these places look like they've been ransacked all to shit but those three over there," he pointed, "Those don't look to have been touched at all."

He watched her as she studied the houses in question, her eyes narrowed. "I'd put money on the fact that those houses are sealed up tighter than Fort Knox. I mean, I'm sure they've been looted, but the reason those windows are still intact, is probably because they're shatterproof. I had windows just like that. My house was just a little bigger."

He eyed her skeptically. "Bigger, huh?"

She nodded. "My husband and I owned a few houses similar to these. One out in Anaheim California, which was where we lived most of the time. Another in Colorado. One in Main. We were actually looking into real estate on the outskirts of Atlanta because he was working on a movie here. He liked the scenery."

"Your husband was an actor?" Merle asked, not really believing this little tale she was weaving.

She shook her head. "Producer," she said, still eying the houses in the distance.

"And what did you do, other than live the good life of a rich girl?" He asked sarcastically.

She smiled grimly and finally looked up. She wasn't half as bad as she had been, thank fuck. "I was a trophy wife. He married me for my looks." A bitter laugh escaped her before it died away and her smile faded. "Ironic, huh? He was a cheating pig. He got a kick out of mind games, which resulted in me drowning out his bullshit with cocain and heroine. That rush and then the fall. I miss it sometimes."

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unsure what the hell to say to her. He wasn't as quick to trash talk this one. "I was more prone to the poor man's poison. Fuckin' toilet crank." He laughed.

She wrinkled her nose. "Yuck. I was way to high up on the ladder for any of that."

"You know, when you're not bein' a blood thirsty psycho bitch, you're pretty damn interestin'," he drawled.

She rolled her eyes. "And when you're not acting like a neanderthal asshole, so are you."

"You wanna head back and fill them in on this find or you wanna check it out first? We can't be the only folks with the idea to fortify a place like this."

She eyed the bigger house thoughtfully. "You think somebody could be in there?"

He nodded. "I'd give it 50 50 that somebodies settled the place already if it's as secure as you say."

She gave him a stiff nod. "It wouldn't do for both of us to go in. You take my rifle because the scope is better and you're a more accurate shot than I am. I look a lot less threatening too. Some scrawny scarred up damsel looking for a safe haven is less likely to cause a stink than a dour faced hard jaw with a buzz cut. You got a mean look about you, Dixon. It makes folks antsy. And I'd hate to go all the way back to camp and get the others if we aren't sure that this is a good enough spot to turn into home."

Merle shook his head. "Nah. Sendin' you in alone ain't sittin' well with me. I can go in and you cover me."

She sighed. "That's because you're letting your dick call the shots for you. My idea is smarter. Your idea sucks. You won't look less manly by letting me go alone. It's smarter because I don't look like a threat."

"And if the place is full of men?" He asked, knowing that it was a little cruel but needing her to understand that it very well could be the case. This world was a cesspool of madness with more than one kind of monster around every corner.

"Then I expect you to come save my ass... again," she said with a roll of her eyes. "But I don't really think anybody is here. We missed the fact that the gate is standing wide open and no one would have left it that way. We're so amateur."

He looked up and then nodded. "Damn. I 'spose we need to step up our game then."

She checked the clip in her handgun and then shrugged the rifle off her shoulder. "Don't pull any punches, Merle. If you see anyone looking fishy, shoot and ask questions later."

He grinned. "Woman after my own heart."

She snorted as she walked out of the shadows of the trees. "Like you even have one."

With one hand it made things a little more difficult but he'd learned to get by pretty well. Being unable to grip the barrel properly wasn't too big a problem if he could find something to brace the gun on. He didn't have to look very hard before he found a sturdy sapling that branched out at nearly eye level. He braced the rifle and looked through the scope, able to see the house better now. As far as he could tell, there was no movement. The grass around the front of the house was weighed down heavily to one side and didn't look as though it had been trampled. That didn't mean a whole lot though. If someone was there they could easily just use the back. A high privacy fence insured that he wouldn't be able to scan that far back though.

She was slow about her movements, which was smart. If someone was there they could think she was just some pitiful creature. She looked the part too with her dirty clothes and slight frame. But Merle knew better. She was a grade A freak. As dangerous as they came.

He watched her carefully, scanning the grounds around her and the house that loomed in the distance but he kept his ears sharp, listening for the slightest sounds that would indicate that there was trouble coming from his blind side. She disappeared through the back fence and he cursed, raising up and squinting in the distance. She was suppose to stay in sight and she damn well knew it.

He shouldered the rifle and stepped out of the trees. He was halfway down the drive when she came back around, running towards him. He tensed, stopping and bringing the gun around, his eyes scanning the house. When she was a few yards away she skidded to a stop and the look in her dark eyes was a rare look of excitement.

"What the fuck were doin' goin' out of sight like that?" He barked, lowering the gun now that he knew there wasn't likely anything or anyone about to come after them.

She grinned, glancing over her shoulder. There was dark blood on the sleeve of her shirt. "I was right. Someone must have traveled through here a long time ago but they didn't bother with that house. Whoever owned it must have evacuated early. It was locked up tight. Same with that one." She pointed towards another house sitting back a little further.

"What's with the blood?"

"There were a few walkers in the back. The back wall has a breach but I'm telling you, Dixon, we've struck gold here. We'll have walls, a roof over our heads. I'm sure there's enough room in that place for all of us to be comfortable and so we won't ever be subjected to your brother and Carol again like at that warehouse. I took a lawn chair to the back window and it bounced right off. This is it."

He snorted. "Don't get all ruffled there, woman. We gotta vote and then see where it goes from there."

She nodded. "I know it, but I think everyone will end up seeing what I'm seeing here. It's perfect."

He nodded, looking up at the looming structure of the house. "Weather is gonna turn soon and we ain't found anything else."

"Let's get back to the others then. We can fix the back wall easily."

~H~

Daryl hadn't really expected to bond with any of these women. It was hard to trust other people and if he didn't already have some sort of connection to them from the start, it wasn't easy to see them as anything more than dead people walking. He kept quiet around most of them. He wasn't interested in small talk.

But it was different with one of them. One of them other than Carol anyway. For some reason, the youngest of the bunch, Mercy, had become his shadow. He didn't mind it much either because it wasn't like he had to listen to her ramble on about anything. She was just as silent on her feet as he was so when she'd motioned that she'd wanted to go with him on a hunt he'd simply shrugged and let her tag along.

When they had returned she had taken the rabbits from him and went to work on cleaning them. While she worked he could almost recognize the kid that she had probably been. "You got any idea why she can't talk?" Daryl asked when Carol sat down next to him in front of the fire.

She shook her head. "I've asked but she never says anything. We only know her name and that she's young. She won't even tell us how old she is. I'm guessing between fourteen and seventeen maybe."

He nodded. "That's what I was thinkin'."

"I was afraid that she'd be scared with you and Merle around but she seems to have taken up with both of you," Carol smiled faintly but it didn't reach her eyes. He knew that it wasn't concern for the girl that was eating at her. It was the fact that they were actually talking about settling down somewhere.

"You think they found somethin'?" He asked, watching her eyes.

She nodded. "It's Merle and Cassidy. The demonic duo. I'd say they won't come back till they find something. Merle's worried about a cold fall sneaking up on us so I guess this is the smartest move."

He glanced around camp but no one was paying any attention to them so he slid his hand into hers. "You don't plan on stayin' put, do you?"

She stared down at their hands, fingers linked together tightly, and then smiled. "What do you think?"

He sighed. "I think it's gonna be a long ass winter, out in the cold, looking for Rick goddamn Grimes while the rest of these candy asses are livin' it up somewhere warm," he grumbled.

"It isn't Rick I care about and you know it. I want to make sure the kids are okay," she said softly. "And wherever our next home is going to be, I swear we won't stray too far away from it. You'll be back every night."

He sighed heavily and leaned his head back, staring up at the blue sky overhead. "I could probably hunt them down better without you. You dont' know the first thing about tryin' to track someone down."

She looked up sharply. "You aren't going anywhere without me. This isn't your battle, Daryl. It's all mine."

He didn't argue with her, even though he could have. This was as much his showdown as it was hers. He had his own questions for the man and he was going to get answers. If the answers weren't the right ones then he was going to break Rick's jaw. But he didn't say any of that. Instead he forced the anger back. "I wonder what the hell those two come up with," he mused. "Knowin' my brother we'll be spending the next few months bunked down in a chicken coop in the middle of nowhere."

She laughed lightly, drawing the attention of a few of the other women, who smiled indulgently, causing him to roll his eyes.

The two men had managed to gain the trust of the women in this group and Daryl was glad for it. There had been a few days there that he had been sure that one of them would end up trying to kill them in their sleep. Or wait until Carol wasn't around and gun them down. But that was over now. They trusted them. Even Merle, which was damn strange since Daryl didn't even trust the man half the time. But it made life a little easier. That ever present tension was gone.

"You know that there's a big chance that we ain't gonna be able to find them, right? We don't even know if they're alive."

Her head hit his shoulder and she sighed. "They're out there. But I'm only giving it a month. If I don't find them by then I'll give up the search. Merle could very well be right and this could be a hard winter."

A thought came unbidden to the forefront of his mind and he chuckled, causing her to look up at him with a smile.

"What?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Just thinkin'. Merle is probably hoping for a cold winter. You know he's already day dreamin' about all the women here having to use him for body heat. Merle Dixon getting to sleep in a sea of women every night." He snorted.

She sat up and looked out over the camp and then she laughed. It was a real one that shook her frame. "I can see him getting the idea that he should do his part in repopulating the world. Could you imagine? Out of all of us, there is at least five that he has a chance of seducing. It wouldn't take him long to create an army of... Merles."

He grimaced. "Don't ever bring that shit up to him cause that's exactly the type of shit he'd be all for."


	19. Chapter 19

**Getting back a little steam for this story. I'm about to start the next chapter now. This pleases me, since I've been a bit stressed about not updating often enough. Thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

The group stood in the middle of a grand foyer, feeling more like a bunch of lowly bums than they had any right to under the circumstances. The owners had obviously evacuated with the intentions of coming back eventually. The locks on the doors had been too complicated for Daryl to pick and no one was willing to shoot them since it was clear that if they couldn't force their way in, then no one else would be able to either.

Just to see if Cassidy had been right Merle had found a hammer in the large steal workshop in the back of the property and taken it to one of the back windows with more zeal than was necessary. The glass looked as though it cracked, forming an intricate webbing and Carol had felt her heart sink.

"Damn it," she muttered. She ran her hand over the spot and then her brows shot up. "Nothing."

Cassidy crossed her arms over her chest. "If this is the same type of stuff I had then no one is getting in here unless we want them to."

They hadn't been able to find a way in until Merle suggested that they could have left a second floor window unlocked. So with a ladder from the same building they retrieved the hammer, they got to work on climbing up and checking the windows. It was a hell of a task considering the amount of windows and after a while Merle and Daryl both were growling and grumbling about rich people being too paranoid.

Finally, in the very back, there was a small window that Daryl was able to push open easily. Unfortunately, Daryl was much more broad in the shoulders than he had been when they had first met. He couldn't twist himself enough to squeeze inside so with a curse he had stomped down the ladder.

Right before one of the other women could volunteer Mercy was scrambling up the ladder and slipping easily into the house, knife clamped between her teeth and pistol at her hip. Carol had been certain there were no walkers inside but she was still nervous as the girl slid into the small opening.

And now, here they were, standing in the foyer, looking around like they were astronauts that had landed on some strange planet. The crystal chandelier hung above them and off to the left a wide stairway curved up to the second floor. Carol had never been in a house quite like this before. It felt more like one of those luxury hotels you see in brochures.

"Not too shabby," Merle muttered, his eyes taking in the space.

Carol hadn't realized that Mercy wasn't with then until she came around the corner, a small pad of paper in her hand and a frown on her face. She handed the notepad to Carol.

 _The window I came through led me into a closet. Why would someone need a closet bigger than my old house?_

Carol laughed, delighted that the child was compelled to ask such questions since all they had gotten from her before was her name. She eyed the girl. "I have no idea. Rich people are a mystery to me too,"

The girl rolled her eyes and then shrugged, taking the paper back and quickly wrote something else, holding up the paper for Carol to read. _Can I have it?_

Carol frowned. "You want the closet?"

 _It can be my own space and I didn't think anyone else would want it._

Carol surprised herself, and everyone else, when she pulled the girl in and hugged her. Mercy hugged her back but when Carol pulled away her cheeks were flushed like she was embarrassed. It was easy to forget that they were all _people_. That they were people that still had small wants and a need for something, however small, to call their own. "It's all yours."

The girl grinned and then shoved the notepad into her back pocket. Maybe she was planning on communicating more now. Carol hoped so anyway. She wanted to know more about the girl. At least the basics. She was such a mystery to all of them.

~H~

Daryl was normally a skeptic. He didn't see much good in the world anymore because he had been fooled before, but even he couldn't deny this windfall. This wasn't anything he had ever expected to find. What he had expected was for his brother and Cassidy to come back, excited about some abandoned lot with a fence around it and a dilapidated building that they could all squeeze into for the winter.

And that would have been fine, really. As long as they could have stayed relatively safe in one spot while the weather was bad. Winter was an awful time to be on the road and he sure as hell wasn't ready to face another one. He was getting too fucking old for that kind of shit.

"I want this."

He turned from the painting he had been staring at that was hanging in the wide second floor hallway. The owners of this place had most likely spent a blue collars years salary on it and he couldn't see anything appealing about the smears of color that some asshole swiped across the canvas, and then passed it on to dumb rich types for a shit ton of money. "You want what?" He asked, studying her face as she looked into the open doorway leading to one of the bedrooms.

She pointed. "Have you seen this bed?"

He had taken a look into every door he passed, took note of each room and then just kept moving. There were a lot of them, even for a house this big, but he wasn't expecting them to get one of the better rooms. Him and Carol were kind of low maintenance like that. He would have been okay with one of the closets like Mercy.

He glanced in and then shrugged. "Not too shabby I don't guess."

She looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Not too shabby? Daryl, you can't tell me you've ever crawled into something that looked as comfortable as that. Especially after sleeping in the damn dirt!"

He eyed the bed and then he eyed her. "I've been sleepin' in the dirt half my life. Nothin' wrong with sleepin' in the dirt."

With a roll of her eyes she grabbed his hand and hauled him into the room, shutting the door behind her. He didn't fight her as she pulled him towards the bed. Actually, he was pretty goddamn eager to get her to a bed. Being with her all the time but also being surrounded by a whole group of other people that watched their every move wasn't exactly easy for him.

"Take them off," she demanded, hands on her hips.

He regarded her levelly. If she'd asked him this some time ago, like at the prison, he'd have huffed and flushed and stormed away. Not so much anymore. He shrugged and his hand went to his belt.

"Jesus, Daryl," she hissed, stilling his hands with one of hers. "I meant your boots!"

He scowled. "I was getting there."

" _Only_ your boots," she said before she gave up and laughed. She didn't do it often. Almost never, so when she did the sound of it filled him with an odd kind of happiness. "You're definitely not the same man I remembered from the prison."

He toed off his boots. "There. Now what?"

She sighed heavily. "Now get in the bed."

He rolled his eyes. "Woulda made a lot more sense to take off everything else first but alright," he grumbled.

She shook her head, watching him as he flopped down gracelessly onto the bed. He tried to hold it in but he let out a groan as the mattress molded to his body and the tension in his spine seemed to melt away.

He opened his eyes when he heard her laugh softly. "Okay, you win. I want this one too."

"I told you," she said, dropping down next to him and folding her arms under her head. "And I don't think anyone will care if we stake a claim. There's plenty of places to sleep in this place."

He nodded, staring up at the ceiling. "We need to think about our next move. Now that we're able to lay low we aught to try to come up with a solid plan if we're gonna have any chance of finding the others."

She didn't say anything for a long time. He turned his head and found her staring up at the ceiling, her eyes troubled. He waited her out, trying to fight back the hope that was building in his chest but it was hard. He didn't want to spend their time out looking for those people. The people that turned her out. He tried hard to understand why she felt she needed to. He did understand her desire to see those kids safe and alive, but at what cost?

It seemed as though she simply needed something to cling to. She needed a purpose to keep moving, but maybe now she was finally starting to realize that she had a purpose right in front of her. This was _her_ group and the women here needed her. They needed her to keep her head on straight and they needed her to watch over them. She never asked to be a leader. She never demanded that anyone turn to her and her alone to make decisions, not like Rick had done, but she was a leader that those women had chosen. She was the type of person that had somehow grown into a natural leader.

She turned her head, meeting his eyes and smiled slightly. "Maybe we can just lay low and rest for a while. We haven't been in a place like this. Not a place that's secure and comfortable. Cassidy said there's a creek not far away. We can do what we need to do to make this place livable and then, maybe when spring hits, we can look for them again."

He looked back up at the ceiling and blew out a heavy breath, and what felt like two years worth of stress, and nodded. "That's about the best idea I've heard from you yet."

She found his hand lying between them and laced her fingers through his. They laid there like that for a long time, both lost in thought as his thumb drew random patterns into her wrist. Neither expected to fall asleep, with the excitement of finding a sanctuary like this one, but eventually they did. They woke to the sound of excited voices coming from the hallway.

They both sat up, fingers still tangled together, when Merle barged into the room. The grin on his face had them glancing at each other.

"Get up and get naked mother fuckers. We got water," Merle barked, grabbing Carol's hand and pulling her up from the bed. "You both smell like a bloated corpses ass."

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" Daryl asked, running a hand through his overgrown hair.

"Found a goddamn pump in the basement, little brother. We got water. Real life right outta the goddamn pipes water."

Carol looked confused now. "Merle, we don't have electricity. What good is a pump if-"

"You two was meant for each other, you know that?" Merle grumbled. "Always gotta ask questions. Can't ever just take somethin' good for what it is. Right now there's a battery that's workin' just fine and once that's used up, it's connected to a hand pump for back up. It's comin out like ice and tastes like fuckin' heaven in a spigot so I'm guessin' that there's a spring."

Carol looked up at Daryl, eyes wide, and then she leaned in slightly, wrinkling her nose. "He's right. You stink."

Daryl grimaced as Merle's laughter filled the room.

"Carol, I bet if we looked hard enough we could find you ladies some french maid uniforms. That's what rich people did back in the day, right? Make their hired help wear sexy little- Ouch, what the fuck, little brother!"

Daryl had jabbed an elbow into his sternum on his way past. "Shut your cake hole, Merle. These women would have you tied up wearin' one them uniforms if you did end up findin' one." He cursed when he realized that Merle's sick ass probably wouldn't be opposed to something like that and now it just sounded dirty.

Merle whistled low. "Damn, boy. Didn't know you had no kind of kink streak in you. We got more in common than I thought."

Daryl flushed and kept storming away, the sound of Carol's laughter mingling with Merle's behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

**It was a struggle but I was finally able to finish this chapter. Bear with me people. For the last couple of weeks I've hit the worst writer's rough patch I've ever hit in my life. It isn't just writer's block. Writer's block for me is kind of like a dam. The ideas piling up but not going anywhere. But now, I flat out haven't had the urge to write anything at all. And it has nothing to do with the show, because I don't watch it. It's kind of terrifying. I'm always writing something and now I just wonder around aimlessly. Lol It's sad. Anyway, hope you all are functioning better than me. Thanks for reading.**

 **Chapter Twenty**

There was a fireplace in the living and another in what was apparently called a game room. Between the two of them, in a house the size of the one they were now occupying, it was only enough to heat those two rooms. The weather was still warm enough that it didn't matter yet but Carol was afraid that eventually, her and Daryl would be forced to move out of their room and sleep in a room with a fireplace with the rest of them. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

The water pressure wasn't the greatest and she felt as though she were standing under glacial waters but she took her time anyway, scrubbing away the filth and grime that had accumulated over an embarrassing amount of time and breathing through the cold shock. All of them reeked to a degree and she would suffer through the cold to get clean again.

She took her time, toweling off and ignoring the banging on the door. There were plenty of other bathrooms but there were a lot of people in her group that wanted to rid themselves of their stench. She sighed contentedly when she put on clean clothes. And not just clean from a good scrubbing in a stream either. These were clean, soft.

When she finally opened the door it was one of the quieter girls that was standing there glaring at her. Her name was Michelle and at the moment she looked ready to mow Carol over to get to the shower. Carol raised a brow at her. "I promise I didn't use up all the cold water."

Michelle's lips twitched but she refused to smile. She looked mildly surprised though. Carol didn't usually make it a habit of cracking jokes. She usually didn't feel like it, really, but here lately, she was starting to feel a little lighter. Like maybe things would finally work themselves into place and she would be able to breath a little easier. It helped that they had a decent place and she wouldn't be spending another winter fighting frost bite.

And she didn't feel adrift anymore.

She went into the room she had claimed for her and Daryl and was surprised to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. His hair was damp from his own shower but he was wearing the same clothes that he had been wearing since they found each other. He looked up, noticed her examining him and shook his head.

"Don't start with me. I can't find a damn thing worth wearin'."

"There's all kinds of things you could wear," she said, pulling out the drawers and then tossing him a pair of khakis. He stared at them and then threw them over his shoulder, shaking his head.

Fifteen minutes later, in the very back of the closet, she found a couple of pairs of jeans that he didn't scowl at. It was something anyway.

"Who in the hell only wears fuckin' dress pants? I know regular pants ain't just for poor people. There's a bunch of you damn women and all of you found stuff to wear for fucks sake."

She raised a brow at him, leaning into the wall with her arms crossed. "I don't know. I guess because none of us are as picky as you. Beggars really can't be choosers."

"The hell they can't," he mumbled, looking down and undoing the buttons on his shirt.

She watched him shrug out of the vest and then the shirt before his fingers went to work his belt open. She swallowed hard, taking him in slowly, her eyes lingering on old scares, the trail of hair leading into his pants, lean muscles tensing in his stomach. She looked up when she realized that his hands had stilled on his belt and he was now watching her just as closely as she had been watching him.

She was torn. On one hand she hated herself for wanting him like this but there was nothing she could do about it. She had always wanted him. On the other hand it filled her with a strange kind of exuberance that she hadn't felt since long before the world ended. Love was a strange and dangerous, but sometimes wonderful, thing.

"What?" He asked, finally breaking the silence, and the eye contact, as his gaze roamed over her.

She shook her head and then she turned around and walked out of the large closet, leaving him alone to change. She wasn't planning on going far, though. She went to the door and turned the lock, knowing that there was a huge chance that someone would come looking for them. Probably Merle. But she couldn't bring herself to care about that at the moment. Despite the freezing shower she had taken her body felt flushed, anticipation causing her heart rate to shoot up.

She hadn't heard him following her but when she turned form the door he was right there, looming over her. He must have followed her right out of the closet because he was still wearing his old pants. She barely had a moment to register this, however, because the look in his eyes when she met them had her breath stuttering out of her lungs.

He looked just as desperate as she knew she did. Another step had him pressing her against the solid wood of the door, trapping her body with his. He ducked his head, catching her lips with his and eliciting a desperate sound from her. Wide hands gripped her waist as his tongue explored her mouth, fighting with hers for dominance.

Her hands were on his neck, his pulse throbbing heavily against her palm. The feeling was somehow comforting, reassuring, causing that deep loneliness that always seemed to dwell inside of her to subside. It happened any time he was close.

When her hands traveled down, fingertips tingling against the smooth contours of his chest, he suddenly gripped her hips and lifted her easily, giving her no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. The thin material of the pants she had found did nothing to alleviate the feel of his erection pressing against her heavily. She moaned softly against his lips, her body humming with a need that surprised her. It shouldn't have surprised her at all. Not after what had happened in the room in that warehouse. She knew the places that his body was capable of taking hers, but this painful ache inside of her was new, so it was still shocking.

"The bed," she gasped, pulling her mouth away from him slightly.

He nodded and backed up so she wasn't pressed into the wall anymore but he didn't put her down, their lips met again, his hands slid down, gripping her ass hard as he made his way, more sure footed than she would have imagined, to the bed in the center of the ridiculously large room.

He unceremoniously dumped her onto the bed. The sun was going down but there was a light in his eyes, like a fire, burning hot when their eyes met. He smirked, like her quiet desperation was somehow amusing to him, and then he quickly slid her pants down her legs. Gripping her behind the knees he pulled her to the edge and then he dropped, his head dipping quickly between her thighs before she could even think to react.

The heat of his mouth clashed with the heat between her legs and she stifled a cry when she felt him taste her deeply, fully, and with a satisfied sound that vibrated through her. He pushed her legs wider, his tongue greedily exploring her in ways no one ever had before, shocking her into silence as her body trembled under his hands. Her own hands fisted the sheets, eyes rolling back in her head as electric sensations wracked her, the pressure building almost against her will because once she came, he would stop and she didn't want him to stop because this low burning pleasure was driving her out of her mind. Her thoughts were splintered, her body shuddered and she could have sworn she heard him chuckle darkly, feel his hot breath washing over her before his mouth came back for another sinful assault.

Against her will her back arched slightly off the bed and she waited for the onslaught to come. He sensed it, reaching up and clamping his hand roughly over her mouth and then pushed two fingers into her. Her eyes slammed shut, her heels digging into the mattress and pushing herself further into him as white light exploded in her mind. She could no longer pinpoint exactly what he was doing to her because all she could focus on was the exquisite pleasure that nearly bordered on pain.

When he moved away she stared blankly at the ceiling but from the corner of her eye she saw him swipe the back of his hand across his mouth.

"You alright?" He asked, his voice low and husky but sounding a little concerned.

She nodded and then heard the sound of his belt tearing away from his pants.

~H~

Merle climbed the stairs to the attic, where he knew he'd find Cassidy. She was like the fucking bat in the belfry every time they found a place to stay and he didn't think this place would prove to be any different. The attic wasn't finished but the floor was solid so he wouldn't have to worry about falling through. Whoever had built the house had been smart enough to know that they at least needed to get the attic's bones ready to be finished because rich people were into doing shit like that. The more room, the better.

He turned on the flashlight because the windows up here were small and dusty and the sun was setting quick. The light cut through the gloom and then stopped when he spotted her standing sentinel at the back window.

"Hi, Merle," she said without even turning.

He grinned, holding the flashlight so her ass became a beacon. "How the hell did you know it was me?"

"Because it's always you," she said, glancing over her shoulder. "And you're the only one that would point a flashlight right at a woman's ass. Your brother has better manners."

He shrugged. "Cause he's preoccupied. All I got on my hands is time."

"Fair enough." She said, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips before she turned back to stare out the window. "I was just about to go find you anyway."

He snorted, sidling up next to her. "Just can't stay away, huh?"

She shook her head. "Don't flatter yourself, Merle. You're not nearly as pretty as you think you are."

"You wound me, woman," he grumbled, squinting out the window. "What was you needin'?"

She nodded towards the glass and then pointed. "That look like smoke to you?"

He elbowed her out of his way so he could get a better look. He didn't see anything at first. Twilight was washing out the colors of the day, bathing everything in a purple hue lined with dark shadows. He scanned the horizon and then scanned it again before he finally saw it. Towards the middle of the woods, someone had themselves a campfire going.

"Don't look too far away," she said quietly.

He glanced down at her and then back to the window. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

She met his eyes, that strange glint giving hers a feral glow to them that had his pulse quickening. "No reason me and you can't take ourselves a nice moonlit stroll through the woods, now is there?" She asked, barely able to contain her excitement.

"None at all."

"Go load up. I'll meet you in the back," she said with a grin. She turned and walked away, leaving him standing there staring after her. He'd never met such a bloodthirsty person in all his life. And goddamn if that didn't turn him on more than anything ever had in his life. But he shook the thought. She was too goddamn fucked up in the head for him to mess with. She was damaged and he needed to remember that. She'd never look at a man the same after what had happened to her back there. The only reason he was able to spend as much time with her as he did was because he was the one that had finally saved her ass. She trusted him.

He sighed and headed for the door. None of that meant that the two of them couldn't enjoy a killing spree every now and then, though. At least there was that. He had a partner in crime and that was a rare find for a man like him.


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm hoping this means that the writer's block has passed for a while. I started posting for a story that I already had finished just so I could post something. Anyway, I had trouble at first but towards the end, I was totally into this chapter. Hope you enjoy it too and thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter Twenty One**

Daryl didn't open his eyes when he woke up. He intuitively knew that it was night and he wasn't about to get out of the bed. Unless they were being attacked, he was staying right where he was. Carol on the other hand, must have had different plans because she shifted a couple of times and he felt her trying to slide away from him.

Finally he cracked one eye open and sure enough, it was dark in the room. Without a word he reached out, his arm going around her, and hauled her back until she was flush against him again. "Where the hell you goin'?" He grumbled sleepily, ignoring her feeble attempts to get away. He pressed his forehead against the back of her neck and held on tighter.

She stopped struggling and finally just rolled over onto her back and ran her hand up his arm. "I was just checking on them. I didn't ever tell anyone to take watch. We can't let our guard down no matter how safe we think we are. You know that."

He scoffed. "Yeah, I keep forgetting that everyone here is a rookie at this whole surviving thing. You better run along and take their bottles away and send them off to watch."

She smacked his arm, her laugh ending in a lazy sigh. "I know they know what to do. I'll just sleep better knowing who is keeping an eye out."

He grumbled under his breath and then let go of her, sitting up. "You know, that's one of your problems right there," he said, his voice rough with annoyance.

She sat up next to him, holding the sheet up to her chest. "What are you talking about?"

"You ain't in charge. You ain't the one responsible for everybody here. Maybe the little girl, but that's it. You put all this on your shoulders and it's a damn heavy load to bear. Why the hell do you do it?"

"Because someone has to do it," she snapped, reaching for her shirt.

He snatched it before she could. "Nobody has to do it. You put it on yourself as a distraction and as far as I can see, you don't need one anymore."

She reached for her shirt but he shoved it behind him. "Stop being a child. I do it because if something happens to them, whether it makes sense or not, I'm going to blame myself. I blame myself for a lot of things and I just don't want to deal with that. Okay? So give me my shirt so I can check on them just to ease my mind."

"Go naked if you insist on goin' then. I ain't giving your clothes back."

She laughed but it was a dark sound. "We've all seen each other naked." She slipped out of bed then and he lunged, grabbing her hand and hauling her back.

"Merle ain't seen you naked! Here," he shoved her shirt onto her lap and flopped back down. He was sulking and he knew it but goddamn this woman never listened to anything.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked, her voice incredulous.

He snorted. "No. Just go on and set up your girls so you can come the fuck back to bed and we can get some goddamn sleep."

She laughed and he raised his head.

"What the hell's so funny?"

He still couldn't see well but he felt her shift. "You are. You're lying there pouting like a child. You and Mercy should be roommates. She could teach you a thing or two on how to be an adult."

He raised back up, gaping at her. She was making fun of him. Him! He reached out and gripped her wrist hard, yanking her over until she was forced to straddle his hips. "You're a goddamn asshole, you know that? All I'm tryin' to tell you is-" Her mouth slammed into his then, cutting off anything else he might have said.

For a few seconds it was sensory overload because having someone so close was still strange, but it was something he was quickly getting over. He gripped her hips, hauling her closer. He was about to roll her onto her back when a timid knock at the door had her breaking the kiss.

"Ignore it," he whispered, his hand running up her inner thigh.

Her breath rushed out and her body shuddered against his when his fingers moved over her, her nails biting into his shoulders.

Another knock had her pulling back again so he upped his game and pushing two fingers into her, moving them skillfully. He didn't want her to move. There were all kinds of things he wanted to do, even though they had done a lot before they had finally fallen asleep. He had a lot of time to make up for and-

The knock was more persistent now and he cursed as he moved his hand away from her. Whoever it was hadn't knocked like their was an emergency but it was obvious someone had something they needed to say to one of them. It was probably Merle.

Carol cursed even louder than he had, rushing to get her clothes. He didn't know where the hell any of his were so it took him a little longer. He barely had his damn boxers pulled up when she opened the door. Lantern light spilled in a second before the woman on the other side got a full on view of his goods. Carol could have at least given him a heads up!

He couldn't make out their words but he took advantage of the light and spotted his pants. Luckily they were closer than he expected them to be and he was able to get them on so he could figure out what the hell the problem was. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe these women did need a baby sitter.

Carol looked at him, her brow furrowed in worry. "No one can find Merle and Cassidy," she said, the worry carrying over into her voice.

He grimaced, his mind going to places it didn't want to go but Carol read his thoughts and shook her head.

"There's no way Cassidy would. Not after..." Her voice hung there and then Daryl remembered exactly who they had been talking about. The woman had been held captive by the other group for a long time and the last damn thing she would ever think about was sneaking off and doing anything like that with his brother. She hated men in general. Hell, she even gave him shitty looks and she knew he wasn't a threat. She was friendlier with Merle but that was only because Merle was persistent and Merle had been the one to get her out of there.

"This is a big place. Maybe-"

The other woman shook her head. "We've torn it apart looking for them. I never would have interrupted if I thought this wasn't something big."

Daryl ran a hand through his already mused hair. "Goddamn, Merle," he growled, grabbing his shirt off the floor and rushing to get it on. Couldn't he just have one fucking night with her? Just one where it was just him and her?

~H~

If Merle had seen a rougher bunch of assholes in all his life, he couldn't rightly remember. The group wasn't a very large one but there were enough to do some damage if they needed to. From the looks of it, however, he didn't think any of them had any fight left. Some faces were familiar, others not so much and he thought about leaving right then.

That thought was fleeting however.

"What do you think?" Cassidy whispered. She had no choice but to stand so close that she was almost pressed into his side.

"I think we make ourselves known and I think we invite them over for some drinks. What do you think?" He asked, the scene already unfolding in his mind.

"I think you've lost your fucking mind. We don't owe these people a damn thing. We should take them out before they try to come and take what's ours," she hissed, her dark eyes narrowing.

His brows went up at that. "You know, you're goddamn unstable. Anybody ever tell you that?"

They both stiffened as a strange wailing sound filled the night. They both peered at the group, who were all moving now and then suddenly one of the women picked up a baby and Merle heard Cassidy curse under her breath. Merle couldn't believe the kid was alive at all.

"Did you see the kid or something? Is that why you want to have them come back with us?" Cassidy asked.

Merle shook his head slowly. "Nah. You see the man reachin' for her now?"

Cassidy nodded.

"That's Rick Grimes," Merle muttered with a slow smile. "And me and you both know how my brother and Carol feel about this man."

Cassidy looked at him sharply, her eyes hard. "This is the son of a bitch that tossed her out on her ass? The same one that drove her away from her fucking family?"

Merle nodded and then held up the steal contraption where his hand had been. "And I owe him for this too."

Her jaw clenched and she spit at their feet. "What are the chances of us getting to watch Carol and your brother mutilate this asshole?"

Merle rolled his eyes. "Slim. They're tame."

"You think they've been on the run since they lost that prison?" Cassidy asked. "They sure as hell don't look too good."

Merle studied the pale sallow faces of the group around the fire and nodded. "Looks that way. If not then they ain't been anywhere that I ever wanna go."

"What now?" Cassidy asked, leaning her rifle against her shoulder.

Merle flashed her a grin. "I say lets go on over so I can get reacquainted."

"They're armed, Merle," she said, not looking like she liked his idea at all.

"They won't shoot. Look at us and look at them for fucks sake! They're starvin' to death. They're gonna know we got ourselves somethin' good goin'. What choice will he have but order his group to follow us? He's got two kids that need a roof over their heads."

"Something tells me that they aren't going to trust us," she said, glancing at the group again.

"No, they won't. But they trust my brother and they know my brother left them for me. They'll come."

She sighed, shaking her head slightly and then meeting his eyes. "Okay, but if things go south I'll shoot every one of them and take the squealer to Carol and call it a night. I'm not in the mood to put up with any kind of pissing contest."

Merle grinned. "Me and you should get married, woman. Every vile thing that pours outta that mouth of yours sends my cold cold heart pitter patterin'," he drawled.

"In your dreams, redneck. We doing this?" She asked, unable to hide her slight amusement.

He nodded and then stepped out from behind the trees that had been concealing them. He felt her at his side and knew that Rick and company were in more danger than they'd ever know. Her finger was braced on the trigger and he knew without a doubt that deep down, she wanted to kill Rick Grimes. He'd wronged Carol and to Cassidy, that shit was simply unacceptable. God, he loved this woman.

Every able bodied person shot up from the ground, guns drawn except for the woman next to Rick who pulled out, of all things, a goddamn sword. Cassidy tensed but Merle put a hand on her arm before she could start shooting. Merle remembered the woman now. She'd been at Woodbury for a while.

"You look like you've seen better days, Officer Friendly," Merle grinned.

"Merle?" Glenn choked. "Oh God."

Merle chuckled.

"Who the hell is this?" A tall man with red hair asked, the gun in his hands moving between Cassidy and Merle.

"We know him," Rick said, his blue eyes boring into Merle's. He was trying to put on that air of authority but it just seemed a little sad in his current state. All of them seemed emaciated. "Is Daryl alive?"

Merle nodded. "Left him safe and sound at home in a warm bed with his woman actually. He's doin' damn good."

Glenn shook his head, looking down at his boots.

"You have a place?" The sword wielding woman asked, her face grimmer than any Merle had ever seen, deep lines between her brows and her lips turned down slightly. Her dark eyes shifted between Merle and Cassidy. He tried but he couldn't remember her name. She had been a friend of the blonde with the tits.

The girl standing with the red haired guy stepped a little closer, lowering her gun. She glanced at Rick, her eyes pleading and Rick shook his head, adjusting the sleepy child on his hip.

"Oh come on," Merle said. "You really think I'd turn you and your sad lot out? You can stop by our place, get a little food in your system. Hell, maybe get a night or two of rest. You know Daryl. He'll be surprised to see you."

"Why should we trust you?" Glenn asked, his eyes cold. Merle had almost forgot about roughing him up. Damn if this little shit couldn't hold a grudge.

Merle nodded towards Cassidy. "Cause I'm the only thing keepin' this lovely lady right here from blowin' your brains out and pickin' through your ammo. We been watchin' you a while. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead. Hell, looks like if we waited around a day or two, pulled us up a seat, we'd get a front row viewing of you mother fuckers starvin' to death." He chuckled and was surprised to see Cassidy grin at his side.

Jesus Christ, she was perfect.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello. I want everyone to keep in mind that the dynamics are different in this story because of the amount of time that Daryl has been away from the group. I didn't make it clear who all survived in Rick's group. Rick, Carl, Judith and Michonne are alive. Glenn and Maggie, Abe, Rosita, Tara Sasha and Eugene. That's all. There isn't a whole lot of this story left to tell after we get past this hump. I'm not sure how many chapters are ahead but it shouldn't be too many.**

 **Chapter Twenty Two**

Carol was pacing a hole in the floor, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes constantly going to the back door. Why in the hell would Cassidy leave in the middle of the night with Merle Dixon? Why would either of them do something like that without telling anyone they were leaving, and for what reason?

It wouldn't do them any good to try to find them because no one had a clue where they had gone or when they had left the house. The only consolation she had was that it was obvious they were together and they were more than capable of taking care of themselves, and would keep a watch on the others back.

"They'll show up," Daryl said from his spot on the counter but she could see the tension in his arms as his hands gripped the edge of the cold dark granite.

"I know," she said, rubbing at the tension in the back of her neck.

"I could find-"

"Please don't start that again," she pleaded, her eyes wide as they landed on his.

He nodded and looked towards the door himself. She knew he was worried about his brother but she also knew that he would play it cool for a while just to keep her from worrying even more.

They were silent for a long time. Eventually the gray morning light was pressing against the windows and she was just about to give in and tell him that they needed to try to track them when a sound came from the back of the garage. She was sure it was them but when she made a move to open the door Daryl grabbed her arm, pulling her back slightly.

"Gettin' rusty," he grumbled, shoving her gun in her hands.

She looked down at the rifle and shook her head. She was about to go in there not knowing what was on the other side of the door, unarmed. Daryl opened the door, his bow raised and ready to put a bolt into anything that happened to be on the other side.

"Why can't you use a gun like the rest of us?" Cassidy asked, pushing past him before he could step into the garage.

Daryl dropped the bow and turned as the woman sauntered over to the pantry like nothing was amiss. "Where the fuck is my brother?" He snapped. "Where the hell have you been?"

Cassidy kept her back to them as she rummaged through the space, obviously looking for something specific. "We saw some smoke in the woods last night. We checked it out. You two might want to go out back and see what we found."

Carol was livid. After spending all this time worrying about the two of them how dare this woman just walk right in so nonchalant like she hadn't done anything wrong! There were unspoken rules in this group and one of them was, don't go off and scare the hell out of the rest of them. She didn't trust her voice at the moment however so when Daryl grabbed her hand and led her out into the garage and towards the open side door beyond, she didn't fight him. She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach but she ignored it, forcing one foot in front of the other.

Once they were out the door the two of them stopped in their tracks, neither of them really believing what they were seeing. Her hand tightened around Daryl's and suddenly she could feel the tension rolling away from his body in waves. His anger was so real in that moment that she didn't really feel any of her own emotions. His were thick and dark and it was the strangest experience she had ever had.

The group was lined up along the back wall. Carol didn't recognize all of the faces but some she did. The moment was surreal. Maybe it would have been this strange when her and Daryl had found one another, if they hadn't been trying to beat one another to death.

So far everyone only seemed to have eyes for Merle, who seemed to be keeping all of them there by the far wall. Cassidy walked past Carol and Daryl and rejoined Merle, her sharp eyes focusing on the men in the group. All of them looked to be in bad shape. When one of them finally looked up, it was Carl and suddenly he broke away from the rest of them and started sprinting towards her.

Carol took a step towards the boy, then another and then she froze when Rick cried out, commanding Carl to stop, running after the boy, his eyes on Carol. There was still distrust there but this didn't surprise her. It didn't even make her angry, even though she knew that it should. She was too relieved to see Carl in one piece. Too relieved to see Judith in Michonne's arms, alive.

Rick put a hand on Carl's shoulder but Carl shook it off, giving Rick a look that surprised her, and then started walking towards her again. She let go of Daryl's hand then and met Carl half way. He was bigger, but that made sense. He threw himself into her arms but the relief in his eyes right before he did so had her smiling.

She was about to pull away when she looked up and saw Rick storming towards them. He didn't only look angry. He also looked unsure. She stepped away from Carl and opened her mouth to speak but she didn't get a chance to say anything.

Daryl intercepted Rick's advance, his body blocking him, their foreheads touching as Daryl backed the other man up a few feet before shoving him so hard Rick lost his balance, landing hard in the grass.

Daryl towered over him. "Get up," he bit out from between clenched teeth. His eyes were hard and dark. Dangerous.

Rick's hand went for the gun at his hip but Daryl's foot came down on his arm, stopping him. He howled in pain. Daryl reached down and grabbed the gun, tossing it to the side.

"Get up!" He snarled, pacing in front of the man.

Rick did just that, pulling himself up off the ground carefully. All of this happened in a matter of seconds but to Carol it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. She saw Michonne hand Judith off to the another girl that Carol didn't know. Saw the woman, eyes narrowed, go for the sword at her back and then, to her horror, she saw Cassidy use her rifle like a bat and slam it into the back of Michonne's head.

"Stop!" Carol managed to yell right before Cassidy went in for a finishing blow.

Cassidy was in no mood to listen but, to Carol's surprise, Merle grabbed her around the waist, hauling her back. That was when the bigger guy, another one that Carol had never seen before, went for Merle.

Rick held up his hands but Daryl ignored him, shoving him hard again.

"Why?" Daryl demanded.

Glenn, had broken away from Maggie, grabbing the red headed man by the arm, stopping him just as the rest of Carol's group came from either side of the house, guns raised, causing the commotion to come to a stand still.

Carol finally snapped out of her shock and went to Daryl. The rest of Rick's group had their hands up, looking wearily at the women advancing on them. Rick was looking at the ground, his hands up, breathing heavily. She placed a hand on Daryl's arm then, stopping him. His chest heaved with anger and when his eyes slid over to her she almost looked away. She'd never seen so much loathing in his eyes before. It was unsettling but it was also a quiet confirmation. Rick had been his friend. They had survived together, but Rick putting her in danger wiped all of that away in Daryl's mind. Rick was the enemy now.

"That's enough," she said, her voice quiet. "Please."

Daryl's gaze slid back to Rick, disgust clear on his face. "Nah. You get the others inside. Make sure them kids get something in their stomachs. Looks to me like their fearless leader here has let the whole lot of them starve."

Rick looked up, his own eyes hard but he didn't say anything else.

"That okay with you, Rick? You gonna let her feed your kids or are you scared she's gonna poison them?" Daryl sneered.

"Daryl," Carol began but he cut her off with a look. She sighed and stepped away, turning to the women behind her. "It's okay. We know these people."

The guns lowered then but every woman in her group was still leery. That was a good thing because some of the people with Rick were strangers. She had no idea what they were capable of. Maggie and another girl were helping Michonne up off the ground. Thankfully, she didn't seem hurt too badly. She met Daryl's eyes one more time and then she turned, leading Carl towards the back door while Merle got Rick's people moving.

Referring to them as Rick's people, even in her mind, stung a little. But she pushed it all back.

~H~

Daryl eyed the man as the others left them there. Even Merle walked away, which was surprising. When Rick looked up his eyes narrowed.

"You don't know what she was like after you left," Rick said defensively. "You don't know what she did to our own people."

Daryl swallowed down the anger that threatened. He would talk to him. He would say what he needed to say. "She killed two people. There was a virus and they were already too far gone to help and she thought that if she killed them and then burned their bodies, that it would stop it from spreading. Spreading to you and your kids and the rest of the people she loved. She didn't hide anything from me when I found her."

Rick shook his head. "That wasn't her call to make," he snapped.

"So you took her out and you told her that she was a danger to your kids, a danger to your group, and you abandoned her there. One woman."

"I knew she'd make it somehow-"

"Did you? Did you really think she'd make it?"

"She was cold! She isn't the same woman _you_ left."

"I left because you didn't give me any fucking choice. It was your way or the highway," Daryl barked. "I left thinkin' that you were a good man and that you'd take care of her! Instead you climbed up on your high horse and condemned her. Leaving her was the biggest goddamn mistake I've ever made, but I did it because I thought she was safe and I thought keepin' Merle away from the rest of you was the only choice I had. You turned her out because you're a power hungry piece of shit."

"I did what I had to do to protect my family!" Rick shouted.

Daryl laughed. The sound was brittle and carried no humor. "From the looks of them, you're doin' a real piss poor job."

"I didn't have any control over-"

"I don't care, Rick. I don't care about you and I don't care about your group but I ain't like you. I won't turn out women or kids. If your people wanna play nice, I think she might let them stay. And if she wants to keep Carl and Judith here with us, she's got a lot of people, strong loyal people, that have her back and will make that happen. You just better hope she takes more goddamn pity on you than you ever did her." He turned then but Rick's hand landed heavily on his shoulder.

"She isn't taking my children from me!" Rick barked, but there was a fear in his eyes that told Daryl that Rick knew that finally, he wasn't in charge anymore.

"If she wanted to, I'd blow your brains out and burn your body before you told her she couldn't. But she's a better person than you are. She wouldn't hurt you like you hurt her. She knows you love them and she'd never try somethin' like that. She'll let you stay here if that's what you decide to do because that is who she is. No matter what you say about her. No matter how you see her in that warped head of yours. But you keep in mind that me and you, we ain't nothin'. I trusted you with the only goddamn thing that mattered and you turned around and shit on it. If she lets you stay, you keep your goddamn distance from me and you watch your ass around her. Right now, she's in there takin' care of the group you let down."

Rick stood there, gaping at him. Daryl still wanted to hit him but he wouldn't. He wouldn't touch him. He heard Rick following him into the house but he ignored the man. When he stepped into the kitchen Carol had Judith, her eyes alight and one of those rare smiles on her face as the little girl stuffed food in her mouth. She looked up, meeting his eyes. The smile stayed in place.

"Can you believe how big she's gotten?" She asked, looking back at the little girl.

Daryl nodded. Carol had blinders on, that was for sure. Judith's cheeks were sunken in, heavy dark circles under her eyes. She was smiling, sure, but she had been through a lot and it showed. It made his chest hurt.

Reluctantly she handed the girl over to Maggie, who looked just as bad as the others, and then turned to him. Her eyes were questioning. When she glanced behind him, to where he knew Rick was standing, they hardened. "Can I talk to you?"

Daryl nodded and let her lead him out of the room. When she stopped she didn't drop his hand. "You okay?" He asked, his voice still shaking with the rage he felt towards Rick.

She nodded, glanced over her shoulder and then turned her attention back to him. "What are we suppose to do now?"

Daryl stared at her, unsure what she wanted him to say. "We do whatever you want."

"Daryl, they're dying. We can't just offer them something to eat and then turn them away. There has to be something we can do."

He felt the corner of his mouth turn up despite his lingering anger. Rick could think whatever he wanted. Yeah, she was different. She wasn't exactly the same woman he had left at the prison, but deep down she would always be Carol. She would always do what she had to do for her family. Just like he had told Rick a few minutes ago.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, her mouth turning up in a slight smile.

He shrugged. "All this time I've been worried about what it would do to you if you had to look Rick in the eye again and so far all you're worried about is feedin' the bastard's pups."

She sighed. "He did what he did. There isn't anything I can do about Rick's bad decisions but that has nothing to do with Judith or Carl. I don't know what to do about the rest of them."

"Carol?"

Daryl's head shot up and Carol looked over her shoulder. Rick was standing there watching them closely.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Fuck you, Rick-"

"Daryl," Carol placed her hand on his chest, keeping him still. "It's fine."

"Anything he has to say he can say it now. You don't owe him a goddamn thing," he snapped, his eyes still boring into Rick's.

"It's okay. I'm a little tougher than I look, remember?" She asked, trying to pacify him.

He glared at her. "Keep that gun at the ready."

Rick scoffed. "You think I'd try to shoot her?"

Daryl didn't say a word. He stormed past the man, his shoulder slamming into him enough to nearly knock him off balance again.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

Merle looked up from the book he was reading, using his finger as a book mark. His brows shot up when Cassidy slammed his door shut.

"Why the hell would she think it was okay to let those assholes stay here?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring down at him. "Move your damn feet."

He sat up, pulling his legs up so she could sit down on the other side of the couch. "You shoulda known she would."

Cassidy shook her head. "It's all your damn brother's fault. He shows up and gets in her head and now she's all about doing the right thing. She used to be about killing people and asking questions later."

Merle sighed. "Face it. I'm all you got left, woman. All your friends have gone soft."

"I already know," she sighed and leaned her head back into the cushion. "I'm bunking with you, by the way. I'm not looking at them if I don't have to. This room is plenty big enough for the two of us. There's an air mattress in the room I was sharing with Michelle. I'll haul it in here later."

He eyed her. "There's plenty of other damn rooms you could take. Why the hell do _I_ gotta share?"

She looked up, meeting his eyes and he was surprised to see a vulnerable look in them. He was used to her being hard all the time. She was like a force of nature, but the truth was, she was a broken woman and with this many men, men she didn't know around, she was scared. And if she wasn't scared she was damn close to it. And it wasn't really this that brought him up short. What did that was the fact that out of everyone here, she'd came here. She wanted to sleep in this room because he was the one that was occupying it and, obviously, she felt safe with him around.

"You sleep naked?" He asked, to break the tension.

She shrugged. "Sometimes."

He barked out a laugh to that and then finally he shrugged, watching her closely. "I guess I don't mind. I probably need somebody to watch my back anyway. That Korean kid wants to kill me and you know he's probably got some mean ninja skills."

She grinned. "What'd you do to him?"

"Tied him to a chair, beat the hell outta him and then left him there tied up with a walker in the room."

She pulled her legs up so she could rest her chin on her knees. "Maybe it's an Asian thing. Grudge holders. It's not like he died."

Merle nodded solemnly.

"You think this Rick guy is gonna cause us any trouble?" She asked after a few long silent moments.

Merle shook his head. "I don't think so. I think my brother wants to rip his face off as it is. He'll tread lightly for a while."

"You know, I don't get it. I know I complain about all of them, but at the end of the day, I'd lay down my life for any damn one of these assholes. They're my family. How the hell could he do that to her? Just toss her out like that?"

Merle sat up, tossing the book onto the small table in front of the couch. "You got me. I guess I can't say a whole lot. There was a time that I held blood above anything else. If you wasn't my kin, I'd just as soon piss on you than shake your damn hand. That's Rick. But he's like a politician. He looks out over his flock and he says the right things and makes them think that it's them against the world. But at the end of the day, Rick is out for Rick. Period. I've known that about him since the first time I met him. The difference in me and him, though, is I learned my lesson. He never will. Not until he's the last one standin' with his back against the wall and those kids blood on his hands is the only reminder that they ever existed in the first place."

She stared off into space. "How the hell does she expect me to be okay with someone like that here?"

He shook his head. "I don't think she's worried about that right now. You seen them. They're like a bunch of corpses. I think Rick will move on once him and the others get their strength up. My brother ain't gonna make it easy on him."

"Good. He don't deserve anyone taking it easy on him."

"Agreed."

~H~

The living room floor was covered in a thick plush carpet so Carol didn't feel too guilty about Rick's people sleeping there on the floor. Judith, her stomach full and her small fragile body scrubbed pink, had fallen into an exhausted sleep in one of the big overstuffed chairs. Carl was fast asleep himself at one end of the couch while a girl named Tara took the opposite end.

She dropped the pile of spare blankets and pillows onto the floor and it looked like some kind of messy child's fort. "This should be enough for all of you," she said quietly.

"Thank you," Rosita said, claiming a pillow and a blanket for herself. "Whatever is going on between you and Rick, that isn't any of my concern. The way I look at it, you guys saved our asses. I'm sure you know what it's like out there."

Carol smiled. She genuinely liked Rosita and Tara. They were both kind as far as she could tell. Abe was a different story. He made her a little uneasy and the other man, Eugene, was downright strange. But they all seemed grateful to all of them for the hospitality and Carol wasn't worried about anyone trying anything. "I do know what's it's like out there. It's damn hard. We lucked up with this place."

Rosita nodded. "Do you need any of us to take watch or anything? Abe and I can-"

Carol shook her head. "Rest. You all look like it's been a long time since you've had it. We'll talk more about what you're plans are in the morning."

She smiled and walked off to the corner of the room with her spoils, Abe following her. She hadn't really had a chance to talk to Rick yet. As soon as Daryl had left them alone earlier Cassidy and Michonne had nearly gotten into a brawl. Cassidy wasn't making it a point to get along with any of them. To her, they had all done Carol wrong and that wasn't okay. She'd even tried to explain to the other woman that some of them weren't even members of Rick's group when she had been banished, but Cassidy wouldn't listen.

Once everyone seemed to be settled she blew out the candles that lined the fireplace mantel and crept out of the room. When she stepped into the kitchen she stopped in her tracks. Rick was sitting at the small ornate table at the far end of the room, his eyes on his hands that were splayed there. He raised his head and the shadows from the lantern light made him look even worse than he had earlier.

She heard a sound and turned, realizing that Daryl was sitting up on the counter, his eyes on hers. She didn't know if he planned on shadowing Rick the whole time the man was here but she certainly hoped not. It had been a long day and they had barely slept the night before since discovering Merle and Cassidy's vanishing act.

Daryl hopped down from the counter and strolled towards her, his movements fluid despite the tension that was rolling off of him and suddenly, despite the stress of the day, her mind drifted to that moment right before that knock on their door interrupted them.

"Where's that gun?" He asked in a low voice, his hands going to her waist.

She was actually surprised that he was touching her like this in front of anyone but then again, he wasn't really the same man he had been. "I'll be fine," she said, her hands giving his forearms a reassuring squeeze. "He just wants to talk. I'll let him."

He kissed her quickly and gave her one last meaningful look before stepping around her and disappeared into the dark foyer. She took a deep steadying breath and went to the table.

"I'm sure you're tired and I'm exhausted myself so lets get this over with, Rick," she said, her voice level.

He held her gaze for a few moments and then nodded. "That's fair. All I was going to do was thank you for opening your door to us. These last few months have been... bad."

She smiled but it was forced and she knew he would know that. "You're welcome." She stood up to leave but he held up a hand. She lowered herself back into the chair.

"I think Daryl is wrong," he said, making sure he kept her eyes on hers.

She felt the sting of his words, knowing exactly what he was talking about but she found the sting fading quickly. She felt a slight sadness take it's place and even that was minimal. The sadness wasn't a result from his low opinion of her. It was sad that she had wasted so much of her time caring about the man in front of her. It was sad that he had started out with so much potential to be great in this world, but let it all slip away. And then, to her own surprise, she found an easy smile grace her face. "Daryl _is_ wrong."

He sat up straighter in the chair but he waited for her to elaborate.

"But that doesn't mean that you're right. You see, Rick, when I did what I did, I had reasons. I had good reasons. I put a lot of thought into my actions and decided that I had to try to keep the virus from spreading. You were wrong when you accused me of being a threat."

He watched her, his expression guarded. "And now?"

Her smile widened. " _Now_ I'm cold, Rick. To outsiders anyway, which is what you are." She leaned in a little closer, her smile falling away faster than it had come. "I will always love your children. I always have, and I would never do anything to hurt them. But I think Daryl believes that I wouldn't hurt you either. I think he believes that he has to protect me from you, but that isn't true. You are an outsider here. If I feel like you might relapse, you know, lose your ever loving mind like you did back there at the prison, I'll end you. I won't risk my girls safety for a man that I once deemed a friend."

"Are you threatening me?" He asked, his own voice just as low and dangerous as hers.

"Yes, I am. This is my family now and family has to look out for one another. I'll look out for them."

"I didn't come here for your help," he growled, not liking the tables turned on him.

"That's fine. The rest of your group did. Are you willing to take Judith and Carl and leave this place alone with them? Michonne would probably follow you but do you really think Glenn wants Maggie out there in her condition? And those others, they already made it clear that they have no loyalties to you."

He glared.

"Keep your hands clean and everything will be fine Rick." She stood up and headed out of the kitchen, the feel of his eyes boring into her back was like a physical touch. A cold angry touch. She felt a hand slide into hers and smiled to herself before looking over.

"That was pretty goddamn bad ass," Daryl muttered.

"Really?" She asked, her hand tightening in his. "Because I just came up with all that on my own."

At the top of the stairs he stopped, kissing her quickly. "You feel better now?"

She nodded. "I've been wanting to tell him off for a while now. I thought it would bother me, to see him looking at me like he didn't trust me, but it doesn't. It would have if I hadn't found you but Rick is no one."

He laughed and pushed her into their room, locking the door behind him. She felt like she may have handled that all wrong but there wasn't anything she could so about it. There would be eyes on Rick for as long as he was with them. All she was worried about were the kids being safe. She would worry about the rest of it tomorrow.

The rest of tonight belonged to the man that was now backing her towards the bed, his lips warm and demanding on hers.


	24. Chapter 24

**I'm really hoping that I can get back on track as far as this story is concerned. I've totally lost focus. I could kick my own ass for posting it without finishing it first because I knew this would happen. For those of you who are still reading, thank you. It's appreciated and I'm sorry for the slow updates.**

 **Chapter Twenty Four**

Merle hadn't had such a hard time sleeping in a long time. He'd helped Cassidy bring in the air mattress and she had sat it up right next to the couch that he would be sleeping on. He hadn't commented on it and she hadn't either. She had laid down and seemed to have no trouble at all falling asleep.

It hadn't taken long for her to wake him up. She tossed and turned and mumbled. She cried out in fear more than a few times and all of this had bothered him but not like the crying had. Huge broken sobs that wracked her frame and led him to believe she was awake but when he had whispered her name she continued on. She'd never cry like that in front of anyone so he knew that she was somewhere else, with someone else, and she was hurting.

And he had felt bad for her. Not just bad either. He felt a sickening guilt for not stopping it sooner and he felt a cold anger towards the men that had used her. But most of all, and the most disturbing, was the feeling of loss. And it was selfish and usually when he was selfish he didn't really give a damn, but right now the selfishness bothered him. Because he wanted her and he knew, especially now, that he'd never have her. Not the way he wanted to have her. And another disturbing fact was, he didn't only want her physically. It was something else. Something bigger than that and obviously something completely unattainable.

The crying went on and on and finally he decided that he couldn't listen to it anymore. He'd rolled over onto his side and dropped his hand, ready to shake her awake and let her get herself together. Instead, as soon as his hand landed on her shoulder her own came up, grabbing hold of his in a vice like grip. She rolled, bringing her other hand up, clinging to him with both hands, pulling until she had the hand trapped against her chest.

But she had stilled. She was quiet now. Her breathing evened out, broken only by the occasional hiccup, a sad sound. After that he had drifted back to sleep. She hadn't woken up anymore and he didn't try to ease his hand away from her. It made him feel good. It made him feel like he could help her, even if it was just a little.

She was up and gone by the time he woke up and he sat there on the couch for a while, rubbing his bleary eyes and letting that depressing feeling come to the surface. What a shitty goddamn feeling.

~H~

Carol was happy to see that everyone looked better this morning. Even Cassidy, who was usually the most foul person on earth in the mornings, looked like she had at least slept well. She was still snappy but that was mostly because she had deemed Michonne her new enemy number one for some reason. That was just Cassidy though. The woman needed someone to hate and she had to get in line for a chance to hate Rick. Michonne was the easier target by far.

The weather was mild so Daryl had a low fire built in the back and that was where Carol did the cooking. They raided all of the houses around them and had a good stock pile of food for the most part but Daryl wanted to hunt and she thought that it was a good idea.

She looked up from the pot of oatmeal that was boiling over the fire and smiled as Judith chased Mercy and few feet before "catching" her and knocking her to the ground. Everyone else watched with small smiles on their faces. Even her own group.

"She hasn't smiled in a long time," Glenn said as he sidled up next to her.

Carol added a good amount of sugar to the oats and then poured in some sweetened milk from one of the cans she had stashed back for special occasions. This group needed fattened up and she knew that Merle would appreciate it. "Something tells me that most of you probably haven't smiled very much in a while. I hate to say it but you look like death warmed over Glenn."

He nodded, a strained smile gracing his face. "I just want you to know that I didn't agree with what Rick did to you. A lot of us felt that way but..." He sighed and met her eyes. "I didn't say anything. I didn't demand for him to go find you. And then we lost the prison and things just... It was bad. It's been real bad."

She hefted the pot off the flames and sat it on the iron patio table before she faced him. "Even if you had agreed with him, I wouldn't ever hold it against you. You got one side of a story. I'm sure a lot of people thought he made the right choice."

Glenn glanced towards where Maggie stood with a few other women and Carol knew that Maggie must have been one of the ones that had agreed and she was okay with that. He cleared his throat and helped her line up bowls. "After the prison we ended up at a place called Terminus," he shook his head. "We thought the Governor was bad? And he was in his own way, but the people at Terminus, they were actual cannibals. I think if I had known that Maggie was pregnant then, I probably would have lost my mind."

Carol looked up sharply. "What?" Surely she had misheard him.

"They slaughtered people like cattle. They ate them. We met Tara and the others there. There were more of us but... well, you know what it's like out there. We escaped Terminus and then we just wondered."

"Are those people still out there?" She asked, her stomach turning at the thought of groups out there actually eating other people.

Glenn shrugged. "We took out as many as we could when we escaped but they're still there. I know they are."

"Do you remember where this place is?" Carol asked, eyes wide and troubled.

He gave her a look like he thought she had lost her mind. "Carol, you don't want to cross these people. You have... hell, you have everything here. This place is perfect. You can't even think of hunting down these-"

She shoved a bowl into his hands. "Eat, Glenn." She said hurriedly as she made a beeline towards Cassidy. Her and Daryl were standing beside the back wall, arguing about something. She stopped hoping the two of them would ever get along. She scooped up Judith on her way by, causing the little girl to squeal. The sound had her stopping in her tracks.

Her first instinct had been to tell Cassidy about this Terminus place and organize her girls to take it out. But she looked down into the child's smiling face and instantly changed her mind. Glenn was right. She had everything she could want here and she would be an idiot to risk it all. There was no reason to keep fighting. Did those people deserve to live? No, they did not. But it wasn't her fight. Her people were safe and that was what she needed to focus on.

She had spent a long time dealing with her demons, searching for revenge when what she truly needed was redemption. She had rediscovered the things that she had thought she had lost. That dead feeling inside was gone. This realization had her throat feeling thick and she swallowed painfully around the lump.

The anger simply wasn't there anymore.

She ran her fingers through the girl's soft hair and then sat her back down. Carl made his way towards his little sister, Mercy trailing behind carrying two bowls. Carol turned slowly, her eyes taking in the faces around her. People huddled in their own small groups, talking in low voices, eating their breakfast. Daryl was standing with his arms folded across his chest defensively while Cassidy stood in front of him, hands on her hips, dark hair gleaming in the early morning sun, giving Daryl one kind of hell or another.

The only people missing at the moment were Merle and Rick, which worried her. Merle was the male version of Cassidy and given the opportunity he would kill Rick. She left the others out in the yard and stepped into the kitchen from the patio doors. She nearly ran into Merle.

"Oh!" She said, letting him steady her with his good hand.

"Slow the hell down, Dummy," he grumbled.

She snorted. "Good morning to you too, Merle. Breakfast is on the table. Did you kill Rick?"

He grunted and stepped around her. "No but it ain't for lack of wantin' to."

She frowned, watching him walk out and head straight for the food. She wasn't used to seeing him in such a foul mood here lately. It was probably the new arrivals. He didn't try to hide his dislike for them and she couldn't blame him really, but she was starting to rethink this whole situation.

She knew that she had seen Rick in the living room with the others so she headed that way. He had to have heard the rest of the house stirring. It wasn't like him to sleep in. He was a lot of things but he wasn't a lazy man.

She found him on the floor, lying behind the sofa with his back to the room, blanket pulled up. "Rick," she said, loud enough that it should have woken him.

He didn't stir. She remembered how pale and drawn he had looked yesterday. How thin he was and for a moment she thought that maybe his body had just given out. She thought that maybe he had died in his sleep and if he had then-

He stirred and her fingers grazed over the knife at her hip, watching carefully. He rolled over and she dropped her hand as he raised up on his elbow. His eyes were bloodshot and, unlike the rest of them, he looked worse than he had the night before.

"Everyone else has been up for a while," she said, seeming to startle him.

He sat all the way up, letting the blanket fall away and she had to avert her eyes at the site of his thin body. Jesus, what had they been through? There was a thin sheen of sweat covering him. "I must have been more tired than I thought," he muttered, reaching for his shirt.

She knelt down, stilling his hand. His skin was hot to the touch and she felt her stomach drop. He was burning up. "Jesus," she breathed, taking her hand away.

He waved her away and eyed her suspiciously. "I'm fine."

"You're sick," she said firmly.

"Yeah, well, I know how you take care of sick people and I-"

The sound of the slap seemed to echo in the cavernous room. "Don't you dare," she growled. Despite what he had done, despite knowing that he didn't trust her and he considered her an enemy to him and the people he loved, the first thought she had had when she had felt his hot skin had been that she needed to find him medicine. Her first thought had been to help him get well so he could take care his family. Her hand stung and there was a print standing out boldly against the paleness of his cheek. He was looking at her with so much contempt that she stood up. Glaring down at him.

"You think you-"

"This ends now," she snapped, cutting him off. "You don't have to trust me and I don't have to pretend that you're anything to me, but this animosity ends. Regardless of how I feel about you, those children need you and I intend to keep you from dying. Neither of us has to like it, but that's how it will be. You can follow me or I can have Merle and Daryl wrestle you into the room I need you to stay in for now. That's your choice, but you will not let your stupidity or your stubbornness stop me from doing what I have to do."

Their eyes stayed locked in a silent battle for a few long seconds and finally he put his shirt on. His fingers were trembling as he worked the buttons but she wasn't sure if it was from the fever or from anger. He stood up. "Where's the room?"

She nodded and led him to the back of the house where there was a small library off the main corridor. There was already a makeshift bed set up in the corner but she couldn't remember who had claimed the room. "Just make yourself as comfortable as you can and I'll bring you something."

He didn't argue. He stretched out on the bed and pulled the blankets back up to his chin. She could see him shivering from where she was standing. She stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her and hurried to the supply of medications that they had stashed in the coat closet.

She would not let the man die. Whether he wanted her help or not. He was going to get it.


	25. Chapter 25

**No excuse for the slow updates other than, I'm just struggling with this one. I've been kicking myself in the ass for posting it before it was finished. Just hang in there and hopefully it'll bounce back. Thanks for reading.**

 **Chapter Twenty Five**

Daryl grabbed her arm and hauled her into their room. "What the hell do you mean he's sick," he snapped.

She pulled her arm out of his grip, raising her brows at him. "I mean he's sick. Fever, chills, headache."

"Is it the same thing you said happened at the prison?" He asked, his eyes flashing angrily.

Carol looked away. "I don't know yet. I haven't really talked to him much. But we have plenty of-"

"And we're gonna use it on his worthless ass!" Daryl snapped.

She couldn't believe he was this angry. "Daryl, I have to do what I can because regardless of how I, or anyone else, feels about him, he has Carl and Judith and they need him."

"I don't want you near him," he growled.

She blinked, "I love you. You know I love you but you are not my keeper and you will not tell me what to do. I'll be fine."

His lips thinned into an angry line. She kissed his jaw and his arms went around her. "You could get sick too," he said, trying hard to keep the anger out of his voice. He was failing miserably.

"I told you that I'll be fine." She understood his fear. She would be putting up the same argument if it was the other way around but she really didn't think she was in danger of getting sick. "You've seen them. They've been through a lot and none of them are running on all cylinders just yet. He's malnourished and worn down. That's it. His body is just trying to give in."

He looked pained but she saw an understanding in his eyes now. "You know, sometimes I wish you were as bad as you and him think you are. It'd save me a damn lot of stress."

She smiled, rested her forehead against his for a few moments and then backed away from him. "Maybe I'm doing this because I'm bad. Maybe I want to be the one take care of him, nurse him back to health, so he has no choice but to look me in the eye and thank me." That was the furthest thing from the truth but she would be a liar if she said that she wouldn't take some amount of small satisfaction in him finally realizing that he was wrong about her. Had always been wrong about her.

"I'm sure that's the only reason you're putting your ass on the line for him," he said sarcastically.

"Oh it is. I'm doing it out of sheer malice. I want him to suffer every minute that I am there," she smiled but then it turned into a laugh when he pushed her out of their room and slammed the door in her face.

She shouldered the bag she had and headed back to the room that Rick was occupying. She had found some packets of Emergen-C in one of the upstairs bathrooms. She knew that if she could just get his immune system back up to par that he would be fine. Well, that was what she was hoping anyway. She had closed the blinds and pulled the drapes in the room so when she walked in, balancing his breakfast and the bag, she could barely see anything.

"Need some help?"

She jumped at the unexpected voice but then recognized Michonne's shadow materialize out of the gloom. She took the bowl and the cold cloth. Carol opened the drapes but left the blinds alone. There was plenty of light. She didn't need to blind the man.

Michonne knelt down next to him, her hand on his shoulder. She didn't have to say anything before he was rolling onto his back, struggling to sit up. He seemed weaker than he had been when she had left him because if not for the woman there to help him, he would still be lying on the floor. Carol watched as the two of them shared a look and then Rick's eyes turned to her.

She handed him the water bottle she had mixed the powder in and then the bowl.

"I don't know if I can keep this down," he muttered, talking to Michonne instead of Carol.

Michonne glanced at her but then back at Rick. "You have to try."

Carol cleared her throat and leaned against the desk. "Your body is probably just trying to shut down. Unless we give it the fuel it needs to bounce back, it's gonna keep shutting down. Try to eat as much as you can, even if you can't finish it. And drink all of what's in that bottle." She headed towards the door, since Michonne seemed willing to stay with him. Maybe Daryl's fears were all for nothing.

"Carol?" Michonne's voice caused her to stop.

She turned around, bracing herself for a confrontation. Glenn had told her that not everyone had agreed with what Rick had done but she didn't know who. "Yeah?" She asked, keeping her own voice impassive.

Michonne held her gaze for a few long intense moments before she nodded. "Thank you."

Carol breathed a sigh of relief and then offered her a small nod of her own before she left the room. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about any of this. For the moment, Rick was ill and she couldn't force them out. She wouldn't force them out even if he was well. But she wasn't sure if this would work. There were eleven women in her group, plus Merle, Daryl and herself. Her girls didn't trust Rick's group and she didn't blame them.

Then again, her group hadn't trusted Daryl or Merle either. Not many of them, anyway. She couldn't force the other group away with two children and a pregnant woman. She wasn't sure when Maggie was due, or even if a baby would survive considering Maggie hadn't had a way to really provide herself with the nutrients she needed. There was a lot to think about here and she needed to talk to her own people, see what they thought the best route would be.

She stepped past the living room where everyone had slept the night before and stopped in her tracks. Carl and Mercy were sitting on the couch, facing one another. Her eyes widened when she saw the girl pass the notebook to the boy. Carl read the words and then gestured with his hands rapidly. Mercy studied the movements and then repeated them. When she messed up Carl would shake his head and correct her. The girl grinned once she finally had the gestures down.

Sign language.

Somehow, somewhere before the world ended, Carl had learned sign language and he was teaching the girl how to communicate without using the notebook.

Carl looked up then and smiled, offering her a small wave.

Carol stepped into the room then, her own eyes wide as she took in the wide excited eyes of the girl.

"My mom had a friend that was deaf. I learned sign language from the woman's daughter when I was eight," he explained.

"Show me," Carol said, pulling up a chair, her heart beating out an excited rhythm in her chest.

Carl nodded and waited for Carol to pull the chair closer.

~H~

Merle found the woman in the attic, exactly where he had expected to find her. The memory of what had happened the night before, the fucking anguish that the woman hid behind that ever present anger, and he scowled. He wasn't even sure why he was seeking her out.

"See anything interestin'?" he asked, crossing his arms and peering out the window.

She turned, the sunlight hitting the scars on her face in a way that made them scream out at him. He didn't turn his gaze away though. This morbid imperfection wasn't something that hindered her looks in his opinion. They made her look dangerous, but the beauty she had possessed before the end of the world was still very much there in face, scars or not. She finally shrugged. "Not really. It's just a little too crowded down there for my taste I guess."

Merle agreed. "Get used to it. That's the thing about my brother and Carol. In the end, it won't matter what Rick's done in the past. They're here to stay if that's what Rick's group wants. Goddamn bleedin' hearts."

She made a disgusted sound. "If it's the kids they're worried about then I say we keep them and then force the rest of them out. We don't need disloyalty here. We don't need someone here that would happily throw the rest of us to the wolves if it suited him. And his group will do what he says because they still think like they thought before all of this. They need someone to lead them."

"You're preachin' to the choir, woman. I know that and you know that, but in the end it ain't gonna matter, even though Carol and Daryl know it too."

"You think we'll get lucky and he'll just die? That's the only thing I can think of that will settle the tension."

"I hope the hell so. I've hated that man ever since he bitch hit me with that rifle on that rooftop and then left me for dead."

"I don't fucking get it," she grumbled, her eyes back to the window. "What he did to her, he'd do it to anyone."

"Maybe he won't want to stay here. I don't think Rick Grimes can stomach a place where he ain't cock of the walk, and he knows he won't be here. He needs that."

"He needs a bullet in the balls," she groused, "And then another in the face."

Merle wished that there wasn't so fucking much to love about this woman. "Maybe he'll grow on you. You wasn't too fond of me either and you seem to have warmed up. You tied my ass to a pole and stripped down to my unmentionables, woman!"

It worked. She flashed him a grin. "That was fun."

He snorted.

"Oh, come on. You knew I wasn't really going to kill you. I just needed to let you know who was boss."

"You damn liar. You wanted to kill me and you know it."

Her smile faded and she finally looked at him. Really looked at him. Her eyes changed then. There wasn't any of that rage simmering in their dark depths and none of that quiet black humor that matched his own. He was looking at the woman behind the bravado. "You got me out of there when you had a chance." She shrugged. "Maybe it was all to little to late, but you got me out. I never would have actually hurt you. I owe you one. I owe you more than one."

That sinking feeling returned. "What do you mean, to little to late?"

She looked back towards the glass. "I was already dead. Inside, I've been gone. I'm one step up from a fucking walker, Merle. I am, and it's a scary feeling. It's what makes killing easy. I don't feel bad when I do it. I feel envious. Cause they get to die and they get some sort of peace out of their death. I died and just get to walk around hollow."

Her words echoed in his mind. He kept staring at her but she wouldn't look at him now. He guessed it was because she hadn't really meant to drop that guard. She needed people to look at her like she was strong because inside, she was screaming and she couldn't stop. He had no idea what to say to her. He had no idea what to do to try to help her. He didn't even understand why he wanted to.

"I guess I need to grab my brother and try to see if there's anything edible out there we can kill. More mouths to feed around here," he said, needing to get away from her and hating the feeling. He wished she had just kept this all to herself. He didn't want to think about it.

She nodded. "That's a good idea. I'd hate for any of them to starve." The corner of her mouth came up in a half hearted smiled and she bumped her shoulder against his.

He chuckled but it was forced. "See ya later, woman."


End file.
